Friday, October 26, 2012

It's so hard (blah blah blah)

I've come to realize that one of the reasons I've been avoiding this space is guilt. Guilt over this pregnancy, over making it, complication free, as far as we have, when so many others have not. I've read so many times this exact kind of post from a newly pregnant IF blogger, and rolled my eyes at the "It's so hard to be pregnant finally wah wah woe is me" platitudes. I can't help it, I'm snarky, and it just comes so *easily* to me. (shocker, I know)

But now that I'm here, I feel a lot of those same things. I want to talk ad naseum about the mini, post pictures, record symptoms, talk about plans. I can't help it. It's where I am right now. Which has made me think a lot about this blog, which has thus far been an infertility blog with random bits of outside life thrown in. Mostly? I don't want to feel ashamed to talk about something I am incredibly grateful to have achieved, and am thrilled to be experiencing.

What I've ultimately decided is that this is where I *want* to record all of that- bump pics, ultrasounds, nursery plans, cloth diapering, and hopefully? Baby pics, breastfeeding woes, and what it's like to finally have our child in our arms. So I will. This is my little corner of the interwebs, for better or for worse, and I don't want to move url's every time our lives take on a different focus. I like the continuity.

I totally get the unfollow. Though let's be honest, I've been MIA for three months so I think that particular ship has sailed anyways. I'll unabashedly talk about the pregnancy and the baby, because it's what inspires me right now.

And please, please don't accuse me of infertility amnesia. I will never forget what it felt like to get to this place, and I'm fairly certain that we'll be here again when we're ready for another. I'll continue to root for those of you I've connected with along this journey, no matter what stage you are in as well. This is the goal, right? To get to this place? And even further, with an actual real live baby at home snuggling and cooing and burping at us?

And I'm still terrified that every twinge, every trip to the bathroom, every ultrasound, every EVERYTHING, will result in the other shoe dropping and knocking us out of this game. 

If I say something, or complain about something, please know that I'm still inherently grateful to be where we are, feeling what we are, good and bad.

But I still get to complain. That comes easily to me too.


  1. Here's the thing...I LOVE when one of the blogs I read changes to pregnancy, because it gives me hope. I may still be in the trenches,but after reading other people's stories I feel like I can get through this and have a take home baby too! I'm glad you will continue to write here. I know a lot of people do not feel the same way as me, but you should do what feels right for you.


  2. Awesomely said!!! I feel the exact same way but couldn't put words to how it mad me feel. Can't wait to follow your journey and enjoy my own as well!!!

  3. I just found out about a month ago that I have PCOS and will struggle with infertility when we decide to start down that road. Following blogs that have women overcoming infertility and showing off their baby bumps and eventually their new squishy newborns are what give me hope that eventually I'll overcome the hand that's been given to me. I love it when someone who's struggled is able to finally get what they've wanted most. I can understand how you feel guilty, but please know that just as much as I want to see that positive pregnancy test, I want to see it for everyone else who has struggled as well. I would love to hear more about your baby and what your plans for the future are, so I hope that you continue to write here.

  4. I was right there too and even posted a very similar post, with the same conclusion. I'm glad you'll continue writing in your space. Mel at Stirrup Queens wrote this Thursday:
    Very appropriate, I think.

    Congratulations and ENJOY! I found my blog to be the perfect journal/ memory keeper for my pregnancy journal.

  5. I just want you to know that although I don't "Follow" (I'm the least tech savvy 26 year old I know) I have checked back religiously since you posted your happy news. I have been waiting to hear all of those happy things and even the complaints. I worried when you weren't posting that the unthinkable had happened and I want you to know I will continue to read even as the focus shifts. But since your title is "Meier Madness" I always hoped that would stretch to include little Meiers.

  6. Of course I know how you feel. I often worry that my happy pregnancy is hard on others but like you said, it's your space to document all you are going though. That includes IF, loss, failure, pregnancy AND your baby. I ultimately decided that my blog was going to be a reflection of my whole reality. I won't not talk about my twins or this current baby because that would be false. I can't cater to everyone who reads, just be honest and sensative.
    I am here to read everything you have to say so tell it sister!

  7. I'm so happy to see you posting again! It sounds like you went through a lot, but I'm so happy to see your bump! As for your blog, this is your space and you shouldn't feel guilty over your success (even though its hard not to when you see followers drop away).

  8. It's very natural for you to feel the way you have Ben feeling but this is still your place to feel the way you want. Don't let the guilt take away from you enjoying this. You deserve this! Very excited for you and hope your pregnancy continues to be complication free.

  9. Word, sister. I'm not switching URLs, even when my kid is in college and all I have to blog about are my saggy boobs and saggier retirement fund.

  10. I know exactly, EXACTLY, how you feel, friend. I still feel that twinge of guilt every time I post about E on my blog (which is, uh, often. The urge to post pictures/tell stories/etc. only becomes MORE once that sweet baby is here). It's a hard, hard place to be in, but I think it's important to cherish and experience and record where you're at now. You shouldn't have to apologize for being pregnant. It did NOT come easily. So blather away, friend.

    And like others have said above- when I was still working to get pregs, reading the success stories of people gave me so much hope. We need success stories out there to remind us that it CAN be done, even in the face of so much difficulty and pain.


You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...