Officially Over

Things could be better. It's all officially over. We had our second ultrasound at 6w4d, a Wednesday, and there was very little growth of the sacs. Double blight ovums, final answer. Sigh.

I had skipped PIO/Estradiol Valerate the night before because really, I just wanted to kick my body into withdrawal as soon as possible. Brought the meds to the appt just in case something leaned towards hanging on longer, but obviously didn't need that. I'm glad I did. I started spotting Friday, and passed the tissue Sunday. While my parents, brother, and his significant other were all visiting. Fun right???

*M/C TRIGGER WARNING*

Any qualms I had before about calling this a miscarriage are completely gone. I don't think I will ever forget the sensation of passing those clots. There was just so much MORE than I ever imagined there to be. I passed 4 or 5 large clots, maybe the size of a mandarin orange? (If we can measure fetuses by their like-sized fruit, so can we with m/c clots.) It was horrible. And really out of nowhere. I was sitting on the couch, and had been having some lower back cramping all morning, then BAM. Gush. Ran up to the bathroom, and plop. On and on for about 3 or 4 hours. It was horrible. I passed smaller clots through the next day, then just heavy period-like flow with stringy clots for another 4 or 5 days, literally. I stopped bleeding for good Mon or Tues of last week, after 9 days of bleeding. Ugh.

*END GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION*

So that's over. I had three betas to follow it back down and make sure my body got rid of everything. Just 3 days after the loss (May 28), my beta was already down to 264. That is crazy to me. At 11 days past the loss, my beta was down to a frustratingly close 8. Final beta was yesterday, at 15 days past, and down to 5. Not pregnant enough to count as not pregnant.

So that's that. We're hoping to get a cycle together for August. For now, I'm working on getting healthy. Like, for serious. I actually joined a gym.

Yeah. So. Loss. Thanks for the love- I honestly had no idea any of you were still out there in a place you could actually find me! Love to see some of you familiar faces :)

What you missed...

...while I was off in crazy land.

- At our appointment on the 6th (I was dumb and wore tights- who wears tights to the RE? oy vey.), we checked my lining as I had been on the estrace and 2x weekly estrogen shots for about 10 days or so. It was only around 7.2-7.9 mm, which my RE considered only "adequate". To resolve this issue, we switched taking our estrace tabs orally to taking them as SUPPOSITORIES. I've been shoving these little gems up in lady-land for two weeks now. Lovely. It looks like I had relations with a smurf.

PDLAMBLATI-esque (had to put my bare feet on the stirrups. Eww.)

Up the lady bits. Three times each day. It's actually a lovely teal-blue color.

- About two days later, my ankles decided to take a vacation. Holy hell the swelling was bad! They did the whole poke-a-finger-and-the-depression-stays-there thing. I guess that's what I have to look forward to if this thing actually works, and I manage to stay pregnant well into the swollen phase.

So. Gross.

- I ran a 5K with Dr Boy. Considering it had been an entire 5 weeks since I had stepped foot near my running shoes (or off the couch for that matter), and I was in the throes of the lupron depression, I can put that event in the win column. It's a miracle I even made it out of the house that day. I ran shorter intervals than I did back in Nov, but my overall time was only less than 2 minutes slower- not bad. I did, however, want to die the next week, and my legs threatened to give out on my going down the stairs at work, but whatever. I did it.

I think I need to stop swinging my knees out when I run.

- I went on a ski trip with Dr Boy and some friends from grad school. This was the famed trip that was the reason for postponing the transfer from Feb 6 to Feb 15th. So. Glad. It was so much of what we needed before transfer. I haven't seen most of these people in a good 18 months or so, and catching up was fantastic. I got in two amazing days of skiing at Breckenridge, and Dr Boy did a third at Vail. And we went snow tubing. And had a generally merry time. I love skiing (though it's a miracle I didn't break myself), and am so glad we did this pre-transfer- the trip would NOT have been the same otherwise.

Heading up the tubing hill

These are some MAD ski skillz, I tell you.

- On the aforementioned ski trip, my IF bracelet fell off. SAD FACE. I was planning on taking it off when we got our BFP. Instead, it got caught in my watch and ripped off. It was pretty ratty, so not too much of a surprise. I had put it on back in August, I think, when I went to an infertility faux-baby shower at a local IF group. It was my first time meeting other IF-ers in real life, and was amazing. I hope the bracelet falling off is a karmic sign...

I was irrationally upset when this happened.

Otherwise, life has been boring. Or rather, I was too depressed to make life anything other than boring. Feel caught up?

I trotted! Turkey Style!

I did it! I finished the race :) I knew I would finish. The only thing in question was the time. I'm thrilled to say I finished the Turkey Trot in 39:23- which was faster than my goal of 42 minutes! I know it's still a painfully slow pace (just over 13 minute miles), but I'm still happy. I haven't run a race in 7 years, and to be honest, this is the first one I didn't want to die after having run. I consider that a WIN!

Also a win? The fabulous sign my friends made for me and Dr Boy at the finish line. It definitely gave me the adrenaline I needed to SPRINT the last 20 seconds or so.

Names have been obscured to protect the guilty

Rock on.

Things of note:
- I love running intervals. I ran (with a friend) for the first 11 minutes straight, then took on intervals of 3 minutes running, 1 minute walking. Worked for us!
- The adrenaline of all those people starting out the race together? Intense! No wonder we skipped our first few walking intervals.
- It was 41 degrees when we started the race. I wish I had mittens. But at least I looked cute-ish?

Admire the fancy running gear

- Dr Boy finished 5 minutes faster than me. Damn him. My consolation prize? I hurt less now than he does. Of course, I trained, and he didn't, so that's fair.
- After the race, Dr Boy had a beer. Because that's how he rolls. We then went to breakfast and ate way more food than is justified for only having run 3 miles. Whatever. It was delicious.
- I'll be taking December off of running (IVF, duhzies), but plan on getting back on the horse in January, pregnant or not. After consulting my physician, of course. The real one. Not the one I'm married to.

Thanks for all the support!

(also, here's one of my favorite pics from this morning, before the race. Love.

We are clearly way too cool for this race.

Century Club

Yep, this is lucky number 100. I wish I had something more earthshattering or even entertaining to talk about, but, really, you're not reading Meier Madness for life affirmations so it's ok.

So I'm running a 5K on Saturday called the Turkey Trot. I shall trot away, and hopefully not end up looking like a turkey in the process. My goal is to not finish last in my age group, which may be difficult when you're slow as eff like I am and still under the age of 30. I have to keep telling myself that at least I'm out there doing it, right?

Right?

Even if it takes me 45 minutes?

Awww gee. At least I get to wear my new spiffy cold-weather running clothes. That'll make it fun, right?

What things do you all do that you never thought you would? I hate running. Or, at least I used to. Now? It doesn't suck quite as much ass.

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This lame post has been brought to you by NaBloPoMo.

Saturday Tidbits

1. I ran/walked 3.5 miles in 41 degree weather, completely outwitting the CA weather wuss that I am. Woot!

2. I spent too much money on running clothes so that I can run in wussy CA cold weather.

3. I went to an awesome open house. Just for fun. It's like crack, I tell you!

4. I went to Doctor Prom. So. Much Fun! Complete with dorky photos in front of a fake background and everything! I'd show you, but then I'd have to kill you. And that would make me sad.


Hope you're all having a fun weekend!


**I apologize for the lameness of this post. Less lameness to follow tomorrow.

TVT

Vom-a-long-a-ding-dong

• The TWW sucks. As usual, I'm over it, and I'm only, like, three days in really. Today I'm 3DPO but it kindof feels like a year. The nice thing is that there are a whole BUNCH of bloggie peeps (please don't unfriend me for using the word "peeps") that are sitting in this mess within a couple days of me, so that makes me feel better. We'll spread/share the crazy amongst ourselves.
• My boobs hurt. More in the nip-region than last time's all-over pain, but still? All over pain is there. 
• I had my third running group meeting last night, and it felt *gasp* good! Last week I was pretty pissed at myself because I could really feel how badly I had let my fitness slip during the summer. Last night, I could still feel it, but not quite as much. I could almost run around the 1/4 mile track without stopping, and I'm not all that sore this morning (whereas the day after my first run I could barely make it up the stairs to my office). I call that progress! They bribed us with a free hat if we show up to 7/10 of the first sessions. I respond to bribery well, and am 3/4, the first of which I missed only because I had to work.
• We also worked a little on core after running which I despise like the devil that it is. Devil, I tell you!!! I did planks, but skipped out on the crunches. I justified it by telling myself that I didn't want to crunch the embryo that's busy getting ready to shove itself in my ute. I feel no guilt.
• My baby brother's coming to town this weekend... woot! So excited to show him around our town. 
• Did I mention I was bored? TWW's are boring. 
• I have a POAS plan. I will FOR SURE be peeing a week from Sat, Oct 8th, which will be 12DPO. That was the day last round that AF showed up, and I don't want that to be how I find out. I *might* test at 11DPO, but only if I'm feeling the same super cramps that I did last time. Again, no surprises. 
• Which reminds me, I haven't been testing out the trigger. Ooops. It took seven days last time, so I'll pee tomorrow at 5DPO and see what I see. I love internet cheapies. 

And that is all the vomit I can compile for this week (other than the lemon basil that one of the cats vommed yesterday thankyouverymuch). I think Natalie or Oak should start up a little linky, yeah? So we can make sure not to miss all of everyone else's spew?