Mid-Cycle Update

Thanks to everyone stopping by from ICLW! This is my first time around for this and it's so wonderful to read about so many others going through the same struggles. I don't really have any close friends with babies, or who are trying to conceive. I wish I did. It'd be nice to have people to commiserate with IRL. But you guys are pretty awesome too :)

Don't get me wrong- I've got a fantastic support group. Just 'cause my mom or best friend isn't struggling with IF doesn't mean that they aren't amazing. They are. And I wouldn't WANT them to struggle. This whole thing blows more chunks than a pregnant woman in her first trimester. 

And Dr Boy is pretty cool too. He has his moments where it's not as real to him. He doesn't have to pee on a stick half the month to see when the big O is.  He puts up with my hysterical crying spurts when I see Facebook "friends" procreating. (I really need to clean house, like AP over at My Dusty Uterus did/is doing) He deals when I'm moody and a big fat bitch the days I get BFNs. And DB does have a cute butt so that always makes things better. 


So onto IF news, I'm currently still out in the Midwest, sans-Dr Boy. I'm having a blast (maybe I'll tell you what I'm doing out here later), but do feel pretty guilty for potentially being gone when I could be ovulating. It's CD15, and I've been peeing on a stick for the past five days. Nothing yet, which isn't all that unexpected being that the usual is between days 15 and 20. I get home on cd19. (sorry if this is all repeating myself). Dr Boy took care of his, uh, specimen, yesterday. I called to make my first appt now that all the tests are complete, and I'm set for Wed June 15th. I'm a little bummed that it's in three weeks, but it at least (in theory) should be after my next TWW. So that's kinda nice. Hopefully they'll give me provera so I don't have to wait forever for the next cycle to start, and we can get this show on the road. 

Suh-weet!

Alrighty, thanks again for stopping by! Looking forward to seeing all of you around!

How does your garden grow?

I haven't posted photos of the garden that I started in a while, so I thought I'd share. Nothing else is going on right now ;) 

Most of the plants went in on April 22th. If you've haven't been following, that day I planted 6 tomatoes, 2 bell peppers, 1 Anaheim pepper, 1 jalepeno, 2 cantaloupes, 1 watermelon, 1 zucchini, and two basil (purple and sweet). So far, I've only managed to kill one of the cantaloupes, and one tomato. The cantaloupe I am calling more of a "failure to thrive" than my black thumb. It helps me sleep at night. The tomato was one of the two purple tomatoes I got for free from the horticulture dept at the local university. It was pretty tiny and delicate so I'm not too surprised. Again, no lost sleep. 

There's also a strawberry plant in a hanging basket that I planted from a tiny cutting. It's doing pretty well too! I may actually get one or to off of it by the end of the summer. Especially considering there's flowers on it!

I replaced the cantaloupe with a green zebra tomato. I think they're one of my favorite heirlooms. I didn't replace the other purple tomato because I realized I still had 6 tomato plants and only one person in the house who will eat them :) I also added two more basil plants, lemon this time. I am so excited to make mass quantities of pesto this fall, and delicious pasta dishes, and whatever else I can think of. 

I finally put in the tomato cages last week, when the plants actually started to grow. Stupid cool and rainy May.

And now, for your viewing pleasure:

Sorry for the crappy lihting in the pics. I had to catch a flight!

Happy ICLW!

This is my first one, so forgive me if I'm a little jumbled. I'm also busy driving around the Midwest, so I may not be around as much as usual. That said, I'm excited! I can't wait to find more of you out there going through so many of the same things.

If you're new here, check out this post. It explains our journey so far. Not much else has happened so far, other than my HSG two days ago. Good times to be had! It's CD9, and I'm hoping the big O will hold off until after CD16, so I'll be back home. I'm not holding my breath. My cycle hates me. 

Things are pretty much at a standstill until I get back from my Dr Boy-less trip and can see the RE Dept. So...... Yeah. Thanks for reading, and looking forward to meeting everyone! 

My Ute is Cute

So we're all good. Had the HSG this afternoon, and everything went fine. It was definitely an interesting experience though. First, it was like a parade of teenage pregnant women in the waiting room. I'm pretty sure one walked in every five minutes from the time I got there to the time I was called back. Thank you, universe, I appreciate being mocked. 

The procedure itself was a wee bit more painful than I expected. The nurse and the x-ray tech were talking through it, so I didn't really get any explanation of what was going on. First they swabbed by lady bits with beta dyne, which was awfully drippy. At least, I'm hoping it was beta dyne and not uncontrollable leakage. Like I said, the tech wasn't telling me things as they were happening. 

Next, they inserted the speculum, then the long tubey-thingy that injects the dye. The dye itself was clear, just full of heavy metals that he x-ray can see. Then, they injected the dye. 


And I'm pretty sure I experienced a contraction. My ute screamed in so much pain, I seriously wasn't prepared. Clearly things are not supposed to move in that direction in there, because it hurt like a mother effer. Less like cramping, and more like my body trying to curl up into itself. Pretty awesome. Then they tried tonget me to scoot a little on the table, which I COULD NOT DO BC MY UTE WAS EN FUEGO. 

After about twenty seconds or so, things started to get better, and I scooted and rolled onto the proper sides to they could take the pictures. By that time I could breathe again, and got to admire the pictures.  You could see the whole ute, clear as day, along with my tubes. Everything was shaped perfectly, and the dye flowed freely. I passed! 

The pain subsided fairly quickly, and other than feeling like I did more sit ups than I should have, there's no residual pain. Just discharge. Pads are gross. But necessary, at least tonight. 

And, if I do say so myself, my ute is ceeeeyute! Yeah, I know that's weird, but I just got this really warm and fuzzy feeling while I was looking at it. Like, "man, I'm going to have a baby in there." 

One day. And it felt great. 

I'm hungry

But I'm not allowed to eat.

The HSG is in 1 hr and 45 min. They said I couldn't eat for 4 hrs prior. I am nervous. Not of doing it, not of the pain, really. More because I'm afraid the pain afterwards will impair my ability to pack.

Pack, you say? Your flight leaves in 6 1/2 hours and you haven't packed yet? For a 10 day trip?

Yeah, that's how I roll. But the laundry is all done, the kitchen is clean, cookies and chocolate/pb cheerio bars have been made, and cameras have been charged. So that's a win, right? I even have a detailed packing list to go through when I get home so that I don't get all flipped out about the lack of time (and cramping) to get everything done.

I'll let 'cha all know how it goes. I doubt there's anything really wrong with my tubes or ute. Or at least, if there is, it's not the underlying problem. While I'm no RE, I don't think blockages or misshapen uteri prevent you from getting your period for two years without medication. This is just the next step. A required procedure in order to get an appt at the infertility dept. Which I will schedule as soon as I get back.


I did have to say goodbye to Dr Boy this morning when we left for work, as I'll be leaving before he gets home. (My awesome friend N is taking me to the airport. She also makes me run. But not to the airport, thankfully.) I got pretty choked up when we were saying goodbye, which is really like college-me, but hasn't been grown-up me for the last few years. It felt good to feel so emotional over it, which I know sounds weird. A lot of times in the last few years I've just felt numb through situations like that, and it felt so much like the old "me" in a good way that I cried harder.

(An aside: I am a huge X Files fan. At the end of Season Three, where the train car blows up that Mulder is in, I called N in hysterics screaming "He's dead!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's DEAD!!!!!!!!!" That's the kind of emotion I'm used to feeling.)

So Yay Tears. Yay HSG in less than 2 hours. Yay leaving for an awesome trip with grad school friends being a huge geek for the next 10 days.

Boo packing. Boo impending HSG cramps (but yay pain meds that Dr Boy has leftover from his appendectomy if I need them... hehehehe). Boo likely being 1500 miles away from Dr Boy during my next positive OPK.

Ummmmmm yeah. Oh, and if you're reading this, could you kindly "follow" me? I'd love to know who is so that I can do the same. And not feel like I'm talking to myself. Which I do, but I usually leave that for the comfort of my own home.

Guess who doesn't have The Clap?

This girl!

But let me start at the beginning. I went to the lab yesterday to have my two-days-before-HSG-urine-pregnancy-test. Because yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I mean, I just finished my period, and I'm seeing a fertility doctor, but hey! Let's get ANOTHER test that says what we already know. Kindof felt like a slap in the face, but whatever, had to be done. So the phlebotomist (how much fun is that word) saw that there were some blood tests waiting to be done as well, so did I want to take care of them while I was there? I had mentioned that the clinic had wanted them done 8-hrs fasting, but she said that none of the tests were ones that needed fasting for.

So I did them. My veins were uncharacteristically easy to prick (probably b/c of all the water I chugged so that I could pee on command) and the blood was drawn in no time. I would officially like to take this phlebotomist and put her in my pocket so that I have her around next time I need blood drawn. It's usually so bad they just use the back of my hand. So yeah, this was a cake walk.

But I went home and checked paperwork and stuff, and it DOES say to fast before the tests. So now I'm annoyed. I called and left a message for the IF clinic to see what they want me to do, but I have a feeling they'll just send me back tomorrow morning to have the tests done over again. Oy vey. It's my own fault, but still annoying.

On to the syphillis. 

I got an email today saying some of my lab results were in, and the first one I looked at was a test called "TREPONEMA PALLIDUM IGG + IGM". Which apparently is for the clap. Which I don't have- yay me! I'm very amused by these results the fact that I had a test for syphillis.


The second was prolactin (which may be off bc of the fasting deal), but came back at a 5 (standard range says 3-30). The third was TSH, which came back at a 0.11 (standard range 0.1-5.5). 


Right now, I'm on 75mcg synthroid, and 1500mg metformin daily.


So we'll see where we go from here. Aside from to the lab to have the HSG tomorrow afternoon. And probably back to the lab to have the bloodwork re-done.

Any thoughts on the fasting thing? Or helpful HSG hints? Thanks guys!


And now for something completely different. A gratuitous video of the pup.

I love this dog.

The next step

So…. Quite a few developments in the world this week! CD1 arrived a mere few hours after my last post- go figure! I left a message for the IF dept to beg and plead for kindly ask them to schedule the HSG for me next Thurs, even though it’s a little earlier than they like to do them. I never heard back, but it was Friday afternoon so I didn’t stress too much. They got in touch with me yesterday morning, and gave me a tentative thumbs up… I can’t do it if I’m still, umm, messy by Wed night. Plus they didn’t guarantee that the lab would perform a CD6 HSG, but that we might as well call and try. I like that attitude- not limiting yourself because they *might* not do it. I always feel like “you might as well ask,” and I’m glad that was their feeling too! Two MORE phone calls later, I have an appt set up for 1:45pm Thursday. 

Some observations:

- They said no food/drink 4 hrs prior to the procedure. That blows. I was planning on having lunch w/Dr Boy that afternoon, as the procedure was supposed to be done close to where he works, and so I can say goodbye before I leave for the Great Midwestern Adventure. Guess I’ll just be watching him eat, living vicariously through each of his carnivorous bites. 

- They also said to take 800mg motrin/ibuprofen about 1 hr before the procedure. With Food. I’m not sure how this math works. Any ideas?

- I get on a plane bound for the mile high city less than 5 hours after the whole shebang. Am I dumb?

That’s where things stand now. With CD1 on Friday, I get back to Dr Boy on CD17. I usually get a +OPK between CD15-21, so we’ll see what happens with that. I’ll be testing while I’m gone so I at least know. But who knows if I actually even am O-ing, or that the tubes are open, or that I’ve got good lining, or the right hormone balance. Basically, getting a +OPK means nothing to me any more. It’s just more data.

I’m glad things are moving. I’m looking forward to some time off work and my trip. I’m glad I get to have dye injected into my nether regions and pack panty liners so it’s not all eeeew on the trip.


 Any advice from ladies who have had this fantabulous procedure done are wholly welcomed! Thanks!

A (wo)Man with a Plan

Thank you, Kaiser Fertility Dept nurse. We are now friends.

• You didn’t label me “crazy” for calling in crying about how there’s no way I can have an HSG done this cycle because I’ll be out of town during the window of opportunity.

• You wished me a happy vacation and cared enough to ask where I was going even though we’re never met!

• You returned my phone call w/in an hour of me leaving a message.

• You came up with a clear plan of action that makes sense for the constraints we have to work with this cycle.

• You didn’t declare this cycle (which hasn’t started yet but better effing start soon my boobs may fall off otherwise) a FAILURE BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS even though you easily could have.

• You had a nice voice.

So yeah, CD48 CD49 (thank you stupid blogger meltdown yesterday) here. I must be a champ at producing whatever hormone causes luteal phase boob-age pain ‘cause MAN! Wowsers. (anyone know who I can blame for this?) I leave for the Continental Divide and Great Mid-West in one week. So I can’t have my darned HSG done. Reproductive Fail.

The nurse, however, was super helpful and made me feel better. She suggested I go in for the bloodwork they ordered in the next few days, preferably on the first day of my period when it does come but at the very least before I leave. Have Dr Boy go in* for his SA while I’m gone because Hey! Three days w/o hanky panky will be easy peasy then! (in theory, of course, if it’s not, we have bigger problems than the ‘ol baby makin’) Call them the day I get back (Memorial Day which they are OPEN for, another plus in the I love them column) and let them know what CD I’m on and we’ll come up with a plan for this cycle then. She even said (gasp!) that they might go ahead and do an IUI this cycle!!! Holy crapballs I’m excited. Finally DOING SOMETHING THAT MIGHT PRODUCE A BAYBEEEEEE. There’s no guarantee the Dr will do anything like that w/o the HSG results, but they should at least SEE me which they wouldn’t have otherwise.

So, yeah. I am happy. I kinda want AF to wait a few more days now (boob pain and all) so I’ll be back for the big ovulating show! I know I thought this cycle was a wash, but the hope that maybe it’s not, that maybe I won’t have to sit though another POINTLESS 50 day cycle is incredibly hopeful. And I have needed a big fatty dose of hope recently. Real Bad.

*Dr Boy works at (duh!) a hospital. Does he
a) produce his sample at home and bring it in, running the risk of things dying on the commute
-OR-
b) produce his sample in his office with a locked door, turning it in a mere few minutes after the deed has been done.

Answers please!!! A) May be a bad sample, but B) may be too creepy. He’s a pediatrician for godssake.


**forgive the weird font-age going on, i have no idea how to fix it thx.

Exhaustion, and Goodbye to the Bitterness

I have no idea why, but I have been absolutely, positively, fall-asleep-in-the-middle-of-a-conversation tired. I get home from work, futz around a bit, and at 6 o'clock? BAM! OK let's be honest it's more like 4pm. And even while I'm still AT work I'm exhausted. I'm not preggo, I'm not sick, I get 7 hrs of sleep. It blows.

Ooooh, to add to the "can't keep eyes open" problem, yesterday I opened the oven while baking some homemade pizza, and smoke got in my eyes and I LITERALLY couldn't keep them open for more than 10 seconds or so. I rock. Dr Boy loved his pizza though. I burned mine. Then my eyes.

-------------------------------------------

I've been throwing around the idea of doing some sort of snarky anti-Mother's Day FB status message. You know, to combat those self-important "I've been poo-ed on and my boobs are life-giving nuggets of gold and my womb may as well been touched by an angel and i fart unicorn dust" posts that pop up around this time of year? I am quite the sarcastic (often to the point of biting) person so it'd be strait up my alley. I've been fraught with feelings of anger towards fertiles lately. The many baby announcements that pooppop up every which way you look make my heart ache. It's been 29 months (coincidentally the same # of years I've been alive) since we went off BC and started trying, so aren't I entitled to a little heartache about my IF? A snarky status message would really stick it to those pesky fertiles, those that look at you empatheticaly and offer up the not-quite-consoling "At least it's fun trying!"

I decided against it though. I've decided I'm not going to be that person.

I don't want to become that bitter-at-the-world person. I'm going to take a deep breath each time and celebrate the miracle of life. Even if it was an "accident". Or the "first time we tried". That's the same end I'm trying to work towards, right? How hypocritical of me to condemn those that ARE able to conceive easily? I don't want others to have to go through this roller coaster of emotions. I haven't hit the stage of thousands of pills, injections, dr visits, and the rest, but I don't wish that on ANYONE.

I still claim the right to be jealous. But I actively, from here on out, will fight against the urge to be bitter.

----------------------------------------------------

One of the bitterness-distraction techniques I employ- looking at key-yute kitten photos.

(In this case, BP stands for Bitter People)

Tired of Waiting

I'm so tired.

Tired of waiting.

Tired... of waiting... for yooooooouuuuuuu...

I've had three periods on my own. First was a 47 day cycle. Second was 35 days. Third was 51. Right now, I'm on CD39. Within the window. I'm effing ansy as all hell for this damn CD1. I finally have orders from the new infertility dept and I DON'T want to be out of town for the critical points in this next damned cycle.

Critical Point One: CD 5, 6, 7, or 8- My hysterosalpinogogram (HSG). Can't see a doctor or come up with a plan to beat this damn infertility business until I have one. So I'm antsy.

Critical Point Two: CD 15-20- Possible ovulation dates, according to the last couple of cycles. Last one was on CD 14/15, so I'd really like to NOT be out of town around then.

The problem? I'll be out of town May 19th through 29th. Away from doctors- of the fertility kind as well as the spousal kind. So I'm working with 16 days. Sixteen days between now and my plans being ruined. Aunt Flo? Dear menstrual cycle? Are you there? Are you LISTENING to me? I don't want to waste another cycle. They're almost two months long, for godssake. I know this sounds crazy, but at least PLEASE let me be here to do the HSG.

Please don't judge me for not caring AS MUCH if I'm not here for the bam-chicka-bam-bam part of the equation. I DO want to be here for it. So much so. But I have lost a lot of faith in conceiving without help. And the HSG? It's the next first step towards getting help.

I'm just tired of the hurry up and wait. I really am.

Please.