Second Time Around

I'm just going to skip over the last two years and let you know I had a pretty easy pregnancy after the pleurisy from OHSS went away, and went on to have a very healthy baby boy who is wonderful. He's 15 months old now, and truly, truly is wonderful. We managed to breastfeed for a year, weaning to start the process of trying to make a little brother or sister. My period never came back, thanks PCOS, so off to the RE we went again. Six frosties remained from the retrieval that gave us the mini Meier.

I mostly want to get all this down so I can remember the details of our cycles. TTC again is such a mind fuck. It's slightly easier the second time around, but really, all the same emotions and fears and insecurities are still there. And just as strong. Anyone that says "Well, but at least you have the mini!" doesn't know how that almost makes it worse. We know how amazing this little person is, and how much love and light he brings into our life. We KNOW what we're missing now and what the hole in our lives looks like. It doesn't make us any less grateful and amazed and thankful for him, but damn, I want another. For us, for him. Sigh.

Here's what our calendar looked like this time around.

FET #3 Calendar

I also added in supplements up the wazoo this round to maximize my body's receptiveness.

Morning:   Synthroid
                  Estrace up the vag
Afternoon: Metformin 500mg
                  Vitamin D 1000 iu
                  Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc
                  Folic acid 400mg
                  Estrace up the hatch
Evening:   Metformin 500mg
                  Fish Oil
                  Prenatal Vitamin
                  Aspirin 81mg
                  Estrace up the hatch
                  Progesterone in Oil
                  2x weekly Estradiol Valerate injections

We transferred two hatching embryos on Thursday the 24th as planned, and did the pre- and post-transfer acupuncture. Very relaxing. Very positive. Felt wonderfully positive sharp cramping that night and the next day. These were day 6 embryos, so it netted me a first beta at 7dp6dt, though honestly I have this whole time considered them as if they were day 5 embies. Why give them an extra day of gestational credit when it took them an extra day to hit where they should have been at d5? So from here on out we'll pretend it was a 5dt.

Two hatching 2AA embies, one hatching more than the other

I also wore fancy phoenix socks. Embryos rising from the cryofreeze, no?

It's ME time- w DOVE Bodywash

I have never been a morning person. For as long as I can remember, even if I woke up early, I would lay in bed, postponing the day as long as possible. (i believe this is when i honed my supersonic hearing, eavesdropping on the rest of the house) Mornings? Not me time. More like, let me sleep time.

One of the few pleasures I take in the am is my shower. Long, luxurious, hot- love it. I could stay in for hours. When DOVE gave me the opportunity to enjoy that shower time a little more by reviewing their new line of body wash? Yes please!

I was lucky enough to try the Dove Softening Body wash, part of their VisibleCare line with Nutrium Moisture. I have GOT to say- this review could not have come at a better time. One of the most annoying side effects of the estrace pills I've been taking for the IVF cycle is that is dries me out like the Sahara. I'm thirsty all the time, and I'm practically drinking lotion. You know when you can just feel the ashiness on your legs and arms? The itchy dryness? Yeah. That.

Swear I'm not just overly emoting myself, but this Dove stuff is a lifesaver. It's so thick it looks like lotion coming out, smells amazing, and seriously lets the moisture sink into my arms and legs. The scent is so much that my sensitive first trimester nose can't handle it, and lingers into the morning. I still need to lotion a bit in the morning, but if I'm running late? No biggie. (Bonus? It works as a great shaving cream in a pinch!)

It claims that you can see visible improvement in just 7-days. No joke, you really can. Or rather, I really could. I'm adding this one to my list of IVF/FET must haves.

Even better? Dove is giving YOU a chance to win a $500 SpaFinder gift card! Just answer this question:

What is your favorite part of your morning routine?

Ooooh! And a coupon!!

Visit Dove^® VisibleCare^® to get a coupon for $1 off!

Enter to win one of two $500 Spafinder gift certificates!
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY
COMMENTS TO THIS POST ARE NOT SWEEPSTAKES ENTRIES. PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR ENTRY METHODS FOR THIS SWEEPSTAKES.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Follow this link, and provide your email address and your response to the Promotion prompt
b) Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: "#SweepstakesEntry"; and then visit this link to provide your email address and the URL to that Tweet.
c) Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and then visit this link to provide your email address and the URL to that post.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. Winners will have 72 hours to claim the prize, or an alternative winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 7/18/2012 - 8/22/2012
Be sure to visit the Dove^® VisibleCare™ Crème Body Wash brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!

Less than 2 days (20dp5dt, beta #4)

I had my fourth (and hopefully final!) beta draw today, and it would appear we are still pregnant and on track!

Recap:
Beta One (8dp5dt or 13dpo): 80
Beta Two (10dp5dt or 15dpo): 202 (doubling time 36 hrs)
Beta Three (15dp5dt or 20dpo or 4w6d): 1,845 (doubling time 38 hrs)
Beta Four (20dp5dt or 25 dpo or 5w4d): 8,769 (doubling time 53 hrs)

From BabyMed

Crazy J was hoping for something over 10K at this point, but based on average doubling times with such high values, it does seem as though we're still good. It's freaky to see the doubling time slowly drop off, even though I know it's completely normal.

Symptoms are still few and far between. Cramping has diminished significantly, I'm still exhausted as all hell, my boobs hurt (worst in the morning), and the heartburn picks up about an hour after I take my estrace pills. So yeah. Pretty much just the tired as far as things I can't blame on meds.

I alternate between extraordinarily anxious about Friday's ultrasound, and extraordinarily meh. I want to know desperately, but I also want to live in this la-la land of blissful unawareness. I mean, in 44 hours, we'll know something.

44 hours. Ack!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(hey also, i'll be posting a sponsored review some time this week, and i just wanted to promise this isn't going to turn into a review blog! it was a good opportunity to try out some free stuff and get paid to write an opinion on it. so yeah, promise we're not commercializing the madness any time soon.)

Consumed (4dp5dt)

It's all I can think about.

This whole cycle, I have been incredibly one-minded, with IVF Redux consuming practically every waking thought and action. I have managed to get by at work, but have spent a great deal of time thinking and analyzing and twittering and obsessing over this cycle. It's supposed to be the one that works. The one that went well. The one that had so many of the good things happen during. The one with the embryo with practically outstretched arms reaching towards my lining. I've set pretty darned high standards in my mind, and now I'm terrified.

Let's recap how it all looked, m'kay?

Finito!

- We had appropriately rising estrogen levels
- We didn't flip-flop on medication doses
- We had plenty of 17mm+ follies at trigger
- Our e2 only coasted for one day and didn't have a landslide at the end
- We fertilized 17 out of the 18 mature eggs, out of the 21 retrieved
- On transfer day, a blast was clawing its way out of its shell with another close behind
- On transfer day, only one of the 17 embryos had stopped growing
- I'm bribing the embies with sprinkle cupcakes, snickerdoodles, and a brownie

 
All of these are great things. And I'm not going to lie- I think it worked. I woke up to lots of broad uterine crampies 1dp5dt, and they lasted most of the day. I've had them on and off since. The rest of the "symptoms" I can blame on the progesterone and estrace tabs- sore boobs, heartburn, slight nausea when I eat too quickly. Other symptoms I can blame on going back to work- tiredness. And the dream I had Saturday night that I woke up to use the restroom at 3am at 3dp5dt and got a vivid BFP is par for the course- I have one of those dreams pretty much every transfer cycle. Still though, I just *feel* like it did.

Which means I'm setting myself up for a collossal fall of this pedestal if I'm wrong. I'm hoping and wishing and visualizing that I'm not, but still. I absolutely could be. I am overcome with the urge to test, because it could very well be positive at 9dpo. But it could also very well be a true negative, and it could very well be a false negative.

And so I'm also overcome with the fear of testing, as I don't know if I want to let go of this feeling yet. The feeling that it worked. That *I* worked. That I can, and am supposed to feel a child grow inside me.

Five days until the beta. *Maybe* two more mornings I'll be able to stop myself from peeing.

I don't want to feel like an idiot for thinking I'm pregnant, but I don't want to stop feeling it either. Sigh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And on a lighter (ok maybe not *really* lighter) note, rest in peace Lonesome George, the last of your kind. Many of us in this community know what it feels like to be unsuccessful at reproductive attempts, so we feel for you and your lost genetic line. I'm glad I got to meet (ok take a photo of with a really zoomed in lens) you before you left us.

We'll miss you, the last Pinta Galapagos Giant Tortoise

Ah burnt mah boobsicle

Yup, it was the first warm-ish and gorgeous day out here in sunny CA in a couple weeks, and my dumb butt goes and burns her decolletage while enjoying a lunch outdoors. Genius. Rockstar. Awesomesauce.

Hello, to all you ICLWers out there! Welcome to my world of failed IUIs, a failed fresh IVF cycle, and a chemical pregnancy from our first FET. You've caught me on the precipice of starting meds for our second FET, which will luckily be taking place with barely just enough time to get betas back before traveling out of the country. I look forward to reading many of your stories and meeting new friends out there to cheer on! For more on our story, check out the "Behind the Madness" and "Making a mini-Meier" tabs... you'll get all the sordid details.

When last you heard from me, I was in a pretty awesome depressive spiral about our chemical pregnancy, the one that felt like it would NEVER END. We had our SEVENTH beta this past Monday, and incredibly luckily, are finally off that train. Beta's officially back below 5, and I immediately took my first BCP for FET round 2. After a lot of support from Dr Boy, my family, good friends, and wine with The Womb Warrior, I was ready for whatever outcome the blood test gave us, but am thrilled at what did.

Our next protocol will be pretty tight, as I mentioned. Twelve BCPs, a couple of weeks of estrace suppositories, a few estradiol valerate shots here and there, and an official transfer date of April 23rd. A mere four weeks and four days away. (note the lack of lupron in our plan... SO HAPPY) Our first beta will be on April 30th, and the second on May 2nd. We're wheels up for lands afar at 9:30am on May 3rd. Hope the embies like to travel! I'll post our nicely color coded calendar tomorrow :)

What you missed...

...while I was off in crazy land.

- At our appointment on the 6th (I was dumb and wore tights- who wears tights to the RE? oy vey.), we checked my lining as I had been on the estrace and 2x weekly estrogen shots for about 10 days or so. It was only around 7.2-7.9 mm, which my RE considered only "adequate". To resolve this issue, we switched taking our estrace tabs orally to taking them as SUPPOSITORIES. I've been shoving these little gems up in lady-land for two weeks now. Lovely. It looks like I had relations with a smurf.

PDLAMBLATI-esque (had to put my bare feet on the stirrups. Eww.)

Up the lady bits. Three times each day. It's actually a lovely teal-blue color.

- About two days later, my ankles decided to take a vacation. Holy hell the swelling was bad! They did the whole poke-a-finger-and-the-depression-stays-there thing. I guess that's what I have to look forward to if this thing actually works, and I manage to stay pregnant well into the swollen phase.

So. Gross.

- I ran a 5K with Dr Boy. Considering it had been an entire 5 weeks since I had stepped foot near my running shoes (or off the couch for that matter), and I was in the throes of the lupron depression, I can put that event in the win column. It's a miracle I even made it out of the house that day. I ran shorter intervals than I did back in Nov, but my overall time was only less than 2 minutes slower- not bad. I did, however, want to die the next week, and my legs threatened to give out on my going down the stairs at work, but whatever. I did it.

I think I need to stop swinging my knees out when I run.

- I went on a ski trip with Dr Boy and some friends from grad school. This was the famed trip that was the reason for postponing the transfer from Feb 6 to Feb 15th. So. Glad. It was so much of what we needed before transfer. I haven't seen most of these people in a good 18 months or so, and catching up was fantastic. I got in two amazing days of skiing at Breckenridge, and Dr Boy did a third at Vail. And we went snow tubing. And had a generally merry time. I love skiing (though it's a miracle I didn't break myself), and am so glad we did this pre-transfer- the trip would NOT have been the same otherwise.

Heading up the tubing hill

These are some MAD ski skillz, I tell you.

- On the aforementioned ski trip, my IF bracelet fell off. SAD FACE. I was planning on taking it off when we got our BFP. Instead, it got caught in my watch and ripped off. It was pretty ratty, so not too much of a surprise. I had put it on back in August, I think, when I went to an infertility faux-baby shower at a local IF group. It was my first time meeting other IF-ers in real life, and was amazing. I hope the bracelet falling off is a karmic sign...

I was irrationally upset when this happened.

Otherwise, life has been boring. Or rather, I was too depressed to make life anything other than boring. Feel caught up?