....A healthy dose of "Am I being melodramatic?"
Sometimes, OK, most of the time, I really feel like the answer to that one is a resounding HELL YES. Woe is NOT me. There are way worse things in the world going on than this, and I should be thankful that this is my biggest problem. Or some psychobabble like that.
My second huge bout of batshit crazy is feeling like I'm taking this all way too seriously. Like, I'm still in my 20s (though there's no chance of having a full-term, or even viable at this point, baby while still in my 20s). We don't suffer from any male-factor issues. We've only had ONE failed injectables cycle, and one that isn't really getting off the ground. And even THIS one isn't completely over yet, I'm just flipping out because it's not moving at the time-table that Dr K prefers.
What I mean is, have we given this enough of a chance? Is my ansy-pants neurotic brain giving up too quickly? Am I rushing this process simply because IVF is a completely viable option for us?
Let's recap my batshit craziness.
1. Even though I'm not morally or religiously against it, I can't help but think that IVF is going to make a mutant Dr Boy/Weather Girl hybrid child that will grow up to destroy the universe. Even though it won't do that for anyone else that uses it to get their baby.
2. Am I rushing this process and not giving injectables enough rounds to fight it out?
Ooooh... and one of my favorites that I haven't expanding upon yet...
3. Am I destined to require IVF to make me all of my babies? Because I want three, 'yall. At least two, but I think I'd rather populate the world with three mini-Meier's. You'll thank me later, unless they're universe-destroying hybrids.
4. What about FET's? Aren't those basically the embryo's that weren't good enough to make the first cut? Are my second and third kids destined to never live up to the first-born, because they were of diminished quality to begin with?
I am so mentally effed up right now. The biggest batshit crazy worry I have right now is #2- Are we giving this enough of a try? And even if we're not, does that really matter? Is it worth going through this mental mind-eff any more months than we have to just to maybe have an IUI work? Is it worth the $$ cost of IVF just to be less mentally effed up and more physically knocked up?
I just don't know.
(Also, a big warm welcome to all of you heading over here from ICLW! Thanks for stopping by, and I hope the mid-cycle crisis you're finding me in this week doesn't scare you away. If anything, it should make you feel better for not being as certifiable as yours-truly! I realized that in my three-word descriptors, I used "keeping sane-ish" as one. Clearly that's not happening so sorry for the mis-label!)