Thursday, November 8, 2012

To Know, or Not To Know

Not even a question. We had our anatomy scan two weeks ago, at 19 weeks 4 days. I had planned from the get-go to keep the gender of the mini Meier a surprise. With all the planning and preparing and information that went into and was gleaned through the IVF experience, it meant so much to me to give up this piece of control. I wanted the focus of these months to be making room in our home and lives for a baby, not whether my MIL would be able to buy baseball jerseys or ballet slippers.

I love the idea of going through the birth process and having a doctor hold up our brand new baby and exclaim "It's a XXX!" I love picturing how our lives will unfold with our child, regardless of gender, as most of the things we want to involve our child in will happen regardless of its teeny peenie or vageenie. (yep I said that)

Dr Boy, however, was not in love with the idea. His thirst for knowing ALL THE THINGS was a huge obstacle in my plan to wait. We talked about it a lot, and he's come to terms with waiting. I know, that sounds awful, but it's not, I promise. I made sure that the same future he was envisioning with a child would be the same regardless of gender. I know this whole waiting thing is a sacrifice he's making for me, and it's huge.

And I love him for defending our choice when people say stupid sheet like "but how ever will you decorate the room??? Or buy clothes???"

Because that's just not what it's about. And I don't want that to get lost.


DISCLAIMER: I totally don't judge the knowing! It's just not for me/us. But yay Team Blue or Team Pink to all of you that went that route! And yay healthy babies.

DISCLAIMER #2: I've got another post coming up tonight as part of a book review sponsor thingy... I promise I won't let it be the only thing I post for an entire season this time though!


  1. Totally, completely agree with you. Our first two were surprises, and they were the most amazing, wonderful moments. ....this time, we wanted to be surprised, and the tech smiled and handed us a picture of the gender shot. I'm still annoyed with her, especially because we have two girls, and this baby is a boy. Would've been a great surprise! There are, of course, worse things in the world, but man, that moment of surprise in the delivery room is absolutely everything it is cracked up to be.

  2. Kudos! First, OccDoc didn't want to know and wanted to be surprised. Fine by me; I was totally on board and excited about that. He had a minor freakout moment during dinner last night and begged me to find out at our anatomy scan today. It's also our anniversary today, so, ugh, I'm going to cave and tell him tonight over dinner. Plus, he needs some happy news since he's worrying himself sick over my low-riding placenta; I bet the baby thinks it makes a comfy cushion to sit on. Sacrifices, sacrifices all to make the husband happy. So, I'm secretly jealous you're going with the original plan to wait.

  3. I didn't find out and it was a great choice for us. It WAS awesome to not find out the sex until the baby gets pulled out. I will do it for all future pregnancies!

  4. a good friend of mine waited for both of her pregnancies. She went so far as to not even ask when her 2nd baby was born, but instead just wanted her immediately on her chest. It was only later when they were transferred to the maternity ward did she or her husband think to look which gender the baby was.

    I waffled back and forth about wanting to know and not wanting to know. in the end, I wanted to know. I waited enough to get pregnant and this was a great surprise "half" pregnancy anniversary. hehe

    exciting that your over half way now!

  5. You are stronger than I my friend. I think waiting to find out would be an amazing surprise and I can't wait to see how it turns out! Go you!

  6. I wish I had your strength. I always wanted that moment as well when the doctor holds up the baby and says "It's a ___!". But sadly my patience and willpower didn't hold out for me. Either way, I'm glad your a/s went well, and I look forward to reading a post from you in about 20 weeks titled "It's a ___!" :)

  7. You will LOVE not finding out! We did not find out with my daughter (and had genetic testing with our IVF so we had many weeks of yelling at every nurse and ultrasound tech "We did not want to know what it was".) My husband wanted to find out, but I talked him out of it and he was so glad I did. Dr. Boy will ove being able to tell everyone "It's a _____!" We are due with our second in January (another FET so told embryologist from the beginning we did not want to know), and we can't wait to see if our daughter will have a brother or sister. Good luck and so glad things are going well for you!!!!!


You know you want to tell me how ridiculous I am...