Tired of Waiting

I'm so tired.

Tired of waiting.

Tired... of waiting... for yooooooouuuuuuu...

I've had three periods on my own. First was a 47 day cycle. Second was 35 days. Third was 51. Right now, I'm on CD39. Within the window. I'm effing ansy as all hell for this damn CD1. I finally have orders from the new infertility dept and I DON'T want to be out of town for the critical points in this next damned cycle.

Critical Point One: CD 5, 6, 7, or 8- My hysterosalpinogogram (HSG). Can't see a doctor or come up with a plan to beat this damn infertility business until I have one. So I'm antsy.

Critical Point Two: CD 15-20- Possible ovulation dates, according to the last couple of cycles. Last one was on CD 14/15, so I'd really like to NOT be out of town around then.

The problem? I'll be out of town May 19th through 29th. Away from doctors- of the fertility kind as well as the spousal kind. So I'm working with 16 days. Sixteen days between now and my plans being ruined. Aunt Flo? Dear menstrual cycle? Are you there? Are you LISTENING to me? I don't want to waste another cycle. They're almost two months long, for godssake. I know this sounds crazy, but at least PLEASE let me be here to do the HSG.

Please don't judge me for not caring AS MUCH if I'm not here for the bam-chicka-bam-bam part of the equation. I DO want to be here for it. So much so. But I have lost a lot of faith in conceiving without help. And the HSG? It's the next first step towards getting help.

I'm just tired of the hurry up and wait. I really am.

Please.