Thursday, December 1, 2011

It's not all rainbows and unicorn farts (CD10)

The life of an IVF patient is pretty damn glamorous, as you've all realized by now. I mean, we are the center of attention for a hoard of people for damn near two months, we get to take nearly a week off work, we get to use expensive medications... It's awfully fancy-pants.

The not-so-glamorous side, however, includes the shots. The awfully bruising shots because of the baby aspirin you're taking. The Frequent Wandings. The rapidly increasing list of people who've seen your business. (wait, that's celeb-like too. scratch.) The weight gain. The ugly cries.

But you all know about that stuff too. There have been quite a few things that I wasn't prepared for with this IVF business, though. You're about to get a whole heck of a lot more personal with me right now, so step aside if you're not game. These include:

- A mother effing yeast infection. Made possible by the ten-day course of doxycycline I took post-mock-transfer. Common, yes, after coming off of a round of antibiotics, mother effing annoying? Also yes.

- Pee cramps. Every time I pee out some of the daily 100 oz of water I'm trying to drink, my entire abdomen cramps up. I have to stop and start, stop and start, just to allow the rest of my innards to ooze back to where they're supposed to be. Ow.

- The runs. Admittedly, I've been consuming a lot of protein. A lot. And for a girl who just a few months ago added meat back into her diet after 15 years of abstinence, it's been interesting. Lots of belly-gurgling. Which is fun with the pee cramps.o

- The lack-of-runs. I keep going back and forth between not being able to poo and HAVING TO GO NOW. Constipation sucks. Especially at 3am.

-Lafobbing. Otherwise known as sobbing so hard you realize you're ridiculous and start laughing. But you can't stop sobbing either, so you end up with tears and snot streaming down your face and you try not to inhale them during bits of maniacal laughter. This has happened once per day thus far, since about stim day 6.

- Granny panties and Mu mus. You REALLY think you're going to be fitting into your Sevens when you've gained five pounds in as many days, all in your waistline? Think again. Mu mu's are your best friends, and thongs will get more up close and personal with your business than wandy if you attempt to whip them out this time of the month. (unfortunately, this one speaks from experience)

So there you have it. The ugly side of Hollywood IVF. And this is all PRE-retrieval. Super. It's a good thing my boobs are getting (even) bigger, because Dr Boy reads this blog and I'm pretty sure this post is one big ock-block, if yaknowwhatimean.

Anything else you've all experienced that I have to look forward to?
What we've been up to, through today. Friday's dosage is TBD pending the am wanding.
Click to zoom.


  1. HAHAHAHA I'm laughing so hard! Not at your suffering but I've experienced all this too. So I get the insane-ness of it all. For me, add "starving ALL THE TIME" to the mix. I could like eat my face off on the steroid they had me on. However, I'm so grateful that my end result made it all worth it :) Hang in there!

  2. Oh, and the poo'ing issues will only get... Uh, more interesting. After the anesthesia + progesterone.... Good times are ahead my friend!

    Ha! At this point if my husband even looks wrong I spend a few minutes reminding him of what is taking place inside me.... There will be no funny business!

    I hope tomorrow is trigger day- hopefully you'll be getting those eggies out SOON!!

  3. If you think the pee cramps are bad now, you won't like what happens after egg retrieval. I feel like my insides are going to fall into the toilet. LOL! Oh well, it's all worth it, right? ;)

  4. I feel so bad for laughing when you're going through so much discomfort, but I blame it on your way with words. :)

  5. I really needed to giggle at all this today. I prefer to think of it as laughing with you though. Hang in there!

  6. I have had a rough couple of days and your post has me laughing so hard!! All this torture doesn't end for some my last 2 posts if you want to see what can go wrong...don't worry - the baby is doing great despite everything! Good luck with your retrieval - I hope you get a ton of eggs!!

  7. I'm sorry, but this post had me laughing at my desk. I'm sorry about the crappy stuff (pun intended). Hope it's all for a good reason.

  8. I totally lafobbed last night! It's so awesome. And I would recommend getting on miralax or its generic form pre-retrieval. I've only been a donor but remember the fantastic poo build-up I had to deal with on top of a sore tummy. Not fun. Hope everything comes out alright! ;)

  9. Oh wow. I had no idea it is like that. Focus on the fancy pants side of things!!

  10. Haha! I'm laughing my butt off and simultaneously freaked the eff out!

  11. Oh Em Gee, no one told me about the constipation. BOTH retrievals plugged me up good. Be warned. Stool softeners. Stock the eff up.

  12. YUP ! This summed it up pretty good for me to ! Love Love love the soar arsh your get with the POI and at time you wont even be able to sit. Get the injections wrong and youll end up with a welp on half your cheek. Bloat oh yes the bloat was intense. I did find gatoraide and v8 for some reason helped it. Best of luck to you. Im heading out for IVF 2.0 as soon as we heal from a loss.


You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...