All A'board... again

Oh, and happy ICLW! I'm only two days late on that one... oops. Seriously, hi to all of you stopping by through ICLW. In a nutshell, I have PCOS, and ovaries who value quantity over quality. After failing the clo clo challenge, we moved strait to injectables, and had a hard time getting my oves to respond with much of anything there. After two BFN's, we did our first IVF cycle in Nov/Dec. That ended in a BFN, and our FET in Feb ended up in a crappy chemical. You've caught us right at the precipice of our second FET... and had our transfer today!

Dr Boy and I had a pretty fabulous weekend, though it was ridiculously hot and humid here, completely uncharacteristic of the area. Our alma mater had a huge parade/open house/festival type thing and we saw a ton of old friends from undergrad, then on Sunday we took an impromptu trip to Napa. Much needed R&R to relax pre-transfer!

Today didn't really go as well as either of us would have liked. It started off well- finished up some laundry, changed the sheets, cut my pineapple, threw dinner in the crockpot, and headed to pre-transfer acupuncture. I left super relaxed and went to the clinic. Just before we got there, Dr Boy got a call from our RE. The thaw was not going well. 

Our plan was to thaw each embryo individually until we ended up with two high quality ones to transfer. We had three day 6 embies left, 1 day seven frozen alone, and 2 day sevens frozen together. After going through the three day 6's and the 1 day 7, we had one that survived at 80%, two at 60%, and one at 50%. We were going for two 80's. The RE wanted permission to thaw the last two we had, which we agreed to. As that was going on, one of the 60%ers fragmented more and we were down to an 80, a 60, and two 50s. We had, in one transfer, blasted through all six of our remaining embryos from December's IVF. We've got nothing left. If this doesn't work, it's back to the drawing board (and bank account, and ER).

At this point, thoughts of transferring more than two were floating around, risks were being evaluated, tears were flowing, and my adrenaline pretty much killed any buzz I would have gotten from the valium. We hung out for another hour waiting for the last two to thaw, then headed back to the transfer room. 

PDLAMBLATI- Complements of Her Royal Fabulousness

and Cristy's Fertility Sock Exchange!

Finally, we got the good news that one of those last two thawed at 80% (and the other at 65%) so were able to transfer that and the other (which had started hatching while we waited, apparently- sweet!). After transfer, the embryologist checked the catheter to make sure all babies were on board, and low and behold, we had a holdout! 

"I've still got one here!" So, in goes the catheter again, another swoosh and flash shows up on the u/s monitor, and we finally got the all clear that the ute party had started. 

Post-transfer acupuncture helped me calm down, but it was not quite the zen-like magical moment I had hoped for. AND my car** hit 66,666 miles as we drove home. I take this to mean I am carrying Dr Boy's devil spawn. Of course. 

Spawn 1 and Spawn 2 (lefty is the sticky, day 7 embie

and righty is the more easy going hatching day 6-er)

(dark spots are the parts which didn't survive thaw, called fragmentation)

So now we wait... and rest... and bribe these embies with cookies and pineapple and other delights while we pray that someone decides to stick around for the long haul this time. We are super lucky at least... our clinic does the first beta at 13dpo, which for us will be 7dp6dt. Only a one. week. wait.

Beta in 7 days...

-------------------------------------
**The car we bought four years ago when we decided to start trying. It was brand new. And had 1,000 miles on it. Yeah. That car. Piece of advice, guys? Don't buy the car until you're effing pregnant and damn near bursting your waters. </end public service announcement/bitter infertile rant>

Chemical WTF Appt (& gross picture)

Our appointment went well today. I do have to give my RE credit- he makes our WTF appointments very calming and relaxed***. He answers my questions fully, and takes my crazy seriously. Without overtly telling me I'm a freak. (always a bonus) He started out telling me that, obviously, they're all very sorry it ended up this way, but that he's glad we discontinued medication last week as he suggested. Talked about how in the vast majority of cases, chemical pregnancies are an embryo problem, not something stemming from the uterine environment. There is some weak evidence that these embryo problems occur more frequently in PCOS patients, but that whether it is or isn't, there's no reason we shouldn't keep going the way we are. I know he brought up more than that, but I just can't remember what exactly.

We talked about our next cycle- the one we will get to do in APRIL. Heck yeah. Next time the nurse freaks me out about waiting forever and a half to get back on the horse, please remind me that TWICE they've said that and TWICE the RE said we could pick right back up. Please. Remind me.

It felt like this is trying to claw its way out of my uterus.
Also, it's what I feel like I turn into while on Lupron. X-Files FTW!
AND! The reason I have a porta potty fear and can't step on shower drains.

Basically, we're going to test my HCG on Monday, and if we're back to not-pregnant status start BCP. Judging by what's turned into quite the vigorously painful AF from hell, he fully expects us to be back under 5 by then. I'll be on BCP for 2-3 weeks, then start estrace fun when CD1 arrives. We will NOT BE DOING LUPRON (what what!) this time around. He's pretty darned sure the estrogen and my shitty ovaries will keep me sufficiently suppressed, but in the event that a follie forms, we'll cancel and try again next cycle.


This is an acceptable risk for us. With the level of batshit crazy I developed while cycling on lupron, it is far more worth delaying ourselves a month than risking it again. I have no desire to go back on antidepressants, and I know that is exactly where I would have ended up had I needed that injection of liquid depression. He said it's a very small risk given my history, and we will gladly take it. Plus, he said the lack of suppression may actually help my lining develop a little better this time around. Win win for everyone!

I asked about repeating the HSG or saline sonogram just to make sure the ute is all cleared out from this month's debacle, and he was completely on board. We'll schedule that on Monday.

I also asked about IV intralipid therapy- and he's actually not really super keen on it. In fact, he split up with a previous practice he was working at in the early 90's because of a disagreement over its use. In his opinion, the benefits are not strongly enough proven that they overcome the risks involved. He did seem very knowledgeable about the procedure and all, just doesn't advocate it as a tool to increase chances of obtaining a healthy pregnancy. At least we'll save money there!

He also fully supported my trips to the acupuncturist through the entire cycle (including the pre and post transfer visits) which makes me happy. If nothing else, he appreciates it for its calming qualities.

We'll deal with an exact calendar when my SIXTH beta comes back on Monday, but we are good to go for some time in the end of April. Two day 6 embies, provided they survive the thaw. If not, we'll use one of the day 7s (right now we have 3 day 6's and 3 day 7's).

Before we leave for our vacation, we'll know.

This makes me very. very. very. happy.

----------------------------------------------
*** He may have also been placating me so I keep bringing them "I'm not mad at you for failing to get me pregnant" treats. I brought homemade english toffee for our Dec cycle, and these chocolate covered pretzels this time around.

Trader Joes Honey Wheat + Chocolate = Awesome

Freeze Report and Why Early Testing is the Devil (6dp5dt)

So last I left you to take a gander at my right column dealio to decipher what we ended up freezing from this cycle. To recap, we still had 17 embies growing on the day of transfer. We transferred two, leaving 15 to continue growing and makin' da behbehs for us.

Our clinic will only freeze (or at least in our case) once an embie hits blasts. They'll give them until day 7 to do so, then call it quits. I called on Monday afternoon (day 7), and found out that 5 embies had hit blast by Sunday and were frozen, and another three caught up on Monday and were added to our lot.

We have 8 snowy embies! Snowbies! If you look at it as 8 out of the 36 that were retrieved, it's kind of depressing knowing that we lost about 75% of what was gathered. On the other hand, we TRANSFERRED TWO AND HAVE EIGHT FROZEN.

That maketh me happy. So do these slippers. Though not in the same way.

Gratuitous PDLAMBLATI. Noone's lookin' at my business,
but they sure are warm and cozy and cute.

Onto the devil sticks. I was emboldened by the success of Rebecca at Pink Lipgloss and Prenatals, whose trigger never tested out. She's had some great beta's and has her first u/s next week :) Awesome!

But anywho, I thought, well, I had some pretty good uterine cramping at 1, 2, and 3 dp5dt (days past a day 5 transfer). No implantation spotting, but that doesn't always happen. I had two GREAT looking embies transferred. Since about Tuesday (hmmmm, the first day I went back to work with a 6am start time) I've been reaching my awake limit at about noon. Right around there, I hit a point where my eyeballs burn and it literally hurts to keep them open. So much so that putting cold spoons on them sounds absolutely divine. Also, no matter what I eat, I get heartburn. Not awful, but definitely makes me think twice about snacking on anything other than cool water.

That's it though. Exhaustion, which can be explained away by lots of activity after lots of inactivity, and heartburn that can be explained away by unhealthy snacking. (though dude, even my dinner salad made me burny)

So I tested yesterday at 5dp5dt. Nothing. I had an incredibly vivid dream just before I woke up, where I just knew I was pregnant. Absolute, one hundred percent certainty. I felt so FULL. Full of everything that I can imagine it would feel like to finally have this happen for us. So Right. Perfect. I woke up still holding onto that feeling, and couldn't keep myself away from the devil sticks.

And I tested again today at 6dp5dt. Nothing. I again dreamt, this time of a co-worker announcing that his wife, whom I met on Tuesday, was pregnant. And due tomorrow. Holy hell, that one sent me into the breakroom in tears. In the dream, of course.

And tomorrow, I will test again. Because really, I've already broken the seal on this round and once you start, you just can't damn well stop before the beta, right? (sunday) But I'm breaking out the Big Guns. I have six First Response Early Results, the Rolls Royce of pee sticks according to Mo.

Please hold me. I'm finally on the doubt side of the roller coaster, and it feels like shit.