Thought Vomit ThursFriday

Thurs-Friday is kindof like brunch or linner, a little bit of both worlds :)

- Had an awful time getting to my u/s appt Tuesday. Between the impossible task of finding a parking spot, not knowing which building the dr was located in (different location than usual), ending up floating around the maternity wards (yes, that really happened), and nearly having a breakdown when I checked in 15 minutes late, I finally made it. Hardly still sane, but made it.

- The u/s showed no follie activity yet. Nothing over 7mm, after 6 days of shots. Whatevs. There weren't any last time around, it just rules out this cycle moving along any faster than last time, really. On one hand, it should still be fine because we did end up with a good, ovulating, follie last time. On the other, it didn't end up making me a baby. So I'm still a bit jaded and disconnected from this cycle a bit more, mentally at least.

- Shots 8 and 9 hurt like a bitch. And bruised. I am so over this. But I can't complain about them too much bc Dr Boy feels like I'm bitching about HIM and the way HE injects me. Which I'm not, I'm just bitching about it in general. Sigh.

- I'm pissed that this cycle isn't moving faster bc it means we won't be able to fit in a third before we leave for Boston and VT in mid-Oct. Because yes, I'm already thinking about next time. I told you I was feeling disconnected about this cycle. Maybe a quick month off would be good though, I don't know. Give my body a chance to relax a little (I hear relaxing gets you pregnant) and lose the 8 lbs I've gained in the last 6 weeks. What the hell am I saying, I'm going to be pissed if this time doesn't work and we have to waste more time. Pissed.

- I'm attempting to cut out processed sugar, at least for a little bit. I was less than 1 lb shy of 190 when I stepped on the scale yesterday, and that is UNACCEPTABLE. Ohhhhhhhhh no. Mmmm mmmmm. I'm taking the AA "one day at a time" approach. I can refrain from peanut m&m's and Grandmother's peanut butter cookies from the snack shack TODAY. I can say no to the skinny cow ice cream sandwich TODAY. I can give away the chocolate brownies left over from our BBQ TODAY. What did Dr Boy say last night? "We need more good dessert options up in this house." Ha. Get used to it.

- I'm fairly certain the low-sugar deal will only last up until my next BFN. Here's hoping, though.

- I am planting beets and lettuce in my fall garden. About to give up on my peppers and zucchini. It's been a bad year for peppers in my 'hood, and I can't seem to get the zucc's any bigger than 4" before they start to turn yellow. Very odd. I thought they grew like weeds!!! Tomatoes are still going strong though. Yum-tastic.

- My self-esteem lately has been ROCK BOTTOM. This one deserves its own post though. Just thought I'd throw it out there.

I have another u/s this afternoon. Hopefully we'll see something more interesting, since it IS CD12 and all.

That is all.

Intruders!

These little guys are about an inch long, and seem to luuuurve my tomatoes. They're not tobacco hornworms or tomato hornworms, I'm pretty sure. Too small, and no horn.

What the heck are they though???????? Keep in mind I live in Cali.

Raaaaawwwwwwrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

This guy is so classy he's peeing in the picture

The best guess I have is tomato fruit caterpillars. Which grosses me out because now I'm afraid I'm going to eat a worm when I crack open my new beautiful fruit. And beautiful they are :)

The weather has gotten warm, and the garden is finally flourishing!

In case you were wondering, the ART I performed on the zucchinis was successful... there's hope for me yet!

A List.

Because I've been ill since Saturday, and every time I cough I feel like I have "Shaken-JM-Syndrome", this is the best I can come up with right now. Miss you guys. I'll be back to commenting when I can keep my eyes open for prolonged periods of time.

1. I said eff you to my crampy uterus and started the provera last Wednesday. One more down tomorrow. If it's anything like last cycle, that should give me AF on Sunday, and starting the menopur mid-week.

2. I've had the sore throat from hell combined with 3-pack-a-day smoker's cough since Saturday. Two dr's appt later and all I have to show for it is three less sick days in the bank, some Mucinex D, and Robitussin with codeine... Oh wait... that's not so bad...

3. Spent four of those sick days in LA visiting my family. Had to cancel plans with friends. Spent most of the time in bed. My mom got to take care of me and make me soup. Funny quote "I love that you're sick because it means you need me again". Oh momma-sita, I will always need you! Now can I do it without coughing up bloody phlegm?

4. I am irrationally terrified that the summer flu from hell will prevent me from going forward with this cycle. Please tell me I am an irrational worry-wort.

5. I got back to Nrn CA yesterday to a well-cared-for garden (thanks, Dr Boy!) and loads of ripening tomatoes. Finally!

6. I've lost two pounds in a week. The flu is good for something.

ETA: Do you guys think I should ask for a day 3 FSH and estradoil test? Is never ovulating on my own and not responding to the clomid once (but probably all three times) enough of a concern to have this done?

Confusion

Has anyone had an issue with ovulating late on Clomid? Apparently I do. Today is CD23, and the almighty pee sticks are continuing to mock me.

You mocking mocker, you.

I've tested for 13 mornings in a row now, all within an hour of the same time. This meant setting an alarm for 5:30am on the weekend, which is practically illegal. At least in my book. The few times I recently cycled on my own, I got a + OPK on CD 19, 20, 14, and 20 (again). This go-around, I've been testing with both the CBE as well as the internet cheapies. The cheapies aren't even getting close to a + result. I do feel awfully bloated and uncomfortable in the abdomen, but don't really remember feeling that much at this point other times.

My question to you, dear followers, is when is it OK to call the RE? Am I being antsy by not getting a positive yet, or should I legitimately be concerned? I don't want to bug them, but I am also really frustrated that this first IUI may be derailed before it even gets out of the station. Eff. It just effing sucks.

Advice is greatly appreciated, because right now I just want to go back to bed and have a do-over of the morning. A do-over that ends up with a +. I shouldn't let this get to me, but I should be happily in the middle of my TWW right now, not stressing over when the damn thing is going to start. This whole week I've been pretty unbearable at home, too, and I'm sure Dr Boy is ready to kick me out until the eggs drop.


On more entertaining and less bitter-infertile news, I performed ART on my zucchini plant the other day. I seem to be the only person in the history of gardening that is incapable of growing a stupid squash. I thought they grew like weeds!!! I thought people had zucc's coming out of their ears when they planted them! Not so much for this veggie novice. I've had lots of flowers but no results, so I took matters into my own hands (literally), and hand-pollinated one of the flowers. We'll see if that does the trick.

At least I can fertilize SOMETHING, mother effer.

Also entertaining is the fact that someone googled "i have the clap and im pregnant" to get to my blog. I'm classy. 

A list

1. I am currently working shift number 5 of 7. Does this make it Friday #1, or Wednesday #3? Or Thursday #2 with two Fridays? I always wonder.

2. I killed a spider that was hiding out underneath Hannah's dog bed last night, after waking up to get water. Effing. Gross.

3. Dr Boy killed a spider earlier that day that was making a web on our tomato cage. I made him do it so I could harvest my future tomatoes in arachnid-free peace. On second thought, I don't think I'll be able to reach into the thick bushy plants without protective armor on ever again.

4. Dr Boy WILL BE killing the spider that has taken up residence in between the screen and the window in our kitchen. Vomit. No, we never open that window. And now we never will, even when the mother effer is dead.

5. I hate spiders. And I am tired of them. We are spraying Home Defense like it's going out of style when I get home from work this afternoon (triple-digit heat be damned).

6. I removed a caterpillar from my tomato plants before I noticed the disgusting arachnid. I didn't want it to die, just stop eating my plants. I moved it to a tree and hope it doesn't get eaten by a bird.

7. Clomid gives me hot flashes. I took round two last night before bed, and woke up an hour later in a sweat. So I got up and got water. And killed a spider. And turned up the A/C 'cause there was no way in hell I was sleeping without covers when spiders are running rampant in our rental. Hell. No.

8. Dr Boy and I may go see Super 8 tonight, if traffic in our little downtown isn't too bad from the 5K/10K/1/2Marathon that's being run tonight. Poor runners, it's effing hot out.

9. I hate spiders.

10. I would like to hurry up this whole "saving $$ for a new down payment" business so we can BUY A HOUSE THAT DOESN'T HAVE A BILLION SPIDERS LIVING IN IT. I have already fallen in love with a house. Unfortunately, I don't think the sellers will wait until next Spring. Though if they did I will love them forever and ever. And their beautiful house.


That is all. Hope you are all beating the heat and enjoying the three-day weekend I wish I had!!!

Also HAPPY ALMOST ANNIVERSARY to my friend N!!! 

Dr Boy took these fireworks photos the day before she and her husband got married.

Naked. In the Backyard.

(Otherwise known as "I am my father's daughter")

Yesterday was a good, productive day. I ran some errands on the way home from vanpool, needing some additional groceries (milk and cheese) for a new recipe I wanted to try for dinner. I really wanted to get a jump start on cooling when I got home, as I planned on making some freezer meals (banana nut muffins and twice-baked potatoes) too. Ended up pulling up to the house at around 5pm, not too shabby, I thought!

Then I realized. My neighbors had my house keys (from petsitting over the weekend). The spare set? Sitting on the key hook. In the house. Locked out. The key-wielding neighbors weren't home, and Dr Boy was 40 minutes away.

1. It was not cool out. It was not warm out. It was HOT out. The hottest day of the year so far.

2. I was wearing my best Pioneer Woman impersonation getup- floral tunic top, jeggings, and brown boots. Not the best choice for a triple-digit day. Already sweating because of the errands and hot cars and the like.

I couldn't justify running the A/C in the car for 45 minutes, so I did what any respectable floozy woman does- stripped down to a tanktop and underwear and hung out in the backyard. And called Dr Boy to come home, STAT. And watered the garden. And tweeted.

Dr Boy came home rather quickly and was horrified to see me lounging so immodestly in the yard. "What if the neighbor's popped by?????" Really? They've never just "popped by" before! The fences would have kept anyone from calling the cops on me. It was quite freeing, actually.


I told my mom about it this morning, and she just laughed. My father is a bit absent-minded when it comes to stuff like that too (not the clothing-optional part, just the keys/wallet/watch kind of thing), and she said it sounded just like him. Guess I'm not a milkman baby!

While waiting in the yard I did get to see a pretty gnarly squirrel fight- three of them flailing about in one of the trees next to the fence. One of them had a giant nutsac. It was not pretty. (before you judge me from checking out the squirrel's nads, I swear, you couldn't NOT see them. They were HEEEE-YOOOGE) I wish I had had the fancy-pants camera.


So that was my evening. I still made the muffins and potatoes and dinner (including this beet and goat cheese risotto which was phenomenal). Triumph!


I'm about to head out to my first visit with the new IF doctors. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah- and did I mention today I'm 14DPO? Not pregnant. Another BFN. I cried over it when I tested prematurely on Sat, so I'm over the mega-emotional part. On to the next cycle. With my new Drs.

I have an unhealthy obsession.

My Victory Garden, as of June 6th. And BTW, this photo
was not nearly as blurry in iPhoto. Thanks, Blogger.

With my garden. I heart it. I go outside when I get home from work, and I stare at it. I fight the good fight against the mushrooms that have been springing up during this unusually cold May and early June. I haven't needed to water or prune it much, due to the rain we've had here in the last couple of weeks, so instead, I stare.

I stare at the strawberry that will be red and delicious one day, remembering how the plant looked like a dead twig back in April.

I stare at the tomato flowers, which will (hopefully) become juicy tomatoes to turn into salsa and soup and sauce and other wonderful things. I wonder what kind of tomatoes the plants I got from the horticulture dept will be.

I swoon over the new bell pepper plant I bought on impulse, as if the planter weren't crowded enough. But it's called a "Sweet Chocolate Bell Pepper"- how could this chocoholic resist? The rest of the peppers are all tiny because of the cool weather. I have my fingers crossed that they'll pop when it heats up a bit next week.

I dream of the muffins and bread and grilling that will result from the flowering zucchini plant. Which I swear, went from zero to blooming in about a day. Craziness. Seriously, those are all flowers now.

The pesto and bruscetta I'll make with the purple basil.

And the green beans I finally planted so there would be at least one edible in the garden Dr Boy would eat. Do as he says, not as he does!

I don't know what it is about this garden that makes me swoon, but it sure does. Our first yard, gone from a big pile of unsightly dirt, to a big pile of unsightly dirt covered in edibles. Edibles that will be coming out of my ears by the end of the summer!

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I take pride in being about to MAKE something. I can't seem to make a damn baby, so something to eat is the next best thing, I guess. I don't want to get all philosophical about it, because then I'll just start rolling my eyes at myself and being all "seriously J, it's a freakin' garden. That's all."

But it makes me happy.

Are you gardens flourishing? What'cha all growing?

How does your garden grow?

I haven't posted photos of the garden that I started in a while, so I thought I'd share. Nothing else is going on right now ;) 

Most of the plants went in on April 22th. If you've haven't been following, that day I planted 6 tomatoes, 2 bell peppers, 1 Anaheim pepper, 1 jalepeno, 2 cantaloupes, 1 watermelon, 1 zucchini, and two basil (purple and sweet). So far, I've only managed to kill one of the cantaloupes, and one tomato. The cantaloupe I am calling more of a "failure to thrive" than my black thumb. It helps me sleep at night. The tomato was one of the two purple tomatoes I got for free from the horticulture dept at the local university. It was pretty tiny and delicate so I'm not too surprised. Again, no lost sleep. 

There's also a strawberry plant in a hanging basket that I planted from a tiny cutting. It's doing pretty well too! I may actually get one or to off of it by the end of the summer. Especially considering there's flowers on it!

I replaced the cantaloupe with a green zebra tomato. I think they're one of my favorite heirlooms. I didn't replace the other purple tomato because I realized I still had 6 tomato plants and only one person in the house who will eat them :) I also added two more basil plants, lemon this time. I am so excited to make mass quantities of pesto this fall, and delicious pasta dishes, and whatever else I can think of. 

I finally put in the tomato cages last week, when the plants actually started to grow. Stupid cool and rainy May.

And now, for your viewing pleasure:

Sorry for the crappy lihting in the pics. I had to catch a flight!

Getting my hands dirty

Quite literally.

I am so very excited to get work going on our new vegetable garden! Yesterday my father-in-law came over to help me scope out the land. Basically, to decide how the heck to do this with the craptastic clay soil we have here. There were two options, as we saw it.

1. Rent a rototiller and till the hell out of the soil, adding a bunch of good stuff into it so things will grow.

2. Build a raised bed and fill it up with good stuff so things will grow.

We ended up going with option two, since I found relatively inexpensive soil and boards to build the planter. I had gone back and forth over the raised bed issue for a couple of weeks, annoyed by the amount of soil needed, but encouraged by the better rooting that could take place. We found some boards in the scrap pile at the hardware store today and the decision was made.

Plus a rototiller won't fit in my car.

So now I have an ambitious garden planned... Did I mention it's 8 feet by 8 feet? I'm frickin' crazy. On the menu this summer:

1 zucchini *

1 jalepeno

1 anaheim pepper

2 bell peppers **

2 purple tomatoes of some sort (in a clay pot ~ 2 ft tall) **

2 heirloom beefsteak tomatoes of some sort **

2 cherry tomatoes **

1 sweet basil

1 purple basil

2 cantelope

1 watermelon

Here's where it's going to go:

I'm ridiculous excited about the possibility of making purple bruscetta if the purple tomatoes and purple basil survive.

Ummmmmm holy crap I'm in over my head. And to think, I wanted to start off with a SMALL garden....


* free from a friend who accidentally bought a 4-pack
** free from the horticulture dept at the local university. i live in an awesome college town.

Mah Glutes Are Gahn

Not in an "I have no ass" kind of way, but more in an "I used muscles I'm not used to and now they don't work so I might as well have none" kind of way. I helped a friend put in her summer garden yesterday, and we successfully planted ~20 different plants (of course the true test of success will be in a couple of months). I also ran/walked 3.5 miles in the morning, when I otherwise would have been asleep and dead to the world. Both felt great at the time*, but have left my rump feeling roasted, and my thighs tenderized. Since I wasn't alone for either, they felt more like socializing than exercise.

On a side note, I absolutely LOVE gardening. When we lived in a townhouse (before we moved up here), I planted a topsy turvy and a clay pot with tomatoes. Year one produced mild success.

Look at the size of that thing! Not bad for a porch!


Mmmmmmm delicious!


Topsy-tastic! Some sort of yellow cherry heirloom variety that was delicious.

Note that there are no photos of my 2010 fiasco of a porch garden. A combination of April travel and a newly-diagnosed diabetic cat had that year bound to fail before it even got root. Ha. I'm funny.


But enough about my love of dirt. And things that come out of it. Though I'm a little obsessed with vine-ripened tomatoes. I think I may plant about a billion of them this week. Nomnomnomnom....

OK for real enough now. Moral of the story is that I got off my sorry dead arse and MOVED and ENJOYED it. That's the point. I also did pretty well food-wise. I avoided all things super delicious at a festival in town (including cotton candy, a slushy, bag of chips, and mmmmmm frozen lemonade). I walked a lot. I did have a few drinks at a bar Friday night but ordered rum and diet coke :) Yes that counts a diet-conscious choice. Let me live in denial.

So things are going slowly but surely in the right direction. I feel good, and am starting to go down, down, down. Slowly. But slowly that'll speed up too :) Just like my 5K time.



* Just kidding the run felt like crap. It was hotter than the last time I ran, and humid, and I felt like my entire body was going UP and DOWN with each step I took on the run part of the intervals. Thank god for the awesome coach I was running or I would never have gone as far. It did feel good after though.


Today I weigh: 181.0 lbs
Today my BMI is: 27.1
Weight loss/gained this week: didn't weigh last week
Goal: 165 lbs (wedding weight!!!!)
Goal BMI: 24.7 (according to this calculator)
By When? April 24th (Ha! I'm funny.)