The Girls

They hurt. Maybe CD1 is around the corner? Dare I hope? Reminds me of that glorious feeling I had last time I ovulated. The last time I confirmed ovulation was back on Jan 25th-ish. Right now, it's CD 48, and I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting for this party to get started. I'm tired of waiting to get serious with doctors because of switching insurance plans.

I'm tired of hearing the usual:

- Wow! I thought you wanted children fairly early!

- Oh, are you guys waiting to have kids?

- Oooooh..... isn't it fun trying?

- I'm sure you'll get pregnant once you move- it's the stress!

- Well, you're still young!

- Just adopt! It makes you fertile!

- I guess you're just not irresponsible enough to get pregnant!

Every infertility blogger has a post like this, where you're Just. So. Tired. Of. It. So much else is going well right now (except for the whole Dr Boy Appendix Incident), I just wish so much that I could add this to the list. There was a going-away party at work today for a girl who's moving to a new field office. There were a couple of young children brought by stay-at-home spouses- a four-year-0ld with crazy red curls, and a 12-week-old with the softest tufts of blond hair and a vice-grip when you held his hand. I made my usual swoony face at both, and faced the usual barrage of questions. The ones that inevitably arise when you're childless and married for almost 5 years. I don't want to be THAT person, the one that is outwardly bitter. Because it's not that I'm NOT happy for the families at work- I'm thrilled! I don't want anyone to have to deal with this bullcrap. It just sometimes feels like my chest is trying to cave in. That's all.

I have an appt with a new OB/Gyn on April 2nd. New city + New insurance = Starting Over. Again. I can't take this "wait and see" approach any longer. I really just need something more to hang my hat on right now. I want to be Excited to poas. Not resigned.

Thanks for coming to my Pity Party. Hannah enjoyed herself at least. Of course, she got a treat for coming :)