Infertility Bitch

My Bestie N made me this. Sums it up perfectly!

She really is a big fatty bitchface.


In other exciting news, so is Aunt Flow. Apparently she is embarrassed by the fact that she only has 4mm to shed, so has been forcing uterine cramping since yesterday like it is going out of style. Hopefully, like I say every time, it indeed WILL be going out of style for the next 9-12 months, give or take. Hopefully.

A few of good laughs

...just to brighten your day.

First off, Mrs Green Grass, from The Baby Making Merry Go Round, translated a Shakespeare piece, explaining how, simply put, Shakespeare Hates Infertiles. Check it out. Hilarious.

Second off, do any of you have cats? I do. Two, in fact. They are adorbs. Sometimes. Like this time:

Ellie on the left, Vesta on the right

Other times, they're just funny. Vesta has always had a yen for weird plastic things. I don't know what the chemical in it is, but she really goes apeshit and rubs and drools and generally goes down on certain plastic-y products around the house. It started with a mini toolkit I got from Target in college. To this day she drools all over it when it's left out. Another time it was a random plastic box, and another she had a fling with my crocks. Last night, I left my Reef sandals out in the bathroom overnight, and woke up to drool puddles in the dent where my heel goes. Dr Boy was able to get a video of her doing it the other night, and it is just hilarious.

Do any of your felines have a crush on inanimate objects in your home? Do they obsessive compulsively mark them? Or is our V just off her rocker?

And finally, just today, someone googled "vaginal farts and progesterone inserts" to get to my blog. I assure you, never have I ever typed those words before. Even today. I copied and pasted. So there.

What are your funniest google search redirects?

I'm blushing...

So remember when I posted this about our first IVF failure? I made it on that your ecards website. It summed up my whole thoughts on the process at the time.

Guess what?

Someone else found it too! Thanks, InfertileNaomi!!! I heart her blog. She may not have given me 999 reasons to laugh at infertility yet, but she's definitely working her way up there! Glad I could contribute :)


Also? Lupron hot flashes are for the birds. The kind of birds that can very kindly STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM ME thankyouverymuch.

It's not all rainbows and unicorn farts (CD10)

The life of an IVF patient is pretty damn glamorous, as you've all realized by now. I mean, we are the center of attention for a hoard of people for damn near two months, we get to take nearly a week off work, we get to use expensive medications... It's awfully fancy-pants.

The not-so-glamorous side, however, includes the shots. The awfully bruising shots because of the baby aspirin you're taking. The Frequent Wandings. The rapidly increasing list of people who've seen your business. (wait, that's celeb-like too. scratch.) The weight gain. The ugly cries.

But you all know about that stuff too. There have been quite a few things that I wasn't prepared for with this IVF business, though. You're about to get a whole heck of a lot more personal with me right now, so step aside if you're not game. These include:

- A mother effing yeast infection. Made possible by the ten-day course of doxycycline I took post-mock-transfer. Common, yes, after coming off of a round of antibiotics, mother effing annoying? Also yes.

- Pee cramps. Every time I pee out some of the daily 100 oz of water I'm trying to drink, my entire abdomen cramps up. I have to stop and start, stop and start, just to allow the rest of my innards to ooze back to where they're supposed to be. Ow.

- The runs. Admittedly, I've been consuming a lot of protein. A lot. And for a girl who just a few months ago added meat back into her diet after 15 years of abstinence, it's been interesting. Lots of belly-gurgling. Which is fun with the pee cramps.o

- The lack-of-runs. I keep going back and forth between not being able to poo and HAVING TO GO NOW. Constipation sucks. Especially at 3am.

-Lafobbing. Otherwise known as sobbing so hard you realize you're ridiculous and start laughing. But you can't stop sobbing either, so you end up with tears and snot streaming down your face and you try not to inhale them during bits of maniacal laughter. This has happened once per day thus far, since about stim day 6.

- Granny panties and Mu mus. You REALLY think you're going to be fitting into your Sevens when you've gained five pounds in as many days, all in your waistline? Think again. Mu mu's are your best friends, and thongs will get more up close and personal with your business than wandy if you attempt to whip them out this time of the month. (unfortunately, this one speaks from experience)

So there you have it. The ugly side of Hollywood IVF. And this is all PRE-retrieval. Super. It's a good thing my boobs are getting (even) bigger, because Dr Boy reads this blog and I'm pretty sure this post is one big ock-block, if yaknowwhatimean.

Anything else you've all experienced that I have to look forward to?
 

What we've been up to, through today. Friday's dosage is TBD pending the am wanding.
Click to zoom.

Short and Sweet (CD4)

I've been hanging out with family since Wednesday which has been AWESOME. I am starting to get spread a bit thin though. My parents, grandma, brother, uncle, uncle's gf and her two kids, and my parents two dogs all came up to visit, some at our house, and some at the hotel. I am so thankful they're all here, but the reason they came up here? I have work. 6am to 2pm. Every. Day. So I'm kindof flippin' tired now. Really. Really. Tired.

Oh? Also? Today was our fourth day of shots. We were out at dinner at 6:30, when it was time, we headed back to the bathroom and did the deed there. How's THAT for a quickie! The menopur burns more than it used to, though we were given 27 gauge needles this time instead of the 31 gauge needles we used during our IUIs. They are DEFINITELY worse, and I highly recommend requesting the 31's. For serious. Also, the follistim is leaving little bruises. Very, very annoying.

Last, we went to see Hugo tonight, in 3-D. The first act was a bit slow, but once it got going, the movie was truly beautiful. Highly recommend, but not for kids. Too slow. But beautiful. That's not the point of mentioning that though. They had previews for some other movies coming out... one of which was the re-released Titanic in 3-D. It brought me right back to senior year of high school, when I saw the movie in the theaters THREE TIMES. And bawled my flippin' eyes out. THREE TIMES. Glutton for punishment, this one is :)  So back to the preview. Just watching it? Bawled my eyes out. Damn stims. I was quite the source of entertainment for my family today!

More Farm Fun!

So things are still going slowly and boring, so I shall regale you with more tales of the barnyard babies that I busied myself with the week before Halloween.

When we went, one of the areas had a pair of pygmy goats that had been born 11 days prior. With their protective, but still very docile, mother. They were ADORABLE. See?

That hand was later marred by the cute bunny.

Lots of adorable-ness to be had. We pet, we prodded, we swooned. Eleven day old goat kids are totally adorbs. And, like most eleven day old creatures, are hungry. So, so, very hungry.

Awwww... look at how cute nature is in the act.

So the goat kids went on their merry way nursing. And then, something happened. Something, primal.

The goat kids? They WENT AT THOSE NIPS LIKE THEY WERE BOBBING FOR APPLES. Hard. Core. I swear to god, the force they pumped their heads into those teats sent my boobs shriveling up inside my body. Holy HELL they were nursing aggressively. I swear to god, that shiz made me think twice about wanting to breastfeed. For serious.

I might be cute, but I might also rip this shiz off to get a better flow. Don't think I won't. 'Cause I will.

I seriously don't think you understand how AT IT these kids were going. I still shudder to think about it.

Oh yeah. I totally scarred you. Scarred your eyes, and scarred my mom's nips.  Mmmm hmmm.

Oh, and if you think it wasn't on purpose? Think again.

Goat milk. Does a body good.

I may never look at a baby goat the same way again.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

I went to a petting zoo with some friends last week... and of course, hilarity ensued. Hilarity which will probably end up getting me killed in some sort of Animal Farm type rebellion. 

But at least it was fun, right?

You KNOW that bunny is cute.

Oh my goodness, the bunny just told me to "put 'er down or I'd be sorry!"

See? It's ready to make me sorry.

This bunny right here? All bark and no bite.

I shall shame him by deflating his ears now.

While there were other cute baby animals (like the 11 day old pygmy goat babies who nurse with a voracity that scared the crapballs out of my boobs), the bunnies made me the happiest :)

#1 on the Essential Infertile's Google Reader List

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility

And specifically, the post I linked to. So. True.

Every last step.

OK, except the lack of tampons because I like to coupon shop and have two years worth of tampons underneath my sink.

But all of the rest of them!

Please read and enjoy :)