Monday, April 30, 2012

Nope-si-daisy (7dp6dt, beta #1)

I peed on a FRER yesterday and this morning, and the beta confirmed it.

Less than 5.

Not pregnant.

Again.

Repeat beta on Wednesday, just to make sure. Continuing meds until then because why the eff not. Honestly, I'm hoping with everything I have in me that it stays negative so we don't have to ride the hellish chemical rollercoaster again.

At 13dpo, a negative beta is a bad thing, even if the 15dpo comes back positive. It really just is, and there's no way around it.

Thank fucking god we're going on vacation at the end of the week. I think our tropical destination sounds like the perfect place to decide how we're going to come up with another $13,000 after just buying a house. Oh, and whether we want to part with that cash in June or July. And what the FUCK to change so this shit works.

When I arrived at the lab this morning, the women checking me in said (and I kid you not) "You must love getting this test! You've had so many!" Instead of violence, I told her we just haven't gotten the right answer yet. And promptly lost my shit in front of her.

I think we're up to about a seven layer shit cake by now.



(and whoever the FUCK signed me up for daily inspirational emails can eff the eff off.)

Posted by JM at 12:17 PM
Labels: , , ,

34 comments:

  1. Janet Off KilterApril 30, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    I am so very sorry. ((HUGS)) Thinking of you.

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  2. SometimesApril 30, 2012 at 12:29 PM

    oh, honey, i am so so so sorry. and that stupid nurse at a FERTILITY clinic where women go because they actually HATE that test. she should know better. you are a wonderful human for being kind to her despite your sadness.

    i'm glad you've got vacation coming up. and a new house - exciting at least and maybe a good distraction.

    xoxoxoxo

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  3. JennyApril 30, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    I am so effing sorry. :( This just isn't fair. At all. Thank God you have a vacation to look forward to, I hope you are able to enjoy it. Sending many hugs your way.

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  4. Mrs Green GrassApril 30, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    I'm so sorry. It's just not fair! I hope your vacation helps somehow : (.

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  5. AnonymousApril 30, 2012 at 1:03 PM

    I'm so incredibly sorry hon. :-(
    Good thing you're going on a vacation. You deserve it!
    Sending much love your way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ADSchillApril 30, 2012 at 1:03 PM

    Oh hon....I am so F'ing sorry. You deserved a much better result than you got and a more sensative receptionist. I am devastated for you and frankly pissed.
    I have my beta tomorrow and I am shit scared of both outcomes. I wish I could say something to make you feel better - to make it all different.
    I'll be thinking of you tonight and am relieved you have this trip coming up to hopefully bring you a little peace.
    hugs my friend.

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  7. OakApril 30, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Fuck.

    Well, fuck.

    I'm working on something more, hang on, the words will come to me...

    Nope. Just FUCK.

    And of course, I'm sorry.

    But mostly, just FUCK.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JennyApril 30, 2012 at 1:14 PM

    I have nothing to add to the other comments. Just a very sad face.

    :(

    And a hug.

    (((hug)))

    ReplyDelete
  9. JesicaApril 30, 2012 at 1:26 PM

    Sorry to hear this =(

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  10. LizApril 30, 2012 at 2:25 PM

    I'm so sorry Jamie. I really wish you had a different outcome. Glad you have vacation to pick up all the pieces and put yourself back together. A tropical vacation makes a BFN from a FET much more bearable. Try to put it out of your mind abd enjoy yourself as much as possible. Again, I'm so sorry : (

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  11. BUApril 30, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    I agree with Oak. Fuck. So sorry. I know that doesn't help.

    ReplyDelete
  12. waiting and wishingApril 30, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    Effff. I'm so sorry it didn't end up different. Thinking of you.

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  13. The Cornfed FeministApril 30, 2012 at 2:55 PM

    "You must love this test you've had so many!" Are you FUCKING kidding me?!?!?

    This really blows. That vacation is going to be epic in its awesomeness.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Her Royal FabulousnessApril 30, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    fuck, fuck, fuck. Just saw this and your twitter dm. I am so sorry. The vacation will be just what you need! I hope you can drink, relax, and try to put some distance between yourself the the BFN. Sending you so much love.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Mrs. TApril 30, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    I am so sorry. This news is beyond unfair. I hope warm sand and blue skies help to soften this blow, just a little.

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  16. Brave IVF GirlApril 30, 2012 at 5:34 PM

    I'm so sorry. Enjoy the vacation and take care of yourselves.

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  17. JenApril 30, 2012 at 5:38 PM

    Sorry to hear the crappy news :(

    This sucks. No other way around it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. unaffectedApril 30, 2012 at 7:15 PM

    I'm so sorry. And that receptionist sucks a fat one.

    I'm glad you have a vacation later this week. I know exactly how hard it is to get through the week/day/hour/minute when you don't have something to look forward to. Have yourself plenty of tropical drinks, and maybe even sex on the beach (not the tropical drink).

    Thinking of you <3

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  19. AllieApril 30, 2012 at 7:50 PM

    I am devastated for you. This is so wrong and unfair. I am so very sorry. All my love to you and doctor boy.

    ReplyDelete
  20. annieApril 30, 2012 at 9:06 PM

    Fuck and shit. And who DID sign you up for inspirational emails?!? Seriously bad idea.

    ReplyDelete
  21. DandelionBreezeApril 30, 2012 at 9:26 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear your news... thinking of you xo

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  22. CristyApril 30, 2012 at 10:14 PM

    Fuck. There's nothing else to describe how awful this news is. I'm beyond sorry.

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  23. ValerieMay 1, 2012 at 1:11 AM

    I am so heartbroken for you, but also very impressed with your comeback to that lady. I would have gone with the violence.

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  24. UnknownMay 1, 2012 at 5:18 AM

    Just breath, all you can do right now. I pray you find peace, and your baby soon. Hugs !!!!!!

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  25. UnknownMay 1, 2012 at 5:18 AM

    Just breath, all you can do right now. I pray you find peace, and your baby soon. Hugs !!!!!!

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  26. UnknownMay 1, 2012 at 5:19 AM

    Just breath, all you can do right now. I pray you find peace, and your baby soon. Hugs !!!!!!

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  27. AnonymousMay 1, 2012 at 5:56 AM

    I have the same experience with one nurse (the others are great). After our failed ivf I went back in for a uterine biopsy and saline sono and the nurse goes, "Why are you getting this?" Instead of bursting into tears and saying because I can't f'ing get pregnant, I just said "because the doctor recommended it." She's the same nurse that's done many of my day 3 sonos as she complains about her commute and I've just had another failed iui. Sorry about the negative! Im going into my first FET. All I can say is stay strong!!

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  28. CharlotteMay 1, 2012 at 7:00 AM

    Oh dear... I'm so very sorry to hear this news. I'm glad you're going on vacation - keep your chins up, and I'll be thinking of you.

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  29. HeatherMay 1, 2012 at 8:07 AM

    I'm so, so sorry. There is nothing to say other than this sucks. (hugs)

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  30. SunnyMay 1, 2012 at 4:50 PM

    Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. What fucked news. Very very sorry to hear this. And that nurse? Can seriously suck it. I can't believe she's allowed to associate with patients, let alone get PAID for this shit.

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  31. LouMay 1, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    Nooooooooooooooo! I'm so so sorry :P

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  32. Alb MomMay 2, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    I'm so sorry.

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  33. TeamBabyCEOMay 2, 2012 at 11:24 AM

    UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH. I am so sorry. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. EmmsMay 28, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    I'm so sorry, how very heartbreaking. Glad you had a good vacation though!

    ReplyDelete

You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...

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