It's not all rainbows and unicorn farts (CD10)

The life of an IVF patient is pretty damn glamorous, as you've all realized by now. I mean, we are the center of attention for a hoard of people for damn near two months, we get to take nearly a week off work, we get to use expensive medications... It's awfully fancy-pants.

The not-so-glamorous side, however, includes the shots. The awfully bruising shots because of the baby aspirin you're taking. The Frequent Wandings. The rapidly increasing list of people who've seen your business. (wait, that's celeb-like too. scratch.) The weight gain. The ugly cries.

But you all know about that stuff too. There have been quite a few things that I wasn't prepared for with this IVF business, though. You're about to get a whole heck of a lot more personal with me right now, so step aside if you're not game. These include:

- A mother effing yeast infection. Made possible by the ten-day course of doxycycline I took post-mock-transfer. Common, yes, after coming off of a round of antibiotics, mother effing annoying? Also yes.

- Pee cramps. Every time I pee out some of the daily 100 oz of water I'm trying to drink, my entire abdomen cramps up. I have to stop and start, stop and start, just to allow the rest of my innards to ooze back to where they're supposed to be. Ow.

- The runs. Admittedly, I've been consuming a lot of protein. A lot. And for a girl who just a few months ago added meat back into her diet after 15 years of abstinence, it's been interesting. Lots of belly-gurgling. Which is fun with the pee cramps.o

- The lack-of-runs. I keep going back and forth between not being able to poo and HAVING TO GO NOW. Constipation sucks. Especially at 3am.

-Lafobbing. Otherwise known as sobbing so hard you realize you're ridiculous and start laughing. But you can't stop sobbing either, so you end up with tears and snot streaming down your face and you try not to inhale them during bits of maniacal laughter. This has happened once per day thus far, since about stim day 6.

- Granny panties and Mu mus. You REALLY think you're going to be fitting into your Sevens when you've gained five pounds in as many days, all in your waistline? Think again. Mu mu's are your best friends, and thongs will get more up close and personal with your business than wandy if you attempt to whip them out this time of the month. (unfortunately, this one speaks from experience)

So there you have it. The ugly side of Hollywood IVF. And this is all PRE-retrieval. Super. It's a good thing my boobs are getting (even) bigger, because Dr Boy reads this blog and I'm pretty sure this post is one big ock-block, if yaknowwhatimean.

Anything else you've all experienced that I have to look forward to?
 

What we've been up to, through today. Friday's dosage is TBD pending the am wanding.
Click to zoom.

Does this shade of crazy look good on me?

Apparently it does. To recap the drama'z:

CD15: estadiol 84, all follies under 10mm, decide to *try* to keep going another few days
CD16/17: IVF/FET freakout
CD18: estradiol 226, yippee! U/S scheduled for CD20
CD19: estradiol 428, extra yippee!
CD20: Ultrasound showed an 18.5mm follie on lefty, and a 15mm and 14mm on righty. Uterine lining 9.4mm (up from 8.2 for IUI #1)

Score! It would appear that my body thrives on crazy, which is a good thing because I don't see that changing any time soon. We decided to trigger that night (which was Saturday), then do the IUI Monday morning. Rock the heck on! Even better was having Dr Boy at the ultrasound so he could see the excitingness that is a successful follicle-finding ultrasound. Bonus: He was able to reschedule his first hour of patients Monday morning so he could be there when the plunger was pushed :) Silly, but still meaningful to me. And him. Saturday night's trigger was super easy, again, the easiest shot of the 18 we had to administer this go-around.

It didn't end up going as smoothly as we had hoped Monday morning. We dropped off the goods, and came back an hour later for our 8:40am appt. OK, we actually showed up about 15 min before that in hopes that we could get the show on the road, and DB to his clinical duties asap. We let them know we were back, and proceeded to see everyone else in the waiting room enter, then exit the dr's offices. Dr Boy can get a wee bit high strung sometimes, especially when it comes close to him being late for something. Like work. Which cannot happen. By 8:55am, we asked the receptionist what the heck was going on, because if we didn't get called back in the next minute or two, DB was going to have to leave. She said we were "coming right up."

Didn't happen. DB left at 9am. There was much anxiety on his part, but I was doing my best to stay in my zen place for happy fertilizing. I was called back at 9:10, and when questioned about the timeliness (or lack thereof) of the appt, the NP performing the IUI proclaimed that she wasn't running late! Yeah, 30 minutes past an appt time generally constitutes running late, but whatever. Zen place. It is what it is, and the fact that Dr Boy was able to come to the appt sat, and be there for at least the waiting on in the morning was wonderful. I asked about the stats, but all they note is whether the post-wash sample has > 20 mil and > 50% motility. Which is did :)

Despite the pre-game dramaz, the IUI went very well (I think). I definitely felt the catheter going past the cervix because I'm blessed (ha!) with a super-sensitive cervix, but there was no pain or cramping the rest of the day like IUI #1. There was quite a bit of discharge about an hour later though, which combined with the lack of pain makes me worried that the sample wasn't deposited in my ute. Again, going to my zen place, because it is what it is at this point. Surely she knew what she was doing, right? Right? And if not, well, we supplemented the process just in case.

So now I'm 1 DPO and on the crazy scale? Probably down around a 1 or so. Fantasticness.

So there you have it.... from inaction to insemination in seven days flat! And the boobs are already getting sore so I know there's at least some progesterone floating around my system.

I'm.... dare I say it... excited!

And for you, dear readers, I have a question- what do you all do during the TWW to promote implantation? I don't have enough crazy going on right now, and I desperately need help coming up with something to fill that void! Hope you're all well!

(PS- come on, you know you want to "join this site" google-style... giveaway at 50!)

Just keep swimming swimming

My lovely friend N sent this to me today-
isn't the look on that guy's face classic? Love it!

We are officially two week waiting! Took the juice to the clinic at 7:40am, and we were back in the room by 8:30am doing the dirty with a catheter. Dr Boy was able to go, which made me happy. It also made HIM happy to hear that the count was over 20 million with over 50% motility. Post-wash. Glad ONE of us works right ;)

Dr Poor bedside manner (who is actually really awesome now that he knows DH is a dr) did the insemination as awesome Dr K is still on leave. While he was gentle, I still felt crampy all day. I'm the girl who thinks pap smears hurt and cause cramping, so it's no surprise that it's still on the uncomfortable side. If THIS hurts, I don't even want to imagine what's gonna happen in 9 months. But I digress. (who says digress? really.)

I'm amazed at how quickly it went by. I did get to lay around for 10-15 minutes, and was told to come back in 2 weeks for a blood test. Dr PBM is pretty convinced I'll either end up pregnant (he said he really liked my follicles) or get my period in 2 weeks. I was skeptical based on my long-ass cycles before, but he seems to think that based on the kind of induced O we for sure had, AF will come a knockin' at the right time. Though hopefully the right time will be some time in 2012 or 13 :) Oh, and he doesn't think we need any sort of progesterone supplements for now, so I'm hoping he's right.

Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! What the HECK am I going to do to distract myself now?????

Here we go again

This is Hannah's conflicted face:

She wants to ride in the car, but without the infernal seatbelt.

I'm conflicted.

Not sure whether to be happy or sad this cycle. There have been some positive moments- hitting CD1 in time to do the contraction-inducing HSG before I left for my trip to the Midwest, ovulation waiting until after I got back from the Midwest, crampy ovaries yesterday so I had a STRONG feeling I'd be getting a +OPK this morning. Which I did (on CD20, right at the end of my window)- yay for that. No really, I mean it. I'm glad I'm approaching some sense of "normalcy" with my cycle, even if it is 50 days long and includes a 30 day luteal phase.

I just don't know how idiotic it is to think that it may actually produce my BFP. Let's be honest, we've had lots of cycles over the course of the last two and a half years. Not as many as a NORMAL person, since I only really started cycling on my own in November and even since then it's nearly every two months. But I did have a couple of clomid cycles, non-clomid-ed cycles induced by provera, and the most recent ones. None have worked, and this one is au-natural except for a few pee-sticks and the metformin and synthroid I've been on the last 6 months. Oh, and pre-seed. (which creeps me out but i'd like to stack the deck in my favor thanksforasking) 


I guess in the grand scheme of things, it's not so many BFN cycles, but it sure as hell feels like it to me. I think it's the time more than anything else. Dr Boy and I started trying to conceive before I turned 27. I have now reached the point where I will have a full-term child before I turn 30 ONLY if I get preggo this cycle (ha). Thirty isn't that old, I know. It's just a milestone I had always imagined passing with two children in my arms. Two. And now I'm fighting for one. I don't want to cry about it again. I just want something to happen.

My first appt with the new RE dept is scheduled for June 15th. That'll be 15DPO, or CD34. Good timing, I guess, in that regard. We'll know if this attempt worked, and will be able to start a fully monitored cycle with a Dr, knowing fully that we've tried. And god knows we'll try this time around (hey! TMI police!). Our five-year wedding anniversary is on Friday. I have to work 6am shifts through the weekend, but we're still finding time to have a nice dinner and night out together.

The bad timing that seems to haunt me comes next weekend, when we're heading to Napa to do a real anniversary celebration. Smack dab on days 9 through 11 of the TWW. Early enough to where I might be able to get a faint BFP, but not late enough to be certain of a BFN. Which means I am going to wine country. Sober. (Insert advice to see someone about my need to drink copious amounts of wine HERE.) Not how I imagined spending the trip. If I wanted to go somewhere to NOT drink, there are a thousand places within driving distance that would be higher on the list. So I get pissed off about infertility and the bottles of wine I can't have because of it, the pissy-ness made more acute by the fact that I have no faith in this cycle anyways. And if I have no faith in the cycle why not just drink while I'm there? Or not even try? But we WILL try. And I WON'T drink. I'll just be pissy about it.


So there. I'm pissy, hopeless, ranting, and cranky. Already. Great place to be the morning you get your positive OPK, right?

Oh, and did I mention the father-in-law is coming to town for dinner tonight? Consider the mood set.

(maybe I'll be positive tomorrow. we'll see.)

Texting

Me: I just took a sip of water from a cup but accidentally spilled it down my v neck and it dribbled down to my belly button. You married quite the talented lady.

DB: Sounds hot

So hot you're cool, so cool you're hot

$10 points to the reader that can name that 80's band!! ( crickets chirping, because I have, like, two followers... Who are awesome and I love you by the way)

So Dr Boy and I were talking after I.... ummm... may have traded a favor to get out of a chore. Don't judge. Here's how the conversation went:

DB: Why is it so cold all of a sudden at night? We just had a ton of hot nights recently!

Me: Really? I'm pretty sure I just gave you a hot night! Plus I just ovulated, so five out of the last seven nights were steamy too!

DB: No no!!! I meant the weather!! The weather!!

Me: Oh. I thought you were complaining that I left my shirt on.

And to think guys get the bad rap for thinking about sex all the time.

edited: I was singing that song later, and Dr Boy is convinced I made it up.