Thursday, May 24, 2012


Because I can't do much better than a scattered list of categories today.

- It should not be necessary to TELL someone watching your kid to refrain from putting said kid in the washing machine. Even if he/she has a blowout poop.
- I saw a segment on the news last night about how lots of children are snacking on those new laundry pods coming out, and how it's "easy to forget laundry detergent should be child-proofed". Seriously? Show me someone that easily forgets that. Seriously. (wait, don't. i don't want to meet the person that forgot that AND managed to get knocked up. i don't.)

- Her Royal Fab talked about her second round of IVF in terms of a redux- a second, more positive and kick-ass version of the first time around. I shall do the same.
- I'm trying to get to the happy place in my mind where a second round of IVF, and a fourth transfer, has a fantastic chance at working. Luck of the draw, schmuck of the draw- tell me why it's going to work this time?
- Here's the pretty colored calendar I mentioned last time. My boat is still floated by it.

- You will notice that I have ten days until stims start again. Oy vey.

- When we left for vacation, our dirt looked like this:
Much more dirt-like

- When we got back from vacation, our dirt looked like this:
Less dirt-like, more house like

- Holy crap, we might actually be moving in August. For real.

- Heeyouge bonus points to those of you that recognized the Galapagos in our vacation pics... or did I mention it somewhere? Either way, bonus points.
- I want to be back there now. NOW.
- More pictures!
The ship we sailed on
Another species of boobie (without blue feet)
I feel like this today
He was a nice snorkeling buddy (same day as the penguins)

Friday, May 18, 2012


...from an absolutely amazing, breathtaking, and healing vacation.

The highlights?
Equatorial Dorkiness
Giant Tortoises
(excuse me... there's something on your nose...)
Barrel-Rolling Sea Lions!
(Dr Boy made me smudge his face parts)
The low-lights?
- Coming home
- Being home
- WTF appointments
- Intestinal parasites

Oh yeah. When they say not to even brush your teeth with the water? They mean it.

Seriously though, this vacation definitely ties French Polynesia for first place. It was ridiculously amazing.

Otherwise, I'm not in a super great place right now, having had our WTF appointment and gotten the calendar for IVF Numero Dos. Long story short, we're approaching it the same way- antagonist protocol, similar stimming (starting on June 3rd). I'm having a hard time working out in my head how it's all of a sudden going to work. You know, the whole doing the same thing but expecting different results conundrum? I'm trying though. It very well could have just been bad luck. More on the calendar and stuff later.

Enjoy the pics... I may be dropping a few in here and there for the foreseeable future... I can't stop going through them!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Don't Listen to a Word I Say.... Hey!

Infertility is a bitch. 

Having an amazing community full of people like all of 'yall helps tame that bitch back a little bit with each comment, tweet, and email full of love and empathy. I can't tell you how much all of the above have meant to me (and Dr Boy) this week. It's made the big terrible awful more bearable. 

I know that it could be worse- but for us? Right now? This is the worse. I don't WANT to know worse than this, because it's pretty damn shitty as it is. 

But we will go on. We're on vacation right now- I may or may not have been at 13 kft today... straddled the equator... and tasted my first ceviche. Pretty damn amazing way to put all of this out of your mind, huh?

Our WTF appointment is Monday the 14th, the day after we get back. We'll make our final decision on when and what to do next, though it'll be for sure a fresh cycle of IVF since we have NO embies left. The big question is June or July, but it's looking likely to be June. Because it feels good to keep moving, you know?

After our failed IVF in December, that Florence + the Machine song Shake It Out was big. Every time I heard it, I wept buckets. Uncontrollable. Pretty much as hard as I cried when I thought Mulder died in the train car buried in the New Mexico desert at the end of Season 3 of the X Files. 

At the end of FET #1 (which I just called FET at the time- you know, wishful thinking?), I heard Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men while driving home from work after receiving the results. It seemed especially fitting for the chemical pregnancy, and I would lose my shit whenever I heard it. And it would appear that I still do. This one is the soundtrack to our failed frozen cycles. 

I'll leave you with the lyrics. So much meaning to me in all of them, every verse. It's no wonder it turns me into an emotional wreck. 

I don't like walking around this old and empty house.So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear

The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awakeIt's the house telling you to close your eyes
Some days I can't even dress myself.It's killing me to see you this way.

'Cause though the truth may varythis ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.
Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's an old voice in my head that's holding me backWell tell her that I miss our little talks.
Soon it will all be over, buried with our past

We used to play outside when we were youngand full of life and full of love.
Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I am right.Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear.

'Cause though the truth may varyThis ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!Don't listen to a word I sayHey!The screams all sound the same.Hey!
Though the truth may varythis ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear.All that's left is a ghost of you.

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do,

Just let me go, we'll meet again soon.
Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang aroundI'll see you when I fall asleep.

Hey!Don't listen to a word I sayHey!The screams all sound the same.Hey!

Though the truth may varythis ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Thanks, LyricsMania

Now we're off... no more interwebz for over a week! See ya'll when I return!