I had been having some serious anxiety this week about the "delayed" ultrasound, so I sucked it up and emailed my doctor about coming in on the originally intended date- Friday the 13th. Because he's awesome, he said yes! Whoop! At that point, though, I felt so tremendously guilty about going over the nurse's head that I couldn't bring my sissy ass to call and schedule it, so I did what any self-respecting, strong, independent woman would do.
I made my husband call :) Between that and the foot rubs? He's a keeper! My first ultrasound is now scheduled for Friday the 13th at 7am pdt.
This is all a VERY good thing, because my beta today threw things up in the air again. Good things, but things nonetheless. It came back at 1845 (doubling time 38 hours)- now a bit above the twin average, both for actual betas and doubling time, according to Betabase.
Beta One (8dp5dt or 13dpo): 80
Beta Two (10dp5dt or 15dpo): 202
Beta Three (15dp5dt or 20dpo or 4w6d): 1,845
It's not that I wasn't grateful- seriously, I am astounded to be where I am right now, incredibly grateful, and so happy to be enjoying each and every day that I can call myself pregnant. I've never been able to do that before, and will cherish it as much as possible. What was getting me down was the loss of another embryo. I know it is all still hypothetical until the u/s (and birth, really), but I was feeling a lot of sadness that yet another little piece of Dr Boy and myself had pooped out. That I had failed it. I have so much sadness in me for all of the embies that didn't make it, and having yet another to add to that list made me pretty upset.
Like I said, half of you are pissed off at me now, and I get that. I'd be pissed of at me too if the roles were reversed. But, it's how I was/am(?) feeling, so I wanted to get it down. Because I think it's ok to be sad for what we've lost AND be thrilled and grateful for what we have. Both, at the same time, and neither one diminishes the other.
So yeah. I'm trying not to get my hopes up for *anything* in particular, just an intrauterine pregnancy that looks on track one week from now. And for you all to understand and not call me a selfish ingrate.
(oh and remind me to tell you soon about how I swear I'm developing late-onset mild OHSS, if that's even frickin' possible)