Thursday, June 9, 2011

One of those days

It all started with a rash.

Mmmm hmmm, a rash. Tues night I noticed that my right ear was itchy, and by Wed, the whole back-side of it was rashy and itchy and warm. I tried to get a dr appt for that day, but no luck. Had to wait until this afternoon. Whatever. Went in today because it's pretty much completely covering my ear and is slowly making its way down my neck. Super duper sexy. Either Dr Boy learned some fantabulous lying skills over the last few months, or it really isn't noticeable. Just itchy. As as hell. Turns out it's just a run-of-the-mill case of eczema brought on by some sort of seasonal allergy (which I have never had before).

There are four ways I see our romantic anniversary weekend in Napa going.

1. Me: "Oh honey, whisper sweet nothings in my ear..."
Dr Boy: "I am, you just can't hear me through the steroid cream."

2. Dr Boy: "I love nuzzling your ear. Steroid cream is SUCH an aphrodisiac."

3. Me: "Hey cutie, do you think steroid cream is more effective than PreSeed?"
Dr Boy: "I was wondering if it'll give the sperm 'roid rage..."

4. Ignore my ears and neck the whole weekend until the rash goes away and I no longer smell like steroid cream.

I have a feeling the choice will be obvious.

While at the office though, I turned into a hormonal lump and proceeded to lose my shit over a silly little brochure on the wall while I waited for the dr to come see me.

This little gem was starting me in the face, asking me in the bitchiest sarcastic tone (trust me, I KNOW a sarcastic pamphlet when I see one), "So, gonna get preggo or not? What's it gonna be? Hurry the hell up!" All of the this-cycle-is-pointless thoughts came flooding out in the form of torrential tears. It's day 9 of the TWW, and the only "symptoms" I can come up with are the irrational losing of one's shit over a stupid pamphlet on the wall. My stomach's a little crampy, but there's been no implantation bleeding, no nausea, no tiredness other than the usual, no nada. Is my new rash a pregnancy symptom?

Of course, it's only DAY FREAKIN' NINE what the hell symptoms could you possibly have, but still. Irrationality knows no bounds.

I stopped crying before the dr came in thank god. I very nearly lost it again when she asked me about the fact that there was no birth control listed on my chart. I told her we're actively seeking pregnancy and have been for 2 1/2 years. First, she asked me if I knew how (again with the How question, kills me every time). Second, she tried to hand me that pamphlet. I recoiled as if it were a venomous snake. Sorry doc, I'm pretty sure I know a hell of a lot more than is in that darned pamphlet. But thanks for the concern.

I am scared though. Is there a pregnancy in my future? Someday? Will I be able to handle that if there's not? Will my family? I'm the only hope for a bio grandchild for my parents. Bio grandkids and bio kids aren't a HUGE deal to me, it's more the whole getting to carry a child in my womb thing. The whole being able to actually MAKE a baby. The possibility that that's not going to happen for me is what I really lost my shit over. I know we'll be parents, one way or another. I just really, really, would like it to be this way, at least first.

So that's the story of how my rashy ear caused me to lose my shit over a freakin' pamphlet. I'm good at crying, at least that's something I can relate to with my future baby!

We leave for the weekend in Napa tomorrow after work. Here's to hoping I'm not as big of an emotional mess there!

Fat chance.

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