Goodbye, NaBloPoMo (CD9)

Today is my final *required* daily post for NaBloPoMo. Am I glad I did it? I think so. This has been one absolutely crazy month, and I know I wouldn't have been able to remember nearly as much as I would have wanted to without Big Brother making sure I did. 

Will I continue to post every day? Ah hells no. More than I did before, for sure, but definitely not every day. I mean, there were a few days in there that I posted absolute crap just to post, and that's not fair to all of you. I'm not in the time-wasting business, just remembering. And talking about myself. And getting ya'lls advice. A lot.

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PDLAMBLATI*... Thanks, W&W!

Enough about that. You're probably wondering how my u/s went this morning, huh?

Good! First off, LOVE the nurse that drew my blood this morning. I have awfully difficult veins, and she got me on the first stick, completely blind. Love it. 

Second off, my e2 has started to level off, which is fantastic. It rose to 3673 today, up from 2864 two days ago. Dr S wanted it to stay at or below 4K today, so good times! I'm all up for decreasing my chances for OHSS, and have been really good the last two days about getting my required 100g protein. I even drank 100 ounces of water today. Holy hell. Must be making a difference. Maybe.

My lining was still at 8.1mm. Boo. Not bad, just not better.

As far as follies go, 'ol righty continues to be the breadwinner in the family, though lefty is still making a significant contribution. Righty has 16 large follicles, the largest of which are 14.1mm, 14.1mm, 14mm, and 13.9mm. Lefty has a respectable 12 large ones, 14.0mm, 13.1mm, 13.1mm, and 12.9mm. Basically, everything has grown between 2-4mm since Monday, about 1-2mm per day. 

Follicles? These are my readers.
Readers? These are my follicles.
Make nice.

We've done some creating dosing decisions for the next couple of days. I held at 75 units follistim this am and 1 vial menopur in the pm. Thursday, we're lowering to 50 units follistim, and skipping the pm menopur (yayzies!). Friday, I'm bringing the am follistim to the appt and Dr S will decide where to go. Looks like we'll either be triggering Friday or Saturday, for a Sunday or Monday retrieval. Crazy, considering the Monday retrieval is what they quoted in my calendar. Who would have guessed that it would actually have gone according to plan???

I'm off to go get some sleep... and maybe another glass of water :) Night!

*PDLAMBLATI- Please don't look at my business look at these instead.

Caviar Taste. (CD8)

This has absolutely nothing to do with my post.
Though I think she's saying "I'm glad you don't eat Le Beef"

So a couple of weeks ago, Emily commented on one of my pre-IVF posts "Have you told your ov's your plan yet? They are going to be SO PISSED when they find out what you are gunna make them do!"

Holy hell that girl was right. The cramping started Sunday night. The bloat started in earnest yesterday. I'm up 3.8 pounds. I can feel some swelling in my hands and face, kindof like when you eat a meal that has way too much salt or MSG in it. To combat all of that I'm supposed to try and eat around 100 grams of protein per day, and drown myself in water and electrolytes.

My oves have realized that I'm finally making them get up off their lazy asses and WORK DAMNIT. Their response? "Fine. You want follies? We'll GIVE you follies." I got my results from the e2 bloodwork yesterday.

2864. Wowzers. Help me, Rhonda. Come on, Eileen.

My oves have caviar taste, what can I say. When all we were spending was random $5 copays for IUIs, they laughed. "Really? That's like giving a girl a garage sale purse instead of heading to Coach. We're not putting out for that." Now that we've written the big check for IVF? They're giving up the goods. They wanted to make sure we BOUGHT the damn cow instead of getting the milk for free.

More news tomorrow when we have our u/s. I'm to hold my dose tonight at 1 unit menopur, take my ganirelix in the morning before the appt, but bring the follistim so they can decide how much to give me.

Dare I say it... I actually have hope.

Where I learn I can grow follicles (CD7)

Today's PDLAMBLATI (thanks, Waiting and Wishing!)

 And lots of them, at that.

There aren't many times a PCOS-er is thankful for the hundreds of piece of ess cysts she's got on her oves. During the stim phase of IVF? That's one of them.

Turns out I've got about 14 "good sized" follicles growing on 'ol righty. My RE categorizes "good sized" as 8 or above. The biggest four were 12.3mm, 11.6mm, 11.4mm, and 10.9mm. Lefty is slacking, but only to the tune of 10 "good sized" follies, the biggest of which were 11.6mm, 11.1mm, 10.8mm, and ~9mm. I'm happy. Very, very happy.

Recap: around 7 follies over 10mm on the morning of stim day 6. At least 15 more above 8mm. Score!!! Waiting to hear back about what godawful heights my e2 has climbed to. The plan is to hold our doses at 75 follistim and 1 vial menopur, and start adding in the Ganirelix as soon as I get home this afternoon (moving it to the am tomorrow).

Estimated trigger? Friday or Saturday, which means estimated retrieval? Sunday or Monday.

HFS.

Also, I made a completely anal-retentive spreadsheet to keep things straight. Enjoy!

It could have been worse- I refrained from color-coding.

Just swell. (CD6)

Apparently having your e2 go up by eighteen-fold in four days causes quite the ruckus in one's mid-section. My tummy has been progressively more tender through the day, and I swear, if you were bored enough, you could watch it grow like bamboo. I swear.

Needless to say, this is the first of what I'm sure will be many uncomfortable days ahead. All for a damned good cause, but uncomfortable nonetheless. I am so antsy to get a peek at what's going on in there, which I will in about ten hours. I'm also grateful that my body is responding. I was so doubtful after the piss-poor response we were getting with the IUI stims. Apparently Follistim just does this body good. I made sure to get some protein in with dinner, and had my first bottle of Gatorade. Weight gain as of this morning was 1.6 lbs, though I'm not sure how much of that is ove bloat and how much is sugar bloat

Also? I know I said it yesterday, but I'm so glad I went on a run yesterday. I'm feeling the way I thought I would today, which means no more running for a while. Glad I still did while I could.

10 more hours...

Holy Estradiol, Batman! (CD5)

Soooo.... I got my e2 results back. To recap:

11/22 Tuesday: e2 of 55, suppressed ovaries with 25+ follicles on each
11/23 Wednesday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/24 Thursday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/25 Friday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/26 Saturday:  150 units Follistim am

The e2 today? 892. Holy effing ess. Holy. Effing. Ess.

It's funny, as soon as they called, I was all "Wow... I sure feel a lot of pressure near the oves." I'm terrified that I'm stimming too fast and I'm going to get all immature eggs. Terrified. Or, I'm going to end up hyperstimmed.

Needless to say, Dr S decided to cut my doses in half. We started tonight, and cut the pm Menopur down to 1 vial. Tomorrow morning with be 75 units of Follistim. I go in Monday morning for another blood draw and my first U/S.

Also, I went on what I think will be my last run until I feel safe while pregnant tonight. My dad, brother, and Dr Boy all went through the greenbelt in town, and it felt awesome. I'm really glad I got that in before things get going *too* much, and I'm glad my family got to enjoy that part of the town we live in too.

But the rest of it?

HFS.

Blood Draw-maz (CD5)

So you know how I mentioned I was starting to get stretched a little thin?

Yeah, I definitely am.

The evidence? I went to bed at 11:30 last night after the movie, frozen yogurt (red velvet cake batter/cable car chocolate swirl with hot fudge, more sprinkles than yogurt, and a little spritz of whipped cream) (clearly the sugar fast is over) (though i know i need to dial it back when the fam's gone), and hanging with the fam back at the house before everyone went to bed. Woke up at 5am this morning to get to work by 6. Left work at 8 to get my blood drawn. Pulled up to the lab, and realized I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO TAKE MY LAB ORDERS. Mother effer. Another case of me being my father's absent-minded daughter.

After a frantic call home to Dr Boy (who was *just* about to get in the shower, thank god I didn't wait), he sent over some cell phone pics of the documents, so the lab could at least get started with the paperwork, draw, and processing. They wouldn't send anything back to my RE until we faxed things over though, but we had until 11am to do that. PHEW! I am so grateful they did that for me, as there was NO WAY I could drive home and get it, especially not before the 9am deadline the RE gave me. And NOT with having to head back to work right after.

Then the phlebotomist told me all about her love of purses, gastric bypass surgery, and how she left her husband after she lost the weight and her husband couldn't handle it. She went out to get the mail, and never came back.

Dramaz! To her credit, she found a vein pretty damn easily in my arm and it didn't hurt. Win! I should be getting a call from the RE in a couple of hours to see what my E2 is and if we need to adjust the meds.

After work, we add in-law madness to the plate. Four of my family are leaving though, so it's an even exchange. Still, I cannot WAIT to sleep for a year after this weekend is over. Maybe Dr Boy can just give me my injections while I'm passed out?

Short and Sweet (CD4)

I've been hanging out with family since Wednesday which has been AWESOME. I am starting to get spread a bit thin though. My parents, grandma, brother, uncle, uncle's gf and her two kids, and my parents two dogs all came up to visit, some at our house, and some at the hotel. I am so thankful they're all here, but the reason they came up here? I have work. 6am to 2pm. Every. Day. So I'm kindof flippin' tired now. Really. Really. Tired.

Oh? Also? Today was our fourth day of shots. We were out at dinner at 6:30, when it was time, we headed back to the bathroom and did the deed there. How's THAT for a quickie! The menopur burns more than it used to, though we were given 27 gauge needles this time instead of the 31 gauge needles we used during our IUIs. They are DEFINITELY worse, and I highly recommend requesting the 31's. For serious. Also, the follistim is leaving little bruises. Very, very annoying.

Last, we went to see Hugo tonight, in 3-D. The first act was a bit slow, but once it got going, the movie was truly beautiful. Highly recommend, but not for kids. Too slow. But beautiful. That's not the point of mentioning that though. They had previews for some other movies coming out... one of which was the re-released Titanic in 3-D. It brought me right back to senior year of high school, when I saw the movie in the theaters THREE TIMES. And bawled my flippin' eyes out. THREE TIMES. Glutton for punishment, this one is :)  So back to the preview. Just watching it? Bawled my eyes out. Damn stims. I was quite the source of entertainment for my family today!

TVT, Turkey Style (CD3)

It's Thought Vomit Thanksgiving, ya'll! I am way too tired from cleaning and baking and organizing and setting up for my visiting family (four staying with us, four in a hotel) to put together more than bullet points today. Though, let's be honest, when do I ever?

- After three injections, I have entered the irrational crying stage of IVF. I cried this morning at how happy I was that everyone was in town. I cried when I got a picture of my dad and brother, who just finished running their first joint 10K. I cried when I started THINKING about how annoyed I am at not being able to watch HIMYM for a while. To be honest though? This irrational crying thing? Makes me feel more like me. So I'm good with it.

- The final weigh-in is complete for my sugar-fast challenge. On Halloween, the first day I abstained, I came in at a shocking 193 lbs. Thank you, two rounds of IUI/injectables, and lots of Mike's Pastry in Boston. And finding consolation in a bottle (ha! *a* bottle) of good wine. And a bag (or two or three) of Trader Joe's white cheddar puffed corn (fake pirate booty). To recap, I'm 5' 8 1/2". Last year at this time, I was 178. Super duper. So.... what does running a 5K and laying off the white stuff for 25 days get you? FIVE POUNDS. Yup, I weighed in at 187.8 this morning. It helps that some of the AF bloat went down too. It's def not where I want to be, but it's a good starting point.

- I went on another baking binge Tuesday night, to make my family think I'm all Suzy Homemaker. I baked chocolate zucchini muffins, pumpkin spice muffins*, GF pumpkin bread, and pumpkin cookies w/cinnamon icing. The most impressive part of that was actually cooking all the damn deliciously battered items without tasting A SINGLE MORSEL OF BATTER. Or finished product. Until yesterday.

- Apparently, there are a few of you out there that like me! I've been bestowed the Liebster Award! Apparently, Liebster means "dearest" in German. This one has been floating around the blogosphere this week, going to folks with less than 200 followers. I received it from three other awesome ladies whose blogs I *love* to see pop up on my unread reader list. Rebeccah from Pink Lipgloss and Prenatals, Oak from Acorn Chronicles, and Kelly from Team Baby are all rockstars themselves, and I VERY much appreciate knowing that they enjoy my thought vomit! They've all been great support so far in this IVF journey, as have the rest of you!

Here are the rules to pass this baby on: 

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

 

Here are 5 bloggers I would like to pass the award on to:

1. Lauren, from Not Just An Army Wife (she barely squeaks in at 195 followers!)

2. Lauren, from The Army Doctor's Wife and P(c)OS Ovaries

3. Megan, from This Space for Rent

4. The lovely Waiting and Wishing

5. Emily, from A Peek into our Journey

 

These ladies are all truly wonderful, and deserve a good look! They'll crack you up and make you cry, all at the same time. Or maybe that's just me.... 

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving!!! And to those of you *not* celebrating Thanksgiving, Happy Thursday!

*One box spiced cake mix, one can of pumpkin, 1/2 cup water. Bake according to the directions on the box, add a minute or two of baking time. Thanks, Lauren, for the recipe!!! She also suggests you add a decadent cream cheese frosting... hold me...

Take THAT, ute! (CD2)

The taunting worked :) I arrived home yesterday after work and errands... and voila! Just barely, too, as the props used in the taunting were unscathed. One point JM, Zero points Ute.

See kids? Scare tactics work. And school yard bullying.


We did our first injection this morning, and our second this evening. The schedule for now is for 150 units Follistim in the mornings, and 2 vials of Menopur in the evenings. Dr Boy has been awesome and woke up at 5:30am today so he could inject me before I left for work. He rocks the IVF-spouse job. The follistim bruised. Not a fan. It didn't burn or hurt, just left a surprising bruise. The menopur hurt like a mother effer this time! Which shocked me, because I didn't find it that bad last time. I think we shot it too close to the follistim bruise. We'll fix that one tomorrow, for sure.

The plan is to do bloodwork on Saturday and evaluate things. (Did I mention my e2 from Tuesday came back at 55? Nice and suppressed. Though not as low as it could have been. Oh well.) I'll have my next ultrasound on Monday, which will be the 6th day of stims. Good times!

Also, I ended the sugar fast today, since I started stims. My breaker of choice? A pumpkin spice cookie with cinnamon frosting. It. Was. Amazing. I made it a very proud 25 days.... woohoo! It'll definitely make me think twice about the sugar I put into my body from here on out. At least for, say, the next five minutes or so.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

I'm suppressed.

Had a bit of both the good and the bad this morning. Part of the good was Dr Boy being there for the visit :) With how hectic his schedule is, it's awesome that he's making the effort to go to as much as possible, even if it means getting up a whole hour earlier.

The good- I'm properly suppressed. Lots of follies on each ovary (he said 25+), all nice and small and anxiously awaiting the hard stuff. My lining was measuring about 3.5mm or maybe a wee bit thicker, so Dr S said to expect AF to arrive later today or tomorrow. I have yet to experience a single abdominal cramp, so we'll see about that. (side note: I am taunting AF HARD CORE today. I wore light khaki pants, and fancy undies. And a hot pink sweater. I am practically saying "nah nah nah nah nah, you can't catch me!" in hopes that she's as petty as I am and will show up. I use taunting whenever possible. Even with my own body.) We had a funsies back-of-the-hand blood draw, and we're going to see what my E2 is to decide whether to start stimming tomorrow or Thursday. Ack. Big, big, ack. I should hear from them in the next half hour or so.

The bad- Dr Boy had another analysis of his contribution a little bit ago. They run a more detailed SA for IVF at my clinic than they do for IUIs, with much more strict criteria for morphology and such. Dr S said that only about 25% of samples actually pass the threshold (15% morphology something-or-other) and get recommended to regular old fertilization post-retrieval. Unfortunately, Dr Boy's sample was only at 8%. So, we have a couple of choices. Go ahead and do ICSI, or retest on the day of the retrieval and decide.

We're not sure what to do. Or rather, I'm not sure what to do. I'd rather fertilize naturally, but Dr Boy just wants to take the sure bet. Obviously if the test comes back sub-par on retrieval day, we'll just ICSI and be done with it, because certainly rather get lots of fertilized eggs than not. I think we're going to table that one for now and decide later. That's a plan I can get on board with.

So... yeah! There we are. One of our last injection-free days for the next four months or so, hopefully!

Oh, and here's your daily dose of my "please-don't-look-at-my-biznass-look-at-these-instead" socks. Otherwise known as PDLAMBLATI socks. Also, I shaved my sasquatch legs today. Not for Dr Boy. For the RE.

Today's PDLAMBLATI brought to you by my SIL. I think.

Welcome, ICLWers!

Welcome to anyone stopping by my little piece of the interwebz from ICLW! I love finding new blogs during this time of the month... and I love when new people find me! But really, who doesn't, right?

You've found me right at the start of our journey with our first round of IVF. After almost three years of trying, three rounds of clomid, and two IUI's with menopur, this PCOS-er is moving on and pulling out the big guns. I've got super cystey ovaries, so IVF is the best way to stim them and still control how many babies I pop out at the end :) We took our last BCP on Thursday, and are patiently waiting for AF to arrive so we can start our stims for the antagonist protocol. Either way, our suppression check is tomorrow, bright and early.

Aside from that, I'm your typical almost-thirty year old infertile. Lots of obsessing over each little thing, crying at HIMYM, wistfully staring at moms participating in stroller 5K's.

Oh yeah, also? I've sworn off sugar until I start stims. Today marks my 22nd day. Which, you'll notice, started on HALLOWEEN. I know not why I torture myself.

Stop by and say hi... I'll do the same!

Patiently Waiting

For my family to arrive Wednesday for Thanksgiving.

For my (hopefully) last CD1 for the next year-ish to arrive.

To start IVF.

Baseline u/s is Tuesday morning no matter what happens.

Patience is not a virtue I possess.

I trotted! Turkey Style!

I did it! I finished the race :) I knew I would finish. The only thing in question was the time. I'm thrilled to say I finished the Turkey Trot in 39:23- which was faster than my goal of 42 minutes! I know it's still a painfully slow pace (just over 13 minute miles), but I'm still happy. I haven't run a race in 7 years, and to be honest, this is the first one I didn't want to die after having run. I consider that a WIN!

Also a win? The fabulous sign my friends made for me and Dr Boy at the finish line. It definitely gave me the adrenaline I needed to SPRINT the last 20 seconds or so.

Names have been obscured to protect the guilty

Rock on.

Things of note:
- I love running intervals. I ran (with a friend) for the first 11 minutes straight, then took on intervals of 3 minutes running, 1 minute walking. Worked for us!
- The adrenaline of all those people starting out the race together? Intense! No wonder we skipped our first few walking intervals.
- It was 41 degrees when we started the race. I wish I had mittens. But at least I looked cute-ish?

Admire the fancy running gear

- Dr Boy finished 5 minutes faster than me. Damn him. My consolation prize? I hurt less now than he does. Of course, I trained, and he didn't, so that's fair.
- After the race, Dr Boy had a beer. Because that's how he rolls. We then went to breakfast and ate way more food than is justified for only having run 3 miles. Whatever. It was delicious.
- I'll be taking December off of running (IVF, duhzies), but plan on getting back on the horse in January, pregnant or not. After consulting my physician, of course. The real one. Not the one I'm married to.

Thanks for all the support!

(also, here's one of my favorite pics from this morning, before the race. Love.

We are clearly way too cool for this race.

The kindness of "strangers"

You might remember that about a month ago, when Dr Boy and I were struggling with the decision of whether to go with another menopur/IUI, a fantastic pregnant-with-miracle-trips-through-IVF blogger, Emily, sent me some AWESOME socks. We all know how important socks are! I like to think that it's the socks they're paying attention to while I'm all up in the stirrups, not my biznass. And ya'll will just have to let me live with that illusion.

Well, looks like the immense kindness of the IF community has struck again! I am so lucky to be a part of this group- you are all such wonderful people, and immense sources of knowledge and strength. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

But back to the story. Something AWESOME-SAUCE showed up in the mail today. Something that looked like this:

My cycle-buddy over at Waiting and Wishing sent me an IVF care package. She and I took our last BCP on the same day, so we'll be quite close to each other in terms of cycling. Which is soooo nice. So nice to share the crazy. I like to think that we keep each other entertained. I made her look bipolar on the elliptical, and she made me rethink the way I look at public restrooms forever. We're a good pair!

Not one, but TWO pairs of awesome please-don't-look-at-my-biznass-look-at-these-instead socks. A bookmark with a beautiful inspirational quote. And a note card that looks like it has TWO IMPLANTABLE EMBRYOS!! How flippin' awesome is that?

I am so lucky, you guys. In spite of all this unlucky, I am lucky.

Ode to my BCP

You are now done.

Let's have some fun.

With ovulatory action.

And a bun to put in my ovun.

Today I took my last birth control pill. Quite the exciting swallow. (that's what she said) (yes I'm mature enough to parent) (or at least i will be in 9 months)

I do have a dilemma though, and I'd love some advice. Initially, my protocol involved me taking 22 BCP's, which would make tomorrow my last. Back in the day that I thought I actually needed birth control, I used to get a CD1 about 5 or 6 days after the last pill, which in this case would be Wed or Thurs. I'm supposed to have a baseline u/s on CD1, then start stims on CD2. Right now that u/s is scheduled for Tues, which I think will be too early.

Soooo... I talked to my nurse and she said to cut it down to 21 pills. Hopefully pulling my cycle up by one day and making everything hunky dory.

My question- do I take the 22nd pill or not?

I'm so afraid of timing this all right. I kindof with that it weren't overlapping Thanksgiving, but I guess it is what it is. At least this way we'll know if it was successful before Christmas. Which will be good or bad.

I think I'm just going to call it quits at 21, but I'm still nervous. The RN mentioned that I can still have my baseline u/s on Tuesday, whether I've gotten CD1 or not, so I guess we'll just go with it.

Watch, I'm going to start this weekend and it'll be all screwed :) Because that's what you get when you try and plan, right?

Century Club

Yep, this is lucky number 100. I wish I had something more earthshattering or even entertaining to talk about, but, really, you're not reading Meier Madness for life affirmations so it's ok.

So I'm running a 5K on Saturday called the Turkey Trot. I shall trot away, and hopefully not end up looking like a turkey in the process. My goal is to not finish last in my age group, which may be difficult when you're slow as eff like I am and still under the age of 30. I have to keep telling myself that at least I'm out there doing it, right?

Right?

Even if it takes me 45 minutes?

Awww gee. At least I get to wear my new spiffy cold-weather running clothes. That'll make it fun, right?

What things do you all do that you never thought you would? I hate running. Or, at least I used to. Now? It doesn't suck quite as much ass.

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This lame post has been brought to you by NaBloPoMo.

Because the picture before didn't do it justice...

So this is what's needed for the antagonist protocol, eh? (click to zoom)

I took a photo on my phone when they all arrived, but it definitely didn't do the hoard of meds justice. So, in all its glory, I present you with the obligatory IVF medication photo.

1. Follistim pen
2. Ganirelex (5 doses)
3. Follistim vials (900ml and a 600ml)
4. Antibiotics for retrieval
5. Lupron trigger... in a vial in the bottle
6. Valium for transfer
7. Estrace
8. Steroids for retrieval/transfer
9. Menopur and q-caps, 14 vials
10. PIO (sesame), enough for about 30 doses
11. Needles for drawing and administering PIO
12. Needles for administering menopur
13. Needles for administering the lupron trigger
14. birth control, ALMOST DONE!!!
15. Alcohol swabs
16. TWO sharps containers.

The only things that are missing are some gauze for any bleeding shots, and a small dose of HCG to be administered on retrieval day. The theory is that it'll help my lining to stay thick, and do something or other to mitigate any OHSS I may develop.

Seeing it all laid out like that? Holy cow. At least with the antagonist protocol, there aren't additional lupron shots to be given at the end of the BCP phase, so I can honestly say that this ISN'T as bad as most!

Recipes!

First off, did I make a mistake posting this on a Sunday? Because I cracked myself up. And the goat pic with the milk on the lip? Adorbs. #thatisall

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Second, I love the internetz. While I also love the few cookbooks I own, the interwebz is such a fantabulous source for finding new things. From last night's cooking binge came the following:

Triple Chocolate Cookies- I also love this blogger's muffins. Oh, and with the cookies? I bake eight to a sheet for 14 minutes each. With the dough refrigerated in between batches. And usually freeze a bunch of the dough to snack on w/out baking. So. Ridonkulously. Good.

Gluten Free Bread- Elena has a thing against Almond Flour from Bob's Red Mill, so I bought the stuff she touts on the website. The next day, I found some at Trader Joe's. So.... yeah. I have a lot of Almond Flour. Good thing I like the bread!!! I also used a regular loaf pan, so it's more biscotti shaped than bread, but it's still FABULOUS lightly toasted with butter or a bit of cream cheese!

Roasted Tri-tip: Yes, I know she said to use tenderloin, but the basic concept is the same. And butter? Critical.

The meatballs were a family recipe courtesy of my FIL. So I can't go there.

Enjoy!!!

A List.

1. I baked one gluten-free loaf of bread today. And? It tastes delicious. Who knew?

2. I baked one batch of triple chocolate chip cookies today. EFFING TORTURE. Today is day 14 of the sugar hiatus. I didn't lick a spoon, taste any dough, or enjoy the fruits of my labor. But, Dr Boy will have a nice fat batch to take to work tomorrow, making up for the fact that we didn't have a contribution to the potluck last week due to an untimely power outage.

3. I roasted a tri-tip. Lots of beef for Dr Boy to eat through the week... I'm thinking on top of a salad, steak sandwich, and BBQ style. Good times.

4. I made turkey meatballs. Four servings of easy Dr Boy dinner, coming right up.

5. The theme of today was: I'm too lazy ass to do big cooking during the week, so I'm going to get it out of my system today.

6. I made fried zucchini cakes for ME. And they were delicious.

7. We folded six loads of laundry.

8. I am now going to go to sleep. Feeling productive. And tired. And a little cranky, but I think that's the BCP talking :)

9. INJECTION TRAINING TOMORROW. 'Nuff said.

10. Good night!

More Farm Fun!

So things are still going slowly and boring, so I shall regale you with more tales of the barnyard babies that I busied myself with the week before Halloween.

When we went, one of the areas had a pair of pygmy goats that had been born 11 days prior. With their protective, but still very docile, mother. They were ADORABLE. See?

That hand was later marred by the cute bunny.

Lots of adorable-ness to be had. We pet, we prodded, we swooned. Eleven day old goat kids are totally adorbs. And, like most eleven day old creatures, are hungry. So, so, very hungry.

Awwww... look at how cute nature is in the act.

So the goat kids went on their merry way nursing. And then, something happened. Something, primal.

The goat kids? They WENT AT THOSE NIPS LIKE THEY WERE BOBBING FOR APPLES. Hard. Core. I swear to god, the force they pumped their heads into those teats sent my boobs shriveling up inside my body. Holy HELL they were nursing aggressively. I swear to god, that shiz made me think twice about wanting to breastfeed. For serious.

I might be cute, but I might also rip this shiz off to get a better flow. Don't think I won't. 'Cause I will.

I seriously don't think you understand how AT IT these kids were going. I still shudder to think about it.

Oh yeah. I totally scarred you. Scarred your eyes, and scarred my mom's nips.  Mmmm hmmm.

Oh, and if you think it wasn't on purpose? Think again.

Goat milk. Does a body good.

I may never look at a baby goat the same way again.

They're here!

Our meds arrived!!! Holy hell there's a lot of needles. Injection training is Monday. Last BCP is next Friday.

This might actuay be happening, huh?

TVT

- I am tired of sugar-fasting. TIRED OF IT AND I WANT TO EAT SUGAR DAMNIT. Yeah, that's one of them. Today completes day eleven. My goal to stay off the white stuff until I start stims? In a perfect world, that's fourteen days away. I'm not even halfway through. I caught myself staring at the candy bars in the snack shack at the work kitchen today while my lunch was in the microwave. Sad. I'm hoping this is just the hard part getting past the hump and then it'll be smooth sailing. Jamima said it worked that way for her. Dear god please let this get easier.

- I am so effing antsy to start stims. Or more accurately, to get my damned period, which will mark when I'm able to start stims. I don't know if it's because I started BCPs on CD20ish, without a bleed, because there was no ovarian activity, but MAN, my ute feels ready to burst. 8 more pills. And seriously? I wouldn't be surprised if AF makes me pay for the fact that I'm trying to make it my last for a year.

- Meds arrive tomorrow. ALL of them, apparently. Unless we need refills, of course. I talked to the pharmacy today and it looks like they did order my post-transfer stuff along with everything else. So the cheapie price? Wow. Happy times.

- Our power finally came back on at 11pm last night. We forgot to turn off all the lights, so we were thrown from sleep into a VERY WELL LIT HOUSEHOLD. I think we'll do a better job at not leaving all the lights on in the house from now on ;)

- On that note, we DID manage to cut our gas/electric bill in half this month! To be fair, weather permitted us to not turn on the heat OR the a/c a single time, but still... I'm happy! That certainly won't be the case this month, as it's been flippin' frigid. Because yes, 38 degrees in the morning is frigid to this CA wuss.

- I have tomorrow off... thanks a ton, Veterans! No seriously, thank you. You are awesome. All of you who ARE, or have significant others who are members of our armed forces, you are ridiculously awesome, and I wish I could thank every single one of you.

- I have tomorrow off, thank god because I might damn well murder one of my colleagues. It's a boys club in the office. I'm the only woman who works there, aside from our admin assistant. There's lots of douche-baggery that goes on, and I don't always feel very included. Today especially. Effers.

Vomit on, folks!

Power

We don't haz it.

Instead, we haz candles. And blankets for the chill. And blogging from my cell.

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In more important news, we ordered our IVF meds today! They arrive on Friday, so we can take them to our injection training Monday morning. Two pluses:

1. The clinic sent in some coupons that took $400 off the bill. Score!

2. The bill was $1K less than the estimate! Double score!

I'm sure we're going to end up outlaying more, as they were conservative with the quantities. That's always nice. Plus, this doesn't include the meds needed post-transfer. Those are a steroid, an estrogen of some sort, and the ever-exciting PIO. Estimate for that isn't bad at all.


One more step closer! And only 9 more BCPs.

The wait is killing me, but I'm sure it'll sneak up fast!

Such a Good Girl

This pup? She makes my heart melt.

Most days.

Today is one of them :)

Cravings

I have a confession to make.

I have not eaten a single piece of Halloween candy this year.

I shit you not. Four bags were purchased (snickers, kit kat, reese's pb cups, and twix, for those of you with inquiring minds). About 8 pieces remain. And we only had about 10-15 trick or treaters TOTAL.

You know what that means? Dr Boy is enjoying himself :)

Honestly though, on Halloween, I decided that I was going to go on a sugar-fast. My friend Jamima (whose beautiful daughters provide LOTS of child-therapy) went sugar-free for 30 days through Sept/Oct. Bravely enough, she tackled this strait through a 3-yr old birthday party and everything. Successfully. Of course, the girl's a PROFESSIONAL TRIATHLETE, so she can pretty much do anything, but tackling a hard-core craving is tough no matter who you are.

I had intended on doing this through October, and having Halloween be my break-the-fast. But vacation came. And another BFN. So no, I ate my way through that month happily.

But now, just about two and a half weeks away from starting IVF stims, I'm going for the gold. And I started last Monday. The worst sugar day of the year.

Today is will complete day 8. I've had fake sugar twice- a sugar-free vanilla latte, and a teaspoon of stevia on my grapefruit. I'm ok with that.

My goal? No sugar 'til I start stims.

Oy. Vey.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

I went to a petting zoo with some friends last week... and of course, hilarity ensued. Hilarity which will probably end up getting me killed in some sort of Animal Farm type rebellion. 

But at least it was fun, right?

You KNOW that bunny is cute.

Oh my goodness, the bunny just told me to "put 'er down or I'd be sorry!"

See? It's ready to make me sorry.

This bunny right here? All bark and no bite.

I shall shame him by deflating his ears now.

While there were other cute baby animals (like the 11 day old pygmy goat babies who nurse with a voracity that scared the crapballs out of my boobs), the bunnies made me the happiest :)

Saturday Tidbits

1. I ran/walked 3.5 miles in 41 degree weather, completely outwitting the CA weather wuss that I am. Woot!

2. I spent too much money on running clothes so that I can run in wussy CA cold weather.

3. I went to an awesome open house. Just for fun. It's like crack, I tell you!

4. I went to Doctor Prom. So. Much Fun! Complete with dorky photos in front of a fake background and everything! I'd show you, but then I'd have to kill you. And that would make me sad.


Hope you're all having a fun weekend!


**I apologize for the lameness of this post. Less lameness to follow tomorrow.

NaBloPoMo

Did I mention I was participating?

'Cause I am. Which is crazy. I've never written TEN posts in a month, let alone THIRTY.

Which is clear right now because I have no idea what to say.

So instead, I will leave you with a couple of photos from the vacation Dr Boy and I went on in October. We spent time in Boston, Vermont, and Albany... Good times to be had everywhere we went!!!

Charles River

Mike's Pastry- I may have eaten there three times in five days. Maybe.

Yep, totally went on the dorky Duck tour. Fun times!

Hiking up Mt Tom in Woodstock, VT

Gorgeous Fall Color!

The happy Meier's

Mmmm... Beer tasting...

TVT

Happy Thursday! It's that time of the week again! Say thanks to Oak for providing the vomititious kid in the pic!

- One of my cats is currently chasing her tail. Through the hole in a level of her cat tree. Because if you can't SEE that it's attached, it must NOT be attached. We breed winners over here.

Whaaaat? Don't judge me!

- Had my saline sono today. I didn't take the recommended 600-800mg advil. Honestly, it wasn't awful. The catheter that they insert into the uterus is the same size as what they use for an IUI, so that wasn't bad. They use the speculum to crank 'er open to insert it, then toss it in and measure how deep your ute is, then carefully remove the speculum and replace it with 'ol wandy. Next, they hook the end of the catheter up to a plunger full of saline and toss it all in while they watch on the screen. Everything looked good, no septum, no nada. A "perfectly hospitable looking womb".  Yay my womb! I'm still pretty crampy, but then again I definitely pushed it tonight in terms of activity.

- I wore the awesome socks in the middle of this picture to the appointment today. They were given to me by the AWESOME Emily, who just so happens to be a 7 or 8 weeks into a successful IVF pregnancy... with triplets! She wore a pair of socks like the ones on the left to a transfer of hers, and I mentioned how much AWESOME I think she had on her feet. And you know what happened next? She mailed me a few pairs of AWESOME to put on MY feet! She's awesome. I'm saving the Mary Janes for the retrieval or transfer... can't decide which.

- I saw a double rainbow after my saline sono this afternoon. I didn't know what it meant.

- Went to an infertility support group meeting tonight (part of the reason I pushed it tonight) with The Womb Warrior and others. As usual, it was truly wonderful to see others going through similar circumstances and to hear their stories. The blogging and tweeting community are AMAZING, but there really is just something to face-to-face contact.

'till next time.... Vomit On!

If vs When

During the meeting with our IVF nurse on Monday, I was very aware of the fact that she used the phrase "When" each time she referred to the success of our cycle. I usually use "if".

If AF arrives in time before Thanksgiving.

If I respond well to the stims.

If we retrieve enough mature eggs.

If we fertilize any of those mature eggs.

If we get to transfer this month.

If we get a BFP.

If I manage to carry to term.

All this iffy-ness is exhausting. But I can't quite bring myself to use the when. I mean, I do use it occasionally when someone pesters me about my craptastic attitude, but I always do it with an exaggerated eye roll. (who me? snarky? no......)

Infertility is a crazy bitch. Much like me. She plays this awful game of "Get your hopes up! Cross your fingers! It's totes going to work this time!!! Believe in the Power of Positive Thinking!!!" then at the end of a cycle, changes her tune to "Well, I mean, you knew there was only a small chance of success, right? You're infertile, did you really think it'd be that easy? Nanner nanner short luteal phase! There's always next time! Next time will be the one!" IF is a delicate dance of guarding against failure while desperately hoping for success. But not hoping so much that you end up in the bathtub eating a pizza and bawling your eyes out at the end of failed cycle. Because let's be honest, we've all ended up in that bad place in some shape or form at the end of a disheartening toilet paper check and there is nothing you can do to drag yourself out of it but cry it out. And indulge in delicious cheesy carbs.

I haven't decided when I'm going to let myself transition from if to when. Maybe it'll happen on its own. Maybe it won't happen at all. Maybe it'll be when I carry the mini-Meier home from the hospital. Whenever it does, when will be the most wonderful feeling in the world.

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Also!!! Lest I forget to ask. I never get a flu shot. Ever. Never had one. Despite Dr Boy bringing home every pediatrics-related virus in the world, I never get the darned shot. This year, though... with that whole, if we get pregnant off this IVF cycle thing, I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and bite the bullet. What's one more injection in the grand scheme of things, right? And I was thinking of doing it before IVF gets under way. That way I won't have to get it *while* pregnant or going through treatments. Advice from all you lovely ladies? I'm going in for my saline sono tomorrow and it would be a convenient chance to do it. Muchos gracias!


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Also, to the person that googled "gre.at+dri.nker+an.d+su.ck.er+of+sp.e.r.m" to get to my blog? Eff off. What the HELL did I ever type to get pinged from THAT search?

Calendar is Set!

Well, folks, it would appear that this show is on the road.

I took my first BCP last Friday, and will take my last on the 18th. The goal is to have my suppression check and start stims the week of Thanksgiving, with retrieval the week of December 5th. Ack! I am officially overwhelmed. In a good way, but overwhelmed nonetheless.

We're doing an antagonist protocol, as I mentioned earlier, with Gonal-F and Menopur, then Cetrotide added in, then a Lupron trigger. Know what's awesome about all of that? It's all sub-q. No booty shots until the PIO starts... woohoo! We did decide to go with the PIO, ultimately. I know that studies have shown that endometrin suppositories are equally effective, but I'd rather just do the shots and leave out any of the guess work. Just our personal preference, ultimately.

I'm terrified, excited, overwhelmed, and thankful all at the same time. I'm terrified that CD1 won't come before Thanksgiving and things will be pushed back. Or worse, cancelled. I'm excited to finally be doing something with a greater than 50% chance of success. As high as 70%, even. I'm overwhelmed by the numerous consent forms and list of medications, and amount of money we're spending this month now. But I'm thankful that my clinic was able to get together a plan this quickly, and that my body has been cooperating so far.

The next step is my saline sonogram, on Thursday. One thing I want to make sure to ask is that I'm not slated to take any lupron at the end of this month's cycle as part of the suppression phase... has anyone else had a protocol that left that part out? After that, Dr Boy does an additional SA next week to double check the state of the swimmers. Our meds should arrive in about two weeks, and we have our injection training on the 14th.

Dr Boy is stressed out about all the up-in-the-air nature of this. He's worried he won't be able to cancel clinic the morning of the retrieval or the transfer, and generally stressed out about the cost. I can't blame him. I feel so much guilt that my body has let us down so much that we have to outlay this much time, money, and effort to create a child. That it's stripped us of the spontaneity of making a family. I feel so guilty, and so sad about that. Dr Boy tells me he married ME, not my ovaries, but I still can't help but feel the guilt of it all.

I'll get past it though. Especially when we get our BFP from this. Because we will. Because I can't imagine where we'll be if we don't.