Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Nopesicle. (7dp6dt, beta day)

I peed on the Rolls Royce this morning, the First Response Early Result, just like yesterday, and surprise surprise, ended up with the same result.

Still negative. Had my blood draw.

Beta less than 5. Not pregnant. Not a chemical. Not anything but an empty uterus.

My totsicles had been given highest marks. Again.
My transfer went perfectly. Again.
I followed all post-care instructions to a T. Again.
My body failed us. Again.


We've transferred four perfect embies. Our cycles have been textbook perfect. The *only* fly in the ointment this time was a lining of only 7.2-7.9mm, which is still in the ok range but on the low side. Not so much that it should have been an issue.

At what point do you start wondering "It's not you, embryo's, it's me."? How does this happen? When do you ask, "Huh, this really should be working, why isn't it?"

Can we really just be THIS unlucky twice for no good reason? I need a reason.

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PS- I get to keep taking my meds until a repeat beta on Friday. Just to confirm for sure. Fuckin' A.

PPS- Don't tell me to hold out hope until Friday. Seriously.

25 comments:

  1. I've be hoping all day that the results would be different, I'm so sorry to hear they aren't. Thinking of you, my friend.

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  2. I'm sorry this wasn't the cycle. It's such an enormous letdown.

    The way I think about it, when I'm feeling rational, is that it's a roll of the dice each time. If there's a 60% chance of getting pregnant each time, then most people will get pregnant in one or two tries, but 16% of people won't. Without any other reason than bad luck.

    That said, have you investigated other possible reasons? Immunological issues come to mind, since that's what explained my previously unexplained infertility. I never got pregnant until doing IVF with immunological treatment, and then lost two pregnancies due to chromosomal abnormalities. So I know I can get pregnant with proper treatment, but have now had 2 transfers result in no pregnancy, even though the last one was of a genetically perfect, 5AA expanded blastocyst.) And I definitely understand the feeling that your body failed you - been there...

    I'm sorry your clinic doesn't let you go off meds until the second beta - that's just sadistic.

    Take care of yourself and Dr Boy.

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  3. SUCK! More bad news...I'm sorry. Really really sorry.

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  4. oh, i am so, so sorry! i hope that you can get in for your wtf and get some answers soon.

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  5. Oh no - I was thinking of you all day. I am so sorry to hear this and I hope you will be good to yourself while you recover from this setback. You are strong!

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  6. This is total crap. I'm so sorry this happened again. Hopefully during your WTF appointment your doctor can she some light on what is going on.

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  7. If you will pardon my french ( I don't know you well enough yet to know if this will offend, but I hope it doesn't): FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I hate no answers almost as much as I hate negative results.

    I am so very sorry.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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  8. Oh, I am so so so so so sorry. I am recovering from bad news from my beta on Monday, except that I don't have the heartache of having to go back for a second beta. I know you don't want us to say "hope" for Friday, so I won't. I know you want to move past this. I wish you didn't have to. I wish you could have been told the news you so desperately wanted to hear. There is NOTHING fair about this bullshit process.

    My heart is breaking for you.

    xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  9. There are no words. I know how much this sucks. IF can kiss our asses. I'm so sorry girl. Big hugs.

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  10. Damnit. Shitballs. I was holding out so much hope for you. Fucksacks. Ugh.

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  11. This just sucks! I'm so sorry

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  12. God effing dammit. I am so sorry. This is such crap and I hate you have to go for a second beta and stay on your meds til Friday. I really hope your wtf appt at least gives some new angle on your next FET so you can find hope again. This sucks so, so much and it is so unfair. I am kicking infertility in the balls right now in your honor.

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  13. Sucks. That's all. It sucks. I'm sorry.

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  14. DAMN IT! So sorry. Not sure what else to say. My heart breaks for you both. :(

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  15. *hugs* I know that exact feeling! We had 2 fresh IVF and 2 FET transfers all good (maybe not top quality, but decent enough) and none of them worked! Hubby's sperm were perfect every time, so it had to be me! My body was a hostile environment that was killing our embryos. And then came our 3rd IVF and I was so not positive about it and felt nothing even up to the day I could test. Guess what?! I worked! It sure took ages, but sometimes it really does work.
    DO NOT give up hope for you to get pregnant someday! It might not be this cycle, but it still can happen.
    Thinking of you.

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  16. I'm so sorry. It's so unfair when you do all the right things and still get the same, crappy result. ((hugs))

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  17. Shit, I'm sorry to hear this. I haven't found any words that help at all. You'll be in my thoughts.

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  18. I'm so sorry. I echo every profanity that has been said about this.

    *hugs*

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  19. This thought always makes me feel better before it makes me feel worse and since you'll be experience the worse anyway, I might as well give you a second of better:
    It can take a perfectly normal fertile couple 6-12 months to get pregnant, for whatever reason. IVF gives you the same (slightly better) shot as a fertile couple. (Here's the part that sucks balls) So it might take 6-12 transfers to get there.

    Hmmm. Did I just make it way worse? Fuck. Sorry! I hope it at least puts it in perspective? Even if it's shitty perspective.

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  20. I'm sorry. It really sucks and is unfair that your perfect embryos have been such little assholes. I'm hopeful there are some good ones in that batch! Give yourself time to be pissed and sad, but I know you are strong and will come back ready to kick infertility's ass!

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You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...