Wednesday, July 20, 2011

No Longer Confused, just depressed.

And it's over.

I called the RE yesterday thanks to all of your advice, and the nurse said that they usually won't even do an IUI past 20 or 21 days unless the follie looks really good. Which promptly sent me into hysterics in my cubicle at work. Fun. My co-workers must think I'm a crazy person. (side-note: are they really so wrong? prolly not.) She said we can either wait for me to cycle out on my own or blah blah blah blah. To be honest, I kindof tuned the rest out. I did ask if it was worth it to come in and u/s my lady bits to see if maybe I missed the big o somehow, or maybe had a bad batch of opks (lies I tell myself to keep from admitting my ovaries failed me), so we made the appt for that afternoon.

I still had to make it through four hours of work by that point, but did somehow. Not that I was all that productive. The ultrasound showed the same thing as the OPKs. No dominant follicle(s), no corpus luteum indicating I had just missed the +, no apparent response to the clomid whatsoever. Ovaries looked exactly the same as they did on my pre-CD1 scan about four weeks ago.On a happy note, I did have a lovely 7mm uterine lining built up. Looks like the clomid didn't negatively affect that. Oh wait, it didn't affect anything. Except my hot flashes and migraines. Which came back the last two nights. Eff.

Attempted IUI #1 is a no go. Nothing to fertilize! The guy doing the u/s wasn't my regular doc, but he said that he wouldn't be surprised if they had me move on to a "mixed cycle" next time around. I'm not sure what all that entails, just that I'll probably have to shoot myself up with something. I don't have a problem with the mechanics of that, more so with the circumstance. Injectables make this whole IF thing seem much more real. Like I'm really part of "the club" now. I had always kindof felt like a "fake" infertile, since we hadn't gone through hoards of treatment yet. Shooting yourself up, though, qualifies. In my effed up brain, at least. Hence the utter meltdown I had last night. And better half three-quarters of a bottle of wine. It was delicious. And mind-numbing. Which helped, bc Dr Boy didn't get home until 10:30 last night. Bad timing. Pity, Party of One? Your table is ready!

As if I weren't a big enough glutton for punishment, I still used my OPK this morning. Even less negative than the last few mornings. Surprise surprise.

Long story short, I have an appt with my RE Friday afternoon to go over my results (I also did a progesterone blood test yesterday, again, just to see). And to make a plan for the next cycle. Does this count as a WTF appt? I am so ready to start the ten days of provera doom and get this next ball rolling. Because that's the only way I can deal with it.

What was it that Dory (Finding Nemo) said? Just keep swimming swimming swimming swimming....


  1. Well, shit. (Sorry, sometimes curse words are the only ones that are adequate at times like this.) I'm really sorry the clomid didn't work for you. :(

    Do you know if your RE prescribes Femara? I know that a lot of PCOSers who didn't respond to clomid have had success with Femara. And it doesn't require nasty injections. It might be something to ask about.

    Good luck at your appointment. I hope your doctor can work out a protocol that works for you.

  2. So sorry honey! I would definitely ask about Femara if you want to hold off a bit on the mixed cycle. Femara is cheaper and my insurnace covered it even though it doesn't cover IF stuff at all.

    I'll be thinking of you on Friday!!!

  3. Ah hell. It sucks to be out before you even get in (does that make sense?) I'm sorry you had to deal with all the suspense to only get a really crappy ending.

  4. I'm so sorry. I had a negative response to my first 3 Clomid cycles and it SUCKED!!!

    I hope your next cycle works out.

  5. That sucks! I didn't respond to clomid, but I seem to be doing good on femara (with less/better side effects). I'm sorry to hear about this!

  6. I'm so sorry hon! :-(
    I hope you WTF appointment brings some renewed energy and hope!

  7. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the frustration/disappointment/sadness. I hope your next appointment brings you some answers and next steps. I took Letrozole/Femara as that supposedly has fewer side effects for this IUI (my first). Maybe ask about if it is something you can try?

  8. I'm sorry the Clomid didn't do it's job :( I think I'll be in the same boat with you as I'm on CD20 and still haven't O'd yet. So, make that a pity party for 2 instead please!


You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...