Ah burnt mah boobsicle

Yup, it was the first warm-ish and gorgeous day out here in sunny CA in a couple weeks, and my dumb butt goes and burns her decolletage while enjoying a lunch outdoors. Genius. Rockstar. Awesomesauce.

Hello, to all you ICLWers out there! Welcome to my world of failed IUIs, a failed fresh IVF cycle, and a chemical pregnancy from our first FET. You've caught me on the precipice of starting meds for our second FET, which will luckily be taking place with barely just enough time to get betas back before traveling out of the country. I look forward to reading many of your stories and meeting new friends out there to cheer on! For more on our story, check out the "Behind the Madness" and "Making a mini-Meier" tabs... you'll get all the sordid details.

When last you heard from me, I was in a pretty awesome depressive spiral about our chemical pregnancy, the one that felt like it would NEVER END. We had our SEVENTH beta this past Monday, and incredibly luckily, are finally off that train. Beta's officially back below 5, and I immediately took my first BCP for FET round 2. After a lot of support from Dr Boy, my family, good friends, and wine with The Womb Warrior, I was ready for whatever outcome the blood test gave us, but am thrilled at what did.

Our next protocol will be pretty tight, as I mentioned. Twelve BCPs, a couple of weeks of estrace suppositories, a few estradiol valerate shots here and there, and an official transfer date of April 23rd. A mere four weeks and four days away. (note the lack of lupron in our plan... SO HAPPY) Our first beta will be on April 30th, and the second on May 2nd. We're wheels up for lands afar at 9:30am on May 3rd. Hope the embies like to travel! I'll post our nicely color coded calendar tomorrow :)

Welcome, ICLWers!

Welcome to anyone stopping by my little piece of the interwebz from ICLW! I love finding new blogs during this time of the month... and I love when new people find me! But really, who doesn't, right?

You've found me right at the start of our journey with our first round of IVF. After almost three years of trying, three rounds of clomid, and two IUI's with menopur, this PCOS-er is moving on and pulling out the big guns. I've got super cystey ovaries, so IVF is the best way to stim them and still control how many babies I pop out at the end :) We took our last BCP on Thursday, and are patiently waiting for AF to arrive so we can start our stims for the antagonist protocol. Either way, our suppression check is tomorrow, bright and early.

Aside from that, I'm your typical almost-thirty year old infertile. Lots of obsessing over each little thing, crying at HIMYM, wistfully staring at moms participating in stroller 5K's.

Oh yeah, also? I've sworn off sugar until I start stims. Today marks my 22nd day. Which, you'll notice, started on HALLOWEEN. I know not why I torture myself.

Stop by and say hi... I'll do the same!

Does this shade of crazy look good on me?

Apparently it does. To recap the drama'z:

CD15: estadiol 84, all follies under 10mm, decide to *try* to keep going another few days
CD16/17: IVF/FET freakout
CD18: estradiol 226, yippee! U/S scheduled for CD20
CD19: estradiol 428, extra yippee!
CD20: Ultrasound showed an 18.5mm follie on lefty, and a 15mm and 14mm on righty. Uterine lining 9.4mm (up from 8.2 for IUI #1)

Score! It would appear that my body thrives on crazy, which is a good thing because I don't see that changing any time soon. We decided to trigger that night (which was Saturday), then do the IUI Monday morning. Rock the heck on! Even better was having Dr Boy at the ultrasound so he could see the excitingness that is a successful follicle-finding ultrasound. Bonus: He was able to reschedule his first hour of patients Monday morning so he could be there when the plunger was pushed :) Silly, but still meaningful to me. And him. Saturday night's trigger was super easy, again, the easiest shot of the 18 we had to administer this go-around.

It didn't end up going as smoothly as we had hoped Monday morning. We dropped off the goods, and came back an hour later for our 8:40am appt. OK, we actually showed up about 15 min before that in hopes that we could get the show on the road, and DB to his clinical duties asap. We let them know we were back, and proceeded to see everyone else in the waiting room enter, then exit the dr's offices. Dr Boy can get a wee bit high strung sometimes, especially when it comes close to him being late for something. Like work. Which cannot happen. By 8:55am, we asked the receptionist what the heck was going on, because if we didn't get called back in the next minute or two, DB was going to have to leave. She said we were "coming right up."

Didn't happen. DB left at 9am. There was much anxiety on his part, but I was doing my best to stay in my zen place for happy fertilizing. I was called back at 9:10, and when questioned about the timeliness (or lack thereof) of the appt, the NP performing the IUI proclaimed that she wasn't running late! Yeah, 30 minutes past an appt time generally constitutes running late, but whatever. Zen place. It is what it is, and the fact that Dr Boy was able to come to the appt sat, and be there for at least the waiting on in the morning was wonderful. I asked about the stats, but all they note is whether the post-wash sample has > 20 mil and > 50% motility. Which is did :)

Despite the pre-game dramaz, the IUI went very well (I think). I definitely felt the catheter going past the cervix because I'm blessed (ha!) with a super-sensitive cervix, but there was no pain or cramping the rest of the day like IUI #1. There was quite a bit of discharge about an hour later though, which combined with the lack of pain makes me worried that the sample wasn't deposited in my ute. Again, going to my zen place, because it is what it is at this point. Surely she knew what she was doing, right? Right? And if not, well, we supplemented the process just in case.

So now I'm 1 DPO and on the crazy scale? Probably down around a 1 or so. Fantasticness.

So there you have it.... from inaction to insemination in seven days flat! And the boobs are already getting sore so I know there's at least some progesterone floating around my system.

I'm.... dare I say it... excited!

And for you, dear readers, I have a question- what do you all do during the TWW to promote implantation? I don't have enough crazy going on right now, and I desperately need help coming up with something to fill that void! Hope you're all well!

(PS- come on, you know you want to "join this site" google-style... giveaway at 50!)

Facelift!

And just in time for ICLW, too!

Thanks to the fabulous Aly at Bridge Work Blog Design, Meier Madness has a whole new look! I am quite the fan... are you? Aly manages to do a great job at inexpensive blog design, all while figuring the in's and out's of her second high-risk pregnancy (which she talks about over at The Infertility Overachievers). She caught me right in the middle of the Clomid Crazies, and put up with me without a single complaint... more than I can say for Dr Boy :) Seriously though, she's awesome, and won't stop until you LOVE your design. Check her out! And grab my button! I heart it.

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As for MY infertility overachieving, my body continues to toy with me. I've been having some interesting pre-AF-like cramping since Saturday, and let's just say that since yesterday, I could make my own omelet (TMI? Sorry 'bout that!). I've been putting off starting the provera since I thought maybe I'd cycle on my own, but the addition of the EWCM makes me think my body just tried to o whatever pitiful follies it decided to produce. Oh well. Provera will commence Thursday morning, just in case. After another "glutton for punishment" morning pregnancy test. Good think I bought a bajillion of them for cheap. Based on last time, that should put CD1 on Sunday the 7th, with a good window on either end to go in for my baseline ultrasound and to get my protocol. Which would loosely end my TWW somewhere around Sept 4th-ish. Not that I'm an obsessive compulsive planner or anything...

Thanks for all the menopur advice, too! I'm pretty sure that's what I'll be on. Plus the hCG trigger. And an insemination. Oh boy oh boy!

"I hope you're not afraid of needles"

I'm not, thank goodness. Because that's what we're going to need for this next cycle.

Dr Boy and I went to the RE meeting on Friday. We were meeting the new doctor (same dept, just a real dr instead of nurse practitioner) to discuss where to go since I didn't respond to the clomid. At all. He did another wanding just to confirm that CD26 didn't bring me any closer to a dominant follicle or anything that even remotely resembled ovarian response. Surprise! It didn't! Oh wait.... that wasn't a surprise....

Side Note: Has anyone else had their husband in the room for a wanding? It's a bit awkward. The dr had to have me scoot down further about three times, and spread my legs "WIDER! WIDER! I know you're no stranger to this! WIDER!" Awk. Ward.

We went over the fact that MAYBE moving up to 150mg clomid would help, but probably not. We went over the possibility of femara, but this clinic doesn't endorse it based on ongoing studies that it may or may not have a link to limb defects. Uhhhhhh NO. So we decided to go strait to Menopur with an hCG trigger and IUI. Eeeek!!! I'm to start provera today or tomorrow (probably tomorrow since I forgot to take a preg test with my f.m.u.), and head in to receive my set of meds on the 1st day of my cycle.

It all feels real now.... Anyone have any experience with menopur? Any helpful hints that you can share? Thanks!

Just to Eff With Me

Happy ICLW to all of you! To the newcomers, check out this post to see our sordid TTC history. The only addition is an HSG (no problems found), a failed unmedicated cycle, and a failed attempt at an IUI this month (my body decided to scoff at the 100mg clomid). The ovaries think that clomid is SOOOOO lowbrow.

My body has been doing weird things in the last few days. Mainly to eff with me, I think.

- Heartburn. Usually when I'm standing or sitting strait up, in fact. I've been eating pretty darned well, and have no idea where this is coming from.
- Nausea. I feel fairly vomititious in the evenings and mornings. I even threw up Tues evening. (aren't you so glad you knew that?)
- Swollen middle. I'm no skinny minny, but the two pounds I've gained during this cycle went STRAIT to the spare tire. NOWHERE ELSE.
- Exhaustion. I wake up in the morning thinking it's only been an hour or two because GAWD there's no way I've already been asleep for seven hours. Then I look at the clock and want to cry.
- Lots of crying. I'm always an emotional wreck, but right now? Oy vey. Example- Dr Boy and I watched the first two HP movies in the last few days. I cried on no less than 15 occasions during each. Pretty sure I was more amusing to DB than the films.

Let's get one thing strait. I AM NOT PREGNANT. So why the HELL do I have so many symptoms? I reserve the right to complain about pregnancy symptoms while NOT pregnant. That way I can relish in the flowers and rainbows that my constipation will equate to when there's a baby in my belly.

Hello? Anybody in there?

What a crappy week to go MIA blog-style, huh?

Dr Boy and I went on vacation with my family, and the internet was quite a bit spottier than we had initially thought. Have you ever been to Yosemite Nat'l Park? Pretty freakin' beautiful. I used to go there with my parents a lot as a child, but this was the first time we had been back as a whole family in YEARS. Add on the fact that we've had the heaviest snowpack in 30 years, and that we were there during the peak snowmelt week of the spring, things were FLOWING! Absolutely gorgeous.

 Hannah had herself a pretty good time, too.

But now you're all like "Seriously though, how 'bout that Drs appt you had last week? I mean, Yosemite is pretty and all, but I hear relaxing DOESN'T get you pregnant. Drs do."

The appt with the RE went pretty well. I like her, but I think I my personality might be a bit too high-energy for us to click super-well (Read: she's calm and relaxing, I'm cra-zazy). I got re-wanded and was hit with a couple blows-
1. Ovaries are still VERY polycystic. Doesn't look like the 1500mg metformin have kicked those little suckers into submission at all.

2. Even though I was 2 weeks past ovulation, the ovaries didn't show any sign of having actually released an egg. So why the eff did the pee stick tell me I did? She didn't have an answer for that one.

We also went over the results of Dr Boys SA. Everything looked fabulous on that front except for the viscocity. Which I had never really heard of with respect to a SA before. Turns out his goo is a little gooier than they prefer, meaning the boys have to work a whole lot harder to get anywhere than they should. Think about swimming through honey instead of water. Yeah, that's a whole lot harder. She did say that it's a fairly subjective part of the test though, and is having him re-do that one this week and see if it was just a fluke. (Because who doesn't want to fondle oneself at their workplace? Twice?) She also reassured me that peeing after we woo-hoo won't keep me from getting knocked up. (Yes, laugh at me now. Irrational fears are hilaaaaarious)

After going through my entire history, we talked about where we should go from here. She understood our relative sense of urgency. Not urgency so much as just wanting to get the show on the road finally. She gave us two options. Both options include starting provera to induce the period. It won't really make CD1 show up all that much earlier than it would otherwise based on my "usual" cycle length, but it should at least clear me out better. (Oh, and just took the last of 10 provera pills yesterday, so bring on the cramps, baby)
1. Do a round with 100mg chlomid, starting on CD3, 4, or 5. Use the pee sticks. Engage in bam-chicka-bam-bam. Maybe do an IUI depending on the results of SA take 2.

2. Do a round of chlomid with menapur to stim the ovaries a bit more. Other activities to commence as before.

Here are my concerns:
1. Neither option includes much monitoring mid-cycle. I am VERY interested to see exactly where the cycle is breaking down- I keep getting +OPKs, but the last wanding didn't show any signs of Oing. What's up with that? Why do my boobs hurt SO MUCH at the end of the cycle? Why does it take 50 days for my body to cycle? I'd really prefer to have regular wandings or at least blood tests to see what part of the process is blowing chunks.

2. Can we please do an IUI no matter what? Just for good measure? If there's even a question of poor viscocity, isn't it better safe than sorry?

3. There were some signs that my thyroid hasn't been regulated. She didn't know exactly how to regulate the meds properly, so referred me back to my primary care physician. I'm uncomfortable with this. Because fertility can be such a thyroid-based issue, shouldn't my fertility doc be managing the problem? I don't like that she's not capable of doing that herself.

We decided to go for just the chlomid cycle, and I plan on advocating HARD for an insemination once the results from take 2 come back. We did agree that this would be the only round of chlomid before moving onto more aggressive treatment, so I'm fine with this as a more "exploratory" cycle.


Because of the other bits I'm uncomfortable with though, Dr Boy and I decided that at the end of this cycle we'll be switching doctors. There is an ObGyn doc that works in the RE dept, who happens to come highly recommended by a few of Dr Boys colleagues. We've been in contact with him, and he agrees with the general plan of action for now, but would take care of the whole picture- investigating the ineffectiveness of the metfomin, thyroid issue, and fertility plan. He happens to be out of town for the rest of the month, so going with the RE for this cycle fits just fine.


In summary:
1. Chlomid this cycle.
2. Advocating for an IUI when the time comes.
3. Begging for wandings and/or blood tests throughout to see what the damn problem is. (I feel like a junkie. An infertility junkie)
4. Start with Dr Competence at the end of July when this cycle ends. Unless it works. ha.


Any suggestions from you guys? How much monitoring mid-cycle is too much? Too little? What points in your cycle do your docs generally take a peek at things to see how it's progressing? Am I clinically insane?


Thanks for all the kind comments on my last few posts- I look forward to getting to know you guys better and am so glad ICLW is here to bring us together!

Mid-Cycle Update

Thanks to everyone stopping by from ICLW! This is my first time around for this and it's so wonderful to read about so many others going through the same struggles. I don't really have any close friends with babies, or who are trying to conceive. I wish I did. It'd be nice to have people to commiserate with IRL. But you guys are pretty awesome too :)

Don't get me wrong- I've got a fantastic support group. Just 'cause my mom or best friend isn't struggling with IF doesn't mean that they aren't amazing. They are. And I wouldn't WANT them to struggle. This whole thing blows more chunks than a pregnant woman in her first trimester. 

And Dr Boy is pretty cool too. He has his moments where it's not as real to him. He doesn't have to pee on a stick half the month to see when the big O is.  He puts up with my hysterical crying spurts when I see Facebook "friends" procreating. (I really need to clean house, like AP over at My Dusty Uterus did/is doing) He deals when I'm moody and a big fat bitch the days I get BFNs. And DB does have a cute butt so that always makes things better. 


So onto IF news, I'm currently still out in the Midwest, sans-Dr Boy. I'm having a blast (maybe I'll tell you what I'm doing out here later), but do feel pretty guilty for potentially being gone when I could be ovulating. It's CD15, and I've been peeing on a stick for the past five days. Nothing yet, which isn't all that unexpected being that the usual is between days 15 and 20. I get home on cd19. (sorry if this is all repeating myself). Dr Boy took care of his, uh, specimen, yesterday. I called to make my first appt now that all the tests are complete, and I'm set for Wed June 15th. I'm a little bummed that it's in three weeks, but it at least (in theory) should be after my next TWW. So that's kinda nice. Hopefully they'll give me provera so I don't have to wait forever for the next cycle to start, and we can get this show on the road. 

Suh-weet!

Alrighty, thanks again for stopping by! Looking forward to seeing all of you around!

Happy ICLW!

This is my first one, so forgive me if I'm a little jumbled. I'm also busy driving around the Midwest, so I may not be around as much as usual. That said, I'm excited! I can't wait to find more of you out there going through so many of the same things.

If you're new here, check out this post. It explains our journey so far. Not much else has happened so far, other than my HSG two days ago. Good times to be had! It's CD9, and I'm hoping the big O will hold off until after CD16, so I'll be back home. I'm not holding my breath. My cycle hates me. 

Things are pretty much at a standstill until I get back from my Dr Boy-less trip and can see the RE Dept. So...... Yeah. Thanks for reading, and looking forward to meeting everyone!