Goodbye, NaBloPoMo (CD9)

Today is my final *required* daily post for NaBloPoMo. Am I glad I did it? I think so. This has been one absolutely crazy month, and I know I wouldn't have been able to remember nearly as much as I would have wanted to without Big Brother making sure I did. 

Will I continue to post every day? Ah hells no. More than I did before, for sure, but definitely not every day. I mean, there were a few days in there that I posted absolute crap just to post, and that's not fair to all of you. I'm not in the time-wasting business, just remembering. And talking about myself. And getting ya'lls advice. A lot.

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PDLAMBLATI*... Thanks, W&W!

Enough about that. You're probably wondering how my u/s went this morning, huh?

Good! First off, LOVE the nurse that drew my blood this morning. I have awfully difficult veins, and she got me on the first stick, completely blind. Love it. 

Second off, my e2 has started to level off, which is fantastic. It rose to 3673 today, up from 2864 two days ago. Dr S wanted it to stay at or below 4K today, so good times! I'm all up for decreasing my chances for OHSS, and have been really good the last two days about getting my required 100g protein. I even drank 100 ounces of water today. Holy hell. Must be making a difference. Maybe.

My lining was still at 8.1mm. Boo. Not bad, just not better.

As far as follies go, 'ol righty continues to be the breadwinner in the family, though lefty is still making a significant contribution. Righty has 16 large follicles, the largest of which are 14.1mm, 14.1mm, 14mm, and 13.9mm. Lefty has a respectable 12 large ones, 14.0mm, 13.1mm, 13.1mm, and 12.9mm. Basically, everything has grown between 2-4mm since Monday, about 1-2mm per day. 

Follicles? These are my readers.
Readers? These are my follicles.
Make nice.

We've done some creating dosing decisions for the next couple of days. I held at 75 units follistim this am and 1 vial menopur in the pm. Thursday, we're lowering to 50 units follistim, and skipping the pm menopur (yayzies!). Friday, I'm bringing the am follistim to the appt and Dr S will decide where to go. Looks like we'll either be triggering Friday or Saturday, for a Sunday or Monday retrieval. Crazy, considering the Monday retrieval is what they quoted in my calendar. Who would have guessed that it would actually have gone according to plan???

I'm off to go get some sleep... and maybe another glass of water :) Night!

*PDLAMBLATI- Please don't look at my business look at these instead.

Caviar Taste. (CD8)

This has absolutely nothing to do with my post.
Though I think she's saying "I'm glad you don't eat Le Beef"

So a couple of weeks ago, Emily commented on one of my pre-IVF posts "Have you told your ov's your plan yet? They are going to be SO PISSED when they find out what you are gunna make them do!"

Holy hell that girl was right. The cramping started Sunday night. The bloat started in earnest yesterday. I'm up 3.8 pounds. I can feel some swelling in my hands and face, kindof like when you eat a meal that has way too much salt or MSG in it. To combat all of that I'm supposed to try and eat around 100 grams of protein per day, and drown myself in water and electrolytes.

My oves have realized that I'm finally making them get up off their lazy asses and WORK DAMNIT. Their response? "Fine. You want follies? We'll GIVE you follies." I got my results from the e2 bloodwork yesterday.

2864. Wowzers. Help me, Rhonda. Come on, Eileen.

My oves have caviar taste, what can I say. When all we were spending was random $5 copays for IUIs, they laughed. "Really? That's like giving a girl a garage sale purse instead of heading to Coach. We're not putting out for that." Now that we've written the big check for IVF? They're giving up the goods. They wanted to make sure we BOUGHT the damn cow instead of getting the milk for free.

More news tomorrow when we have our u/s. I'm to hold my dose tonight at 1 unit menopur, take my ganirelix in the morning before the appt, but bring the follistim so they can decide how much to give me.

Dare I say it... I actually have hope.

Where I learn I can grow follicles (CD7)

Today's PDLAMBLATI (thanks, Waiting and Wishing!)

 And lots of them, at that.

There aren't many times a PCOS-er is thankful for the hundreds of piece of ess cysts she's got on her oves. During the stim phase of IVF? That's one of them.

Turns out I've got about 14 "good sized" follicles growing on 'ol righty. My RE categorizes "good sized" as 8 or above. The biggest four were 12.3mm, 11.6mm, 11.4mm, and 10.9mm. Lefty is slacking, but only to the tune of 10 "good sized" follies, the biggest of which were 11.6mm, 11.1mm, 10.8mm, and ~9mm. I'm happy. Very, very happy.

Recap: around 7 follies over 10mm on the morning of stim day 6. At least 15 more above 8mm. Score!!! Waiting to hear back about what godawful heights my e2 has climbed to. The plan is to hold our doses at 75 follistim and 1 vial menopur, and start adding in the Ganirelix as soon as I get home this afternoon (moving it to the am tomorrow).

Estimated trigger? Friday or Saturday, which means estimated retrieval? Sunday or Monday.

HFS.

Also, I made a completely anal-retentive spreadsheet to keep things straight. Enjoy!

It could have been worse- I refrained from color-coding.

Holy Estradiol, Batman! (CD5)

Soooo.... I got my e2 results back. To recap:

11/22 Tuesday: e2 of 55, suppressed ovaries with 25+ follicles on each
11/23 Wednesday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/24 Thursday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/25 Friday: 150 units Follistim am, 2 vials Menopur pm
11/26 Saturday:  150 units Follistim am

The e2 today? 892. Holy effing ess. Holy. Effing. Ess.

It's funny, as soon as they called, I was all "Wow... I sure feel a lot of pressure near the oves." I'm terrified that I'm stimming too fast and I'm going to get all immature eggs. Terrified. Or, I'm going to end up hyperstimmed.

Needless to say, Dr S decided to cut my doses in half. We started tonight, and cut the pm Menopur down to 1 vial. Tomorrow morning with be 75 units of Follistim. I go in Monday morning for another blood draw and my first U/S.

Also, I went on what I think will be my last run until I feel safe while pregnant tonight. My dad, brother, and Dr Boy all went through the greenbelt in town, and it felt awesome. I'm really glad I got that in before things get going *too* much, and I'm glad my family got to enjoy that part of the town we live in too.

But the rest of it?

HFS.

Short and Sweet (CD4)

I've been hanging out with family since Wednesday which has been AWESOME. I am starting to get spread a bit thin though. My parents, grandma, brother, uncle, uncle's gf and her two kids, and my parents two dogs all came up to visit, some at our house, and some at the hotel. I am so thankful they're all here, but the reason they came up here? I have work. 6am to 2pm. Every. Day. So I'm kindof flippin' tired now. Really. Really. Tired.

Oh? Also? Today was our fourth day of shots. We were out at dinner at 6:30, when it was time, we headed back to the bathroom and did the deed there. How's THAT for a quickie! The menopur burns more than it used to, though we were given 27 gauge needles this time instead of the 31 gauge needles we used during our IUIs. They are DEFINITELY worse, and I highly recommend requesting the 31's. For serious. Also, the follistim is leaving little bruises. Very, very annoying.

Last, we went to see Hugo tonight, in 3-D. The first act was a bit slow, but once it got going, the movie was truly beautiful. Highly recommend, but not for kids. Too slow. But beautiful. That's not the point of mentioning that though. They had previews for some other movies coming out... one of which was the re-released Titanic in 3-D. It brought me right back to senior year of high school, when I saw the movie in the theaters THREE TIMES. And bawled my flippin' eyes out. THREE TIMES. Glutton for punishment, this one is :)  So back to the preview. Just watching it? Bawled my eyes out. Damn stims. I was quite the source of entertainment for my family today!

Take THAT, ute! (CD2)

The taunting worked :) I arrived home yesterday after work and errands... and voila! Just barely, too, as the props used in the taunting were unscathed. One point JM, Zero points Ute.

See kids? Scare tactics work. And school yard bullying.


We did our first injection this morning, and our second this evening. The schedule for now is for 150 units Follistim in the mornings, and 2 vials of Menopur in the evenings. Dr Boy has been awesome and woke up at 5:30am today so he could inject me before I left for work. He rocks the IVF-spouse job. The follistim bruised. Not a fan. It didn't burn or hurt, just left a surprising bruise. The menopur hurt like a mother effer this time! Which shocked me, because I didn't find it that bad last time. I think we shot it too close to the follistim bruise. We'll fix that one tomorrow, for sure.

The plan is to do bloodwork on Saturday and evaluate things. (Did I mention my e2 from Tuesday came back at 55? Nice and suppressed. Though not as low as it could have been. Oh well.) I'll have my next ultrasound on Monday, which will be the 6th day of stims. Good times!

Also, I ended the sugar fast today, since I started stims. My breaker of choice? A pumpkin spice cookie with cinnamon frosting. It. Was. Amazing. I made it a very proud 25 days.... woohoo! It'll definitely make me think twice about the sugar I put into my body from here on out. At least for, say, the next five minutes or so.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

On the third day of crazy, my neurosis gave to me...

An estradiol that tripled after additional injections three.

So that sentence didn't really make grammatical sense, but it rhymed and that's what counts. Some time in the last two days of crazy, I'd noticed some twinges in the mid-section. Almost like you get in the days leading up to AF. I *thought* I remembered those from last cycle, but I was fairly certain that I was making that up because my ovaries were lazy sacks of laziness. Certainly not happy, chipper, and functional like this girl:

Is she not the cutest thing you've ever seen? 

Image courtesy iheartguts.com

Apparently I was wrong. (or is it right?) I had a blood draw this morning to see what the extra three days of stims, which were increased in dosage to three vials of menopur apiece. We were hoping for anything above 150. After a four and a half hour wait that felt like FOREVAH because I'm impatient, results were in.


226.


As in, there is most definitely something growing all up in there. Something fun and pre-baby-like. So pardon the crazy that has spewed forth onto the blog in the last few days... I promise, it was from the estrogen flooding my system. I cannot be held accountable for my actions. I really hope none of you took offense to my IVF and FET fears- I swear I don't think that any FET babies are really second-class citizens. It was the crazy talking. And I really don't have anything against them AT ALL, I don't judge the decision to go forward with any of it. I just hadn't gotten there mentally yet.


I have now. If this cycle were to have been cancelled due poor response, Dr Boy and I decided to say eff it and go to IVF next cycle. Which we won't have to do now, but we had at least made peace with the decision. In the amazing talk we had together, he finally said that he's tired of the waiting too. Not just doing this to placate the crazy woman that has taken over his wife's body, but actually because he wants things to move faster too. That he's tired of being childless too. It was such a relief to hear that. I've always known he supports me in this, but now I truly know he wants it all just as badly as I do. NOW.


I'm just waiting to hear from the RE about when to come in for an u/s to take a look at what's brewing, and when we'll trigger. I am so happy now. A reason for the crazy. A positive response to the stims. The possibility of getting pregnant.


I think I'm already glowing.


(PS- If you're a follower, could you do me the honor of being an official "follower" on google connect? I want to do a giveaway when I hit 50.... woohoo!!!)

More Vomit.

I forgot to mention that TVT is brought to you courtesy of Natalie. She's hilarious.

And this kid?

This is Mac. He's Oat's. She's pretty damn funny too. And she makes me feel better about my love of alcohol.

And on to business.

- Had my CD12 u/s yesterday after 9 days of menopur shots. Drumroll please... NO follies over 8mm. Amazing... just like LAST TIME! Oh, and my estradiol is only 72. I'm still fine, mentally (at least about this cycle), since it's so much like last time. Sure, I've got 3 extra vials of menopur floating around in my belly from upping the first 3 days dose, but otherwise? Same shiz different month. Next appt is on Monday.

- Phlebotomist had to draw blood out of the back of my hand. Not conducive to getting a hand massage from Dr Boy. He was gentle though :) Dr Boy, not the phlebo-guy.

- Two pregnancy announcements yesterday. One from a co-worker, and one BAM! facebook ultrasound pic of the kid waving. This is #2 for work guy. We talked about our IF a little after he asked when *I* was going to be making a preggo announcement. At first, I thought "Oh gee, glad people think the IF weight makes me look pregnant". Then I just realized it's because I swoon over the pics of his daughter all the time. He and his wife had three 1st tri miscarriages before their 1st, and are just grateful that things are moving along smoothly so far with TTC #2. The facebook one was a friend from college, who I was actually surprised hadn't gotten knocked up sooner. That one hurt way more than the colleague. I had just gotten home from my dr appt and was telling Dr Boy about the results as I mindlessly floated through facebook. And got this: 

And started crying. It was good times.

- My pregnancy announcement mantra has become "Happy for them, sad for me." I say it a lot.

- At least the weekend won't suck because I have a wine club event tonight in Napa, a fabulous infertility shower thrown by The Womb Warrior tomorrow, and a fancy pants dinner where they talk about cooking your meal and do everything in front of you. So I will be too busy to stalk all the congrats comments on the FB post, yeah?

- I am over the menopur. I know I said it yesterday, but I am so over shots. 

- I got accepted to the BlogHer ad network. Click away!!!

Have a great weekend, 'yall!

Thought Vomit ThursFriday

Thurs-Friday is kindof like brunch or linner, a little bit of both worlds :)

- Had an awful time getting to my u/s appt Tuesday. Between the impossible task of finding a parking spot, not knowing which building the dr was located in (different location than usual), ending up floating around the maternity wards (yes, that really happened), and nearly having a breakdown when I checked in 15 minutes late, I finally made it. Hardly still sane, but made it.

- The u/s showed no follie activity yet. Nothing over 7mm, after 6 days of shots. Whatevs. There weren't any last time around, it just rules out this cycle moving along any faster than last time, really. On one hand, it should still be fine because we did end up with a good, ovulating, follie last time. On the other, it didn't end up making me a baby. So I'm still a bit jaded and disconnected from this cycle a bit more, mentally at least.

- Shots 8 and 9 hurt like a bitch. And bruised. I am so over this. But I can't complain about them too much bc Dr Boy feels like I'm bitching about HIM and the way HE injects me. Which I'm not, I'm just bitching about it in general. Sigh.

- I'm pissed that this cycle isn't moving faster bc it means we won't be able to fit in a third before we leave for Boston and VT in mid-Oct. Because yes, I'm already thinking about next time. I told you I was feeling disconnected about this cycle. Maybe a quick month off would be good though, I don't know. Give my body a chance to relax a little (I hear relaxing gets you pregnant) and lose the 8 lbs I've gained in the last 6 weeks. What the hell am I saying, I'm going to be pissed if this time doesn't work and we have to waste more time. Pissed.

- I'm attempting to cut out processed sugar, at least for a little bit. I was less than 1 lb shy of 190 when I stepped on the scale yesterday, and that is UNACCEPTABLE. Ohhhhhhhhh no. Mmmm mmmmm. I'm taking the AA "one day at a time" approach. I can refrain from peanut m&m's and Grandmother's peanut butter cookies from the snack shack TODAY. I can say no to the skinny cow ice cream sandwich TODAY. I can give away the chocolate brownies left over from our BBQ TODAY. What did Dr Boy say last night? "We need more good dessert options up in this house." Ha. Get used to it.

- I'm fairly certain the low-sugar deal will only last up until my next BFN. Here's hoping, though.

- I am planting beets and lettuce in my fall garden. About to give up on my peppers and zucchini. It's been a bad year for peppers in my 'hood, and I can't seem to get the zucc's any bigger than 4" before they start to turn yellow. Very odd. I thought they grew like weeds!!! Tomatoes are still going strong though. Yum-tastic.

- My self-esteem lately has been ROCK BOTTOM. This one deserves its own post though. Just thought I'd throw it out there.

I have another u/s this afternoon. Hopefully we'll see something more interesting, since it IS CD12 and all.

That is all.

Round Two

JM and Dr Boy in one ring...


The Ovaries in the other...


Who will emerge victorious???? Only time will tell....

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I've felt particularly disconnected this week. It was like throwing on the e-brake Monday morning when AF showed up. We had a fantastic weekend, full of in-laws, baseball, and BBQing for friends. The party we thew went wonderfully, the in-laws were tame, and I got stuff DONE. In a clean house. No, I didn't get to drink the sangria Sunday night, but I was contently in the TWW. Pretending I was gestating.

We went to Dr Boy's bro's baseball game Monday morning, and BOOM. The cramps I had been experiencing on and off all weekend intensified, I hit the restroom, and it was over. AF showed at 12DPO, on CD28. How funny! My first "perfect" cycle off BC. Wonderful.

Lots of wine was drunk Monday night.

On Tuesday afternoon, my wonderful friend N set up a coffee date for us and another friend- and her 4 month old baby. I was a wee bit nervous about "putting on my smile", but the truth is, it was the best thing I could have done that day. After the baby started releasing too many bodily fluids for N's taste, I held her. And bounced her, and lulled her to sleep :) This baby? Amazeballs. And there was no need to fake the contently happy feeling I had with her in my arms.

Did I mention her head smelled amazing? I also very nearly took a bite out of her arm. For safe keeping.

So that was my cheap therapy session. That combined with the second bottle of wine consumed in as many days. Yum.

 I went in for my baseline u/s on Wednesday, which showed my empty uterus and almost-back-to-normal ovaries. There was one residual cyst on righty measuring around 9mm, but Dr K wasn't concerned. Probably just still shrinking from last time around.

The plan (can you believe we're already at a plan again? so quick. no time to mourn IUI #1) is to stick with the menopur, just a tad more aggressively. 3 vials on CD3, 4, and 5. 2 vials for the remainder so my "loaded guns" don't go crazy. (I love thinking of my PCOS-ey ovaries as loaded guns. Actually I don't. It scares me.) Get some bloodwork drawn Saturday, then another u/s on CD9 (tuesday). Dr K would like to see some 10 or 11's at that point, so we move a few days faster than last time (triggering on CD15). We'll see!

So there you have it. Therapy, a plan, and two shots down. In case you were wondering, 3 vials of menopur burns way more than 2 vials. Either that or I've just turned massively wussy in the last two and a half weeks.


Which is entirely possible.

Fort Knox

Apparently it's like Fort Knox up in my lady business. The ovaries? They be unstimmed. 

The RE that saw me (not my usual Dr K) didn't see anything measurable on righty (less than 9mm he said), and only one on lefty around 8-9mm. He didn't bother to measure that one either. The plan is to continue 2 vials of menopur each night and come back in on Monday. He seemed pretty certain that we'd end up canceling altogether on Monday.

Big sad face. I asked if we could go up to 3 vials and see if that gets us anywhere, and he said "No, 'cause then we'd just end up with 10 follies." While I don't want to mistrust his medical opinion, since that's what he does for a living and all, I just wonder if upping the dose would make things go crazy in lady town. If two vials isn't doing ANYTHING, why would that make it go CRAZY? His bedside manner wasn't fantastic, and he said that if I wanted an appt long enough to discuss these kind of things I should schedule another one. Then left. It's 3:30pm on a Friday at this point, HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER APPT before the weekend and it's a moot point?

I considered going rogue, but I don't have enough meds to do it. 

I made my appt for Mon am (a long one), then left the appointment in hysterics. Because I'm a drama queen that can't handle stress, apparently. Seriously though, if I can't handle this, how in the hell am I going to handle something TRULY tragic that happens in our lives?

Dr Boy and I discussed it, and really would at least like to try upping the dosage. If we don't see anything promising on Monday, I'm going to advocate for trying an increased dose for two or three days. If we DO end up with over-populated follie-town, we'll just avoid conception this time around so we don't birth a new minor league baseball team all on our own. If this cycle is destined to be a big fat bust-o-rama, we'd at least like to use it as a science experiment to see if we can get the follies to respond to menopur at ALL. 

We don't want twenty babies. We just want to know if this will EVER work. If we'll EVER get to do a damn IUI or just keep cancelling them.

I'm still pretty much an emotional wreck over it, but I'm feeling better about our plan. Provided we can talk our doc into it. Wish us luck.

Now only 48 more hours of waiting.

I had a dream...

All day yesterday and last night I was having a lot of anxiety about the ultrasound this afternoon. First off, I was dumb, dumb, dumb to schedule the thing for the afternoon. I mean really, how in the hell am I going to get anything done at work for the next six hours? (Clearly it's not going well so far or I wouldn't be blogging) That aside, I am terrified that my follies will continue to be lame. I am terrified that the giant stomach and weird cramping is a bad sign, not a good one. I don't want to be stimming for the better part of an entire month. I just don't have that in me. I'm only on 2 vials of menopur, for goddsakes, how in the hell will I deal with IVF if we have to go there???

Though I did let quite a bit of stress out in a good ugly cry before dinner, I still had a ton of it floating around in my brain when I went to sleep. And dreamed about my ultrasound.

Dr Boy was there with me (which he won't be able to do today), and as soon as they wanded me, the doctor got all serious. The Dr said that my follie production had gone off the charts, and that our only option at this point was to trigger and do IVF, or call it off and probably lose my ovaries.

SAY WHAT?????????????????

The dream skips, and the next thing I know, I'm being wheeled into an egg retrieval for our impromptu IVF.

That I didn't want, but was apparently our only chance at having a bio-kid ever.


Then I woke up.

This whole thing is such a mind-fuck. Good thing I have SIX HOURS to obsess about it now.

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Last night's injection hurt. No bruise or anything, just lots of soreness around the area. It's mostly gone now.

Also, I was wondering yesterday... does the transvag u/s see to the other side of your ovaries? I mean, if they don't see any good follies on the u/s, is it possible that there is a fantastic one on the other side? And what about lefty? Lefty seems to always be hiding behind my ute or bowel (which I've been told is a frequent problem), so how do they get good, accurate measurements? How do they know there isn't a hiding fantastic follie, that the dominant one we're trying so hard for isn't just being a stubborn camera-shy p-o-s?

These are the things I think about nowadays.

8 shots down, how many to go?

Had my latest ultrasound on Tuesday to check out what's going down in follie-town. Despite the weight gain and bloating, not much! At least as of then. They didn't do a blood draw, deeming it unnecessary considering the fact that I only had a few follies on each side, none of which were any greater than 8mm. The ovaries looked awfully similar to how they did last time, when they were just your typical PCOS p-o-s's. You could see *some* increase in follie size, but meh. Not what I was hoping for after 6 days of shots. We're sticking with the 2 vials per injection for now to decrease the risk of over-stimming. If ONLY that were my problem.

The NP that scanned me was really upbeat about it though, saying that it's not uncommon for them to POP (I hate that term when it comes to colors and design, but I love it for my follies) after a week or so. Plus, the lovely Amaprincess over at this blog had a very successful pregnancy after her late-blooming follies for her first injectables and IUI cycle. So I know it *can* happen. Phew!

The thing that I didn't like was how she was all "Don't worry if it doesn't happen, you have a fast-track to IVF" because of Dr Boy. She also pulled the "it's not a waste because we're teaching your ovaries what to do! And they'll do it better next time!" I think that going there on day SIX is awfully premature. I don't WANT to do IVF. I don't WANT to do a second round of injectables. I WANT to get pregnant NOW. I had a good breakdown Tues night, but have since picked myself back up.

At least until my next u/s tomorrow.

Also, I gave myself the injection ALL BY MY LONESOME Monday night b/c Dr Boy had a softball game. It surprised me how much resistance there was when pushing the fluid in, but honestly, it was a piece of cake. So all in all, easy peasy. My awesome fearless friend N offered to give it to me (to get back at me for all the bitchy things I've said in the past, no doubt), but Dr Boy insisted that I don't "wuss out and take the easy way." Blah. But it went fine so he's off the hook for that one.

The bloat is pretty insane right now. I'm still sitting at just over 4 lbs of gain, but I think it stole weight from other parts of my body and redistributed it ALL IN MAH BELLEH. It's too-big-to-suck-in HUGE. I'm wearing a dress today for the comfort factor, as I wore pants that nearly busted open of their own accord yesterday. I walked down to Subway to grab lunch today, and noticed that in my reflection in a passing storefront I seriously look knocked up in this. Like, 5 months or so, right before the belly gets round. The "is she fat or pregnant" phase of pregnancy.

If only. Though I have to say, I like the way I look with a pregnant belly. Not enough to keep it without the baby inside though.

I'll let 'ya all know how it goes tomorrow... hopefully I'll be triggering soon like Lauren! Wish her some luck!

The Land of Pincushions and Spare Tires

Everything's going well down in Pincushion-Land*! I know I shouldn't complain- one injection a day is NOTHING in the grand scheme of IF. It really isn't that terrible though. The second night we used a little less fluid, more like 0.7cc's to mix the two vials of menopur with** and it was much better in terms of volume. It stung a LOT more though. The third night we went back up to 0.8-0.9ish cc's****, and that seemed like a good amount. I also decided I like taking the shot laying down with my eyes closed, on a count of three. I pinch my spare tire pretty darned hard, and Dr Boy does the shot. I let go, he withdraws the needle, and I massage the area for a minute or so, then we're all good.

I also got the results back from my FSH and estradiol tests from CD3 (shot day 1). My FSH was 6.6 mIU/mL, and my estradiol was 51 pg/mL. From what I found here, both are within normal limits for that time of the month, meaning (in theory), my ovarian reserve and egg quality are just fine. Peachy keen! Dr K said he hadn't bothered to order those before because, based on my ultrasounds, my ovaries looked "nice and healthy" to him. Minus the mass quantities of cysts, that is ;)

I had bloodwork drawn yesterday to see how my estradiol levels were rising, and the results weren't great. They only climbed to 67 pg/mL, and Dr K was looking for something closer to 150 pg/mL or so. He's keeping me on the 2 vials per injection until we take a look at things on an ultrasound Tuesday. Based on that, my plan so far looks like:

CD3- 2 vials menopur + blood draw for FSH and estradiol (=6.6 and =51, respectively)
CD4- 2 vials menopur
CD5- 2 vials menopur
CD6 (Sat)- 1 vial menopur + blood draw for estradiol (=67)
CD7- 2 vials menopur
CD8- 2 vials menopur
CD9 (Tues)- go in for an ultrasound and see how things need to be adjusted

Dr K will be out for a week for sugery so I'll be monitored by an NP in the group, but he seems confident that in their decision-making. I'm nervous, but I can't imagine that it'll be that big of a deal, especially considering how slowly my body is taking to the darned drugs anyways. I have faith that he'll be back to make a trigger decision himself and perform the IUI. When he called today, he did reassure me that even if things don't go well this cycle, it could just be priming my body for a second round. And that we'll have more information going into another cycle. I'm trying to ignore that, as I don't ALREADY want to take on a defeatist attitude one week into things. Sure, a second IUI wouldn't be the worst thing in the world by far, but it'd sure be neato if we could get this round to work, mkay?

Also!!! My body is responding in SOME way to the drugs- I've gained freakin' 3.8 pounds. I HAD been up almost 5 pounds in three days, but that came back down some today. I definitely feel some swelling in my fingers, and my belt is one hole larger. This. Blows. Chunks. Good cause? Yes. Good feeling? No.

Ugh. Happy Sunday, ya'll!!

* I was the costume mistress for my high school's musicals for two years. I have lots of experience with pincushions. And measuring inseams. <dirty grin>

** Someone asked if we're doing separate injections per vial, and the answer is no. We suck up the saline from the saline vial, mix it into the first vial of powder, suck it back up, shoot and mix it into the second vial of powder, suck it back up, and inject (one vial saline + two vials menopur per injection). There's no WAY I'd willingly do two shots when there's a chance of only one.

**** My RE said that 1cc of saline will dissolve at least 4 vials of powder. Based on that, I'm totally fine using 0.8cc's or so with the 2 vials we're on right now. It stings a little more b/c it's more concentrated, but for me, the sting isn't as bad as the feeling of a ton of fluid in mah belleh.

It's ON

Like Donkey Kong.

After a bit of a mishap on Monday, this injectables cycle is in full swing. On Monday, afternoon, the third day after my last provera pill, I started to feel boaty and crampy, and called the RE office to schedule my CD1 ultrasound. I was fairly certain CD1 would begin that day, and the doc had said to call "around" cd1, so I thought it was fine. The scheduling nurse that called back was a little snarky and said she couldn't get me an appt until I started bleeding. OK fine, I'll call back in an hour. But first, she asked if I knew how much clomid we were going with this time. I told her it was for an injectables cycle, and she asked me if I had taken the class.

Say what? Class? Dr K hadn't mentioned anything about a class when we saw him a few weeks ago. He told us to watch a video online. And that when I came in for the u/s we'd get all the instruction we needed for the shots. Scheduling nurse said that without having gone to the class, the cycle was a no-go. But we were more than welcome to do clomid again. I informed her that no, clomid is about as effective (for me) as relaxing, and that we would NOT be doing that again. She said that we'd probably have to skip this cycle then.

SAY WHAT??? I am SORRY, but don't tell an infertile that they might have to SKIP a CYCLE because of a stinking seminar on how to shoot a needle into your belly. I'm married to a freakin' DOCTOR. I have a strong feeling that he KNOWS HOW TO ADMINISTER AN INJECTION. And really, mixing the menopur was explained VERY clearly on the video from the drug manufacturer.

I got off the phone with her and shot off a quick email to Dr K. I also had a good loud ugly cry in the hallway at work, then a quiet ugly cry in my cubicle. About an hour later, AF showed up, so I called the scheduling nurse back. She was much less douchey, and made an appt for my u/s on CD3 and an appt with her for my "injecting class". Which was a joke. The only thing I learned that was different from the video was... ummm... wait, I didn't learn anything different. Oh well. She actually isn't that douchey in person, I think she just didn't realize that I was married to someone quite well versed in the art of injections. (Which turns out is the reason Dr K didn't make us do the class. Phew.)

I had my u/s yesterday, which (surprise) showed my usual 15+ cysts on each ovary, and a 6.5mm lining. I have no idea what that matters at this point in the cycle, but they wrote it down so I did too :) I also requested the CD3 FSH/Estradiol tests, and had the blood drawn as soon as everything else was done.

The protocol is fairly low maintenance so far:
CD3- 2 vials menopur
CD4- 2 vials menopur
CD5- 2 vials menopur
CD6 (Sat)- 1 vial menopur + blood draw for estradiol
CD7- 1 vial menopur (unless Dr K calls and decides otherwise based on estradiol results)
CD8- 1 vial menopur
CD9 (Tues)- go in for an ultrasound and see how things need to be adjusted

Pretty easy! We did first shot last night. It is my bitch. Dr Boy mixed everything while I watched like a hawk. When it came down to the actual shooting, I couldn't decide if I wanted to watch or not. Ended up not watching while he actually stuck me, but I did watch the shooting itself. It burned a very little bit, but did feel quite uncomfortable. 1cc is a lot more fluid than I thought. We might try using a little less tonight. Very little pain after, just a weird pocket where you could tell the fluid was. I couldn't stop poking it. No bruise today, no bleeding last night.

Injectables rock star. Though doing it myself? That will be a whole 'nuther story.

A List.

Because I've been ill since Saturday, and every time I cough I feel like I have "Shaken-JM-Syndrome", this is the best I can come up with right now. Miss you guys. I'll be back to commenting when I can keep my eyes open for prolonged periods of time.

1. I said eff you to my crampy uterus and started the provera last Wednesday. One more down tomorrow. If it's anything like last cycle, that should give me AF on Sunday, and starting the menopur mid-week.

2. I've had the sore throat from hell combined with 3-pack-a-day smoker's cough since Saturday. Two dr's appt later and all I have to show for it is three less sick days in the bank, some Mucinex D, and Robitussin with codeine... Oh wait... that's not so bad...

3. Spent four of those sick days in LA visiting my family. Had to cancel plans with friends. Spent most of the time in bed. My mom got to take care of me and make me soup. Funny quote "I love that you're sick because it means you need me again". Oh momma-sita, I will always need you! Now can I do it without coughing up bloody phlegm?

4. I am irrationally terrified that the summer flu from hell will prevent me from going forward with this cycle. Please tell me I am an irrational worry-wort.

5. I got back to Nrn CA yesterday to a well-cared-for garden (thanks, Dr Boy!) and loads of ripening tomatoes. Finally!

6. I've lost two pounds in a week. The flu is good for something.

ETA: Do you guys think I should ask for a day 3 FSH and estradoil test? Is never ovulating on my own and not responding to the clomid once (but probably all three times) enough of a concern to have this done?

Facelift!

And just in time for ICLW, too!

Thanks to the fabulous Aly at Bridge Work Blog Design, Meier Madness has a whole new look! I am quite the fan... are you? Aly manages to do a great job at inexpensive blog design, all while figuring the in's and out's of her second high-risk pregnancy (which she talks about over at The Infertility Overachievers). She caught me right in the middle of the Clomid Crazies, and put up with me without a single complaint... more than I can say for Dr Boy :) Seriously though, she's awesome, and won't stop until you LOVE your design. Check her out! And grab my button! I heart it.

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As for MY infertility overachieving, my body continues to toy with me. I've been having some interesting pre-AF-like cramping since Saturday, and let's just say that since yesterday, I could make my own omelet (TMI? Sorry 'bout that!). I've been putting off starting the provera since I thought maybe I'd cycle on my own, but the addition of the EWCM makes me think my body just tried to o whatever pitiful follies it decided to produce. Oh well. Provera will commence Thursday morning, just in case. After another "glutton for punishment" morning pregnancy test. Good think I bought a bajillion of them for cheap. Based on last time, that should put CD1 on Sunday the 7th, with a good window on either end to go in for my baseline ultrasound and to get my protocol. Which would loosely end my TWW somewhere around Sept 4th-ish. Not that I'm an obsessive compulsive planner or anything...

Thanks for all the menopur advice, too! I'm pretty sure that's what I'll be on. Plus the hCG trigger. And an insemination. Oh boy oh boy!

"I hope you're not afraid of needles"

I'm not, thank goodness. Because that's what we're going to need for this next cycle.

Dr Boy and I went to the RE meeting on Friday. We were meeting the new doctor (same dept, just a real dr instead of nurse practitioner) to discuss where to go since I didn't respond to the clomid. At all. He did another wanding just to confirm that CD26 didn't bring me any closer to a dominant follicle or anything that even remotely resembled ovarian response. Surprise! It didn't! Oh wait.... that wasn't a surprise....

Side Note: Has anyone else had their husband in the room for a wanding? It's a bit awkward. The dr had to have me scoot down further about three times, and spread my legs "WIDER! WIDER! I know you're no stranger to this! WIDER!" Awk. Ward.

We went over the fact that MAYBE moving up to 150mg clomid would help, but probably not. We went over the possibility of femara, but this clinic doesn't endorse it based on ongoing studies that it may or may not have a link to limb defects. Uhhhhhh NO. So we decided to go strait to Menopur with an hCG trigger and IUI. Eeeek!!! I'm to start provera today or tomorrow (probably tomorrow since I forgot to take a preg test with my f.m.u.), and head in to receive my set of meds on the 1st day of my cycle.

It all feels real now.... Anyone have any experience with menopur? Any helpful hints that you can share? Thanks!