- I may have been unclear in my previous post- I'm not necessarily hoping for a twin pregnancy. I'm merely sad for an embryo that may or not have made it, like the last six we've transferred, and the twenty or so that weren't deemed "transfer quality." It truly, truly breaks my heart that we've lost so many in our battle so far. Emily wrote about something related once, about wondering "what could have been" with embryos that don't fit the criteria for transfer. All I want is a drama-free, healthy pregnancy with (a) healthy (child) children to take home at the end of this. OBVIOUSLY. I'm still just sad for what we've lost along the way.
- This also makes me extremely anxious about the quality of the REST of our frozen six. Yes, I know, cart before the horse BIG TIME. But yeah, as far as we know, we're 1 for 7, transfer-wise. Ugh. Yes, the ONE is what counts, but I'd like more children down the road. So yeah. Just have lots fluttering through my brain.
- Pregnancy-wise (really? me? i must be talking about someone else), the only issues have been with fatigue so far. I know it's SUPER early (I'm 5w1d today!), so not much to expect. My witching hours seem to fall between 3pm-8pm, where if I don't get a nap, I'm mega-bitch. I'm also still having the issues with mega bloat and discomfort, worst in the evenings. The muscles just below my ribcage are ridic sore, and I can't arch my back to stretch without pain. I'm curious to see how big my ovaries are when we have our Friday u/s.
- Someone not being willing to take on the same risks are others are does not make them an asshat. Or wrong. Or immoral. Risk-taking is a personal decision. And last I checked, it's a woman's right to chose what she does with her body- and noone else's. We all have different opinions on what is safest for ourselves and families, and we're allowed to act accordingly. Noone should be forced into a situation they are not comfortable with and unprepared for. Period. I know these are highly emotional situations, but please just respect what others are going through. And gah. Over it.
- I'm sure I've alienating myself from pretty much every non-pregnant/parenting reader with all my bitching and moaning, but seriously, pregnancy after IF is hard stuff. And I don't even feel right calling myself pregnant yet, because I don't feel like I'm anything more than uncomfy after retrieval and that someone else's pee and blood managed to make their way into my tests. Maybe on Friday things will feel different. Hopefully there's something to even feel different about.
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Amen Sista! I didn't have to go through IVF, but even the decisions we have had to make with quads are difficult. How could someone choose which children to "reduce"? I am constantly being berated with "don't you know how dangerous it is to carry quads?" Uh, no, really? Dangerous? You don't say! People need to butt out and mind their business. Sorry for the mini-vent!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your U/S on Friday! I can't wait to hear how it goes!
Just to be clear- my statement was intended to voice support for those that DO choose to reduce. A quote has been floating around the twitters today: "Reproductive choice means choice in ALL decisions...not just those you agree with." I believe this wholeheartedly.
DeleteI'm just so happy for you and can't wait to hear how your ultrasound goes.
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant after infertility is indeed very difficult. I know pregnancy for anyone has it's moments, but there is something truly heartpounding for us IFers. The emotions involved are intense. It also takes a long time to feel pregnant. I think my feelings about this new baby changed at about 12 weeks. We are too involved and know too much. That can work against us.
Just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy this time when you can.
You need to march in a women's lib parade NOW. Love it!
ReplyDeleteBURN THE BRA'S!!!! (except when your ta ta's really hurt because of all the progesterone floating around your system- then KEEP THE BRA'S!!!)
DeleteI'm still reading (as a non pregnant infertile)! It makes me so happy to see you have luck after so many failed transfers. If it wasn't for people like you, I'm not sure how else I could go forward with a third IVF! We've also gone through 6 embryos so far (2 IVFs and 1 FET - 2 embryos every time) and reading your story and ones like it make me hopeful that we just need one good embryo (a few good ones for later wouldn't hurt either)! Best of luck! ~DR
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know I'm still keeping tabs on you and can't wait to hear how your u/s goes Friday. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for great news! And I understand what you mean about mourning the ones that didn't make it. That would be hard, and I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through IVF can really understand what that's like.
ReplyDeleteI get the worrying about other embryos - especially after so many lost. We transferred 9 before we finally got pregnant! Gross. My thought is (and feel free to share me on this) that the embryos from my past cycle(s) were shit. And these ones are great! Meaning all transfers from this cycle will be successful :).
ReplyDeleteI truly understand the worrying about embryos. In our most recent cycle we had 17 and only ended with 8. I was really hurting for all the ones that didn't make it. And all the ones from our previous cycles that didn't make it, heck even for the one from this transfer that didn't make it (we transferred 2 and though my doubling time was like 34hrs u/s showed only one little nugget). Throughout this process you get so attached to every inch of it all. Having been through a third trimester loss I know I'm not out of the woods but I keep holding on to hope that this time is the time.
ReplyDeleteI worry a lot about what we have frozen as well because what we transferred was the best of the best but that's been done before and resulted in failure and what's left isn't of great quality. I so understand all of your worrying.
Re: complaining... how does the quote go? If you don't have anything nice to say, then come sit by me!
ReplyDeleteSo I'm awful at quotes like that- are you commiserating or telling me to quit my bitching? Because yeah, I know I need to :(
DeleteI was so excited to see that you finally had success!!!! And I totally get the peeing on a million pregnancy tests. My husband had to take them away from me when I was 6 weeks along!
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant after IF is not easy. I told myself when I made it to the 12 week mark I would finally be able to relax and enjoy myself. And it did get better, but then I started worrying about new things. I told myself 20 weeks (half way) and knowing what the babies were would help me relax because until that moment I didn't let one single baby item cross my threshold. I was afraid I would jinx myself. Then I was worried about reaching viability. What I have come to realize is that I don't think I am ever going to relax. Now I worry about if I eating enough, are they moving enough and growing properly.
My best advice is to take it as it comes and enjoy it. Once you start reading websites, blogs or books...everyone's answer is "every pregnancy is different"! So don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you are feeling. It's your party complain if you want to!!!