I'm really just tired of this. My sixth (fifth? seventh? who knows?) beta came back at 22 today. I don't know for sure, but I don't think this is low enough for me to start BCP for our next FET. And it certainly doesn't mean that good 'ol flow has left the building, or that her besties crampy and bitchy have flown the coop. Today is day 8 of my period- never in my life has it lasted this long. And it's still full on- not crappy annoying spotting.
For anyone that's had a chemical- how long did your withdrawal bleed from progesterone last (or your period if you weren't on supplemental meds)? Because this is effing ridic.
Also ridic? It's been 12 effing days since I stopped progesterone and estradiol. 12 days ago, my beta was 50. Seven days ago, it was 44. Today, 22. Why. So. Damn. Long. To. Drop????
I'm sorry I keep complaining about this whole deal, but I just don't feel like I can move on, and my body is fully supporting that situation. And we're running out of time to fit another FET in before our vaca in May. It's like I'm stuck on this hamster wheel and can't quite make it stop spinning.
I know I said I wanted to be pregnant by the time I turned 30 (which is tomorrow), but I clearly should have been more direct in that wish. You would have thought I learned my lesson when I wasn't clear enough with Santa. What I should have said was that I wanted to be pregnant with my take-home-baby by the time I turned 30.
Not biochemically pregnant and waiting for my HCG to drop back to "not pregnant" levels. Definitely not that.
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I'm sorry. :( For both my miscarriages (not chemicals, but still), it took forever for my betas to drop below 5, and the last little bit seemed the slowest. Like, similar to your numbers. It's excruciating. I hope it finishes dropping so you can fit in your FET!
ReplyDeleteSorry your beta isn't dropping faster. For my miscarriage, not chemical, but I figure any info will help you right now, bleeding lasted for a full 2 weeks. I hope yours stops sooner than that and you can move on!
ReplyDeleteUgh....so annoying. The lower your betas become the slower they start to decrease. It makes zero sense, but its the truth. Mine dropped like crazy initially and then took 3 weeks to drop from 15ish to less than 5. Ridiculous!! So sorry you have to struggle with this. It's the shit icing on the diarrhea cake. BOO
ReplyDeleteI wish i had something helpful to tell you. I guess your body will be ready when it's ready. It sucks when your body and your brain aren't in sync. I have been dealing with that for a few months now.
ReplyDeleteSorry love.
You have every right to complain and I will just keep on listening. It's fucking ridiculous that you are going through this and I hope you just keep letting it out! I never had supplemental meds but every time I miscarried it lasted 8-10 days and was heavy, gross and painful. It sucks balls. I'm so sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteDon't apologize for complaining! The beta rollercoaster is a nightmare and I'm so very sorry you're still on it. I don't know what to tell you (I have a D&C after my miscarriage, so all fetal tissue was removed) other than sometimes this takes longer. That said, I would ask your RE it there is a way to speed this along. Misoprostol comes to mind, but I'm not an MD so talk with them. Hope the bleeding stops soon.
ReplyDeleteBeta hell... It sucks! Hopefully your HCG will bottom out soon, and you can start thinking about the future. If I remember correctly, with my chemical/miscarriage I bled for 7ish days. I hope it is over for you soon. I know I felt a lot better once I could at least move on from the physical portion of things.
ReplyDeleteI had both an early natural miscarriage (six weeks) and it took my beta a MONTH to drop from the 3,000 or so it started at down to zero. The last two weeks were the longest -- from 20 to 15 to zero. Ugh. My chemical was already dropping by the time I got beta #1 (which was just 14.5) and it was at zero two days later. With miscarriage #1, I bled for two weeks straight. With my chemical (#3), I had a normal period (just later than usual). Interestingly enough, it was the D&C that effed my body up the most -- I bled for a week, every two weeks, for three months after that one.
ReplyDeleteAll of that rambly nonsense just to say: I hear you. It sucks. And I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially with such a milestone birthday looming (30 was really hard for me, too).
Sending you love and beta-dropping vibes and hoping your next blood draw brings good news.
Hugs,
Jo
Sorry I don't have any advice about how long the bleeding should last, but I hope your levels drop fast and soon. Hang in there ~
ReplyDeleteThe end is the worst. Mine only dropped a little bit from Monday-Thursday and still wasn''t at zero. The end is the most frustrating part. It seems like it shouldn't be much longer since they never got that high. Hoping the bleeding stops soon and that you can move on.
ReplyDeleteIt took 9 WEEKS for my MC to drop to negative:( my doc kept saying it normally takes 3-5 wks and I was some sort of weird case. Figures. It was terrible, I took 7 tests before they deyermined it was ectopic, then after my lap, took 9 tests waiting for it to be negative. So so darn frustrating. I too felt like I couldn't move on and my emotions were very crazy. I was quite depressed. Finally got down to neg.. And now in my 2ww to find out if my FET worked or not. But unlike the fresh ivf cycle, we skipped bcps and just went straight into estradiol and then crinone before transfer. Was only about 2-3 wks after my first day of period after neg beta. I wish you luck for a quick turn around. I have enjoyed reading your blog. In so many ways it helps me being a reader since I don't write myself. Makes me feel like part of a close circle of friends who really get the pain of infertility and say the right things when everyone else says the wrongs things. Thanks for being so real and honest. I'm praying and hoping for you;)
ReplyDeleteWhat a roller coaster, I'm sorry this ride sucks so much.
ReplyDeleteMy chemical pregnancy was truly a nightmare because it felt like it would never end. I can say that up to five weeks later I was still having positive pregnancy test (I was trying to have a simple surgery in the meantime and couldn't because of those positives). I want to say that it took seven weeks to become negative.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you have to go through this because it is a truly terrible experience. It's even worse when you have to explain a "chemical" pregnancy to someone because they will say, "Well, you weren't really pregnant." It's a very very difficult situation and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
If I could offer one piece of advice (and I have no business doing so; feel free to tell me to step off) - try to stop thinking in terms of time goals or limits or expectations. Mine never happened when I thought it would or hoped it would. In fact, one of the times it looked the worst produced the best results.
Try to stay positive. I know that's so very hard. I'm always here for you and thinking about you.
What a pain in the ass - I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you want to be totally negative about the whole thing that's fine by me (because that's what I would be doing).
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through... one of my chemical pregnancies was followed by a short bleed and another by a longer bleed... I think is can be pretty variable. Hope yours is short and that you can get onto your next cycle soon. My heart goes out to you. I still have my private blog via newyearmum2.blogspot.com... but I've been having trouble with access recently, so if you'd like another access link please email me via newyearmum@gmail.com. Love always and will be cycling with you via Cyclesistas xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou go right on ahead and vent...don't apologize, thats what a blog is for :) BTW- nice to "meet" you. I'm here for ICLW.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I can't imagine how frustrating that is. Santa hasn't been coming through as of late. Old man is losing his touch. I hope your next FET goes better.
ReplyDeleteICLW #61
Dropping by with ICLW - I hope you had a great birthday. I also hope things are going better now since your last post. Best wishes to you...
ReplyDelete